A
female
age
30-35,
*idabby
writes:hello everyone and cupid,im 18 years old and my adult life is goin great, but sepemtember, my friends, azlynn and alanna, invited guys from murfreeboro, of course they were from a band called [moderator removed identifying details]. We all got a hotel n spent the night with them, of course.. i lost my virginity and i just last week i found out im pregant! My friend, azlynn told her bf, who's bestfriend wit the guy i slept with about it and he question her a little bit about me like have i slept with anyone else beside "ry".. she said no, he's the only guy i slept with. Then her bf told "him" about it and they 3 way azlynn about it talked about. "ry" told her he needs to talk to me whenever i get the chance.Well, i havent talk to him yet, im scared because it was a one night stand, and its just him... a guy i barely know and got pregant with. what should i really do? i mean, i want him to be a father to the baby, but really he smoke pot too much and has problem in his life...which is really confusing because azlynn's bf told me about "ry" a little bit. And im afriad he might reject the baby..please help me before i do something stupid
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female
reader, Tidabby +, writes (14 November 2008):
Tidabby is verified as being by the original poster of the question Um... One thing im going to do is to have the baby no matter what, now. And to some of you readers thank you for your advice and suggestions. =] And also i forgot to put, YES i did use a condom, but both of us got drunk so bad, probably the condom busted.. =[
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): I suggest you think very hard about the life and future you want. Perhaps it is the right time for you to be a mother. If you think so, then GOOD FOR YOU! I love to see people find better fortune out of mistakes or accidents. I myself have been pregnant twice, the first time I was date raped (I also lost my virginity in this instance) by a man who slipped something into my drink while we were at a fancy restaurant, I do not remember much of the rape, as I was in and out, but I left that night with child and I have heard that the man who did it bragged to his friends about it afterwards (unfortunately he was never convicted because they said it was he said-she said but I know the truth in my own heart). Anyway, in this instance I was young (19), scared, inexperienced, and absolutely poor. After weighing my options I chose to have an abortion. It was a relatively easy and pain-free procedure, the most annoying part were the waiting periods (often sitting alone in a room for 3-4 hours at a time and also the mandatory waiting period between asking for an abortion and actually having one- worst week of my life, I was so nervous). I know many are morally or religiously opposed to it, and I understand that. If you are opposed to it then obviously it is not a good choice for you to make, but it is an option that is worth considering if you are open to it. I have not regretted it at all, and I honestly consider it one of the best decisions I ever made given my circumstances at the time. I am sure that carrying the baby to term would have been very traumatic for me both physically and emotionally. Some others are able to carry all their pregnancies to term, perhaps I am just not that strong. But nonetheless, it was the right decision for me.Now a few years later I became pregnant again (condom broke, or something, I'm not sure as we used protection!) this time it was by a guy I had been dating for about 6 months. I was older (23) and a bit more emotionally stable, but not financially ready for a child, and I did not feel that the relationship was going to be longterm, as we didn't have quite the forever-connection I wanted in the father of my child. But I felt physically and emotionally secure enough to carry the baby to term, and so this time I chose adoption. It was physically very painful, the birth itself was complicated (I ended up having an emergency c-section) and the process of finding adoptive parents was not at all easy, at some points I was afraid I wouldn't find any in time, but of course in the end it worked out alright. Now that baby is with two parents who love it (I hope, I have not seen it since I gave birth to it). Given your situation I would probably recommend adoption (if you do not want to abort) as you're probably not financially, emotionally secure enough to raise a child. Raising a child is the hardest job there is, and I don't think it should ever be taken lightly. Not everyone is up to the task, not everyone is cut out to be a mother. If you feel ready to take on the enormous responsibility then I fully support your decision to do that but I do ask that you don't take it lightly. I speak as a woman whose mother gave birth to her, and then left me alone at home when I was 7 years old, without warning, leaving a note at her mothers house to come pick me up and take care of me because she couldn't do it anymore. There were times in my life that I wondered why she didn't just abort me or give me up for adoption because the short time I had with her was full of neglect, and abuse. She was not ready to parent (I never knew my dad) but she thought it was the right thing. Sometimes it isn't. I'm not trying to be negative I am just being honest, these are things that people never speak honestly about. They believe that every woman is intrinsically ready to be a mother from the time she gets her period. This isn't true. It is more important to know your own limitations than it is to do the right thing by society. If adoption (or abortion) is the best thing for you, then don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I hope to have a baby one day with a man I love and am ready to spend the rest of my life with. It hasn't happened yet, I haven't met the right guy, but when it does happen I hope I am ready to be a wonderful mother who takes good care of her children. And I hope that you get the future you've always wanted as well, and if this (having a baby) is something that gives you joy, then I wish you luck in your future as a mother and I hope you have all the support you need to raise a loving and happy child. With love,SamP.s. the most important lesson I learned from both of my unplanned pregnancies was to GO ON HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL! I came from a family that never talked about sex or anything so it took me a while to figure it out on my own but now that I have, it's the best thing to do for yourself! As a woman, the added protection of birth control (I take the pill) is a huge comfort, as you know that even if you (god forbid) raped, or (god forbid) the condom breaks, you have an extra shield that protects you from pregnancy. So as soon as you are done with being pregnant, get thee to a doctor and get thee a prescription! Again, good luck!
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A
male
reader, InterCntlCHmp  +, writes (14 November 2008):
Look very CAREFULLY AT ALL OF YOUR OPTIONS!!!!!
Get the STD test immediately; consider the implications of having the child. This is your choice and your choice only and it's one that you are sure to reflect on for sometime regardless of the choice you make.
Good luck and take everything planned parent hood says with a grain of salt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): Agree with Birdy's wise counsel on getting yourself screened for HIV and STD's. That is vitally important. If you know you are pregnant, have you been to a medical physician to have the results confirmed and get screening, bloodwork and careful testing done? You need to do this, if you haven't done so. Quality good prenatal care is crucial.
So whether he rejects the baby or not, is something you can't worry about. The reality of all this is: you are to become a Mother and this guy 'Ry' is going to be a Dad whether he likes it or not and he is as 100% responsible for the care, of this child, as you are. And if he doesn't believe you DNA testing will prove it when the child is born. So, you tell him he is going to be a Dad. And you need to be really, really strong for your baby. At this point, I think your biggest priority should be your baby's well-being, your own health and what you want to do with your future and this child's future. Do not worry what he thinks or does not think. You both need to think seriously about what you are going to do, in your present state. You both need a plan and he needs to be involved. If he refuses, to acknowlege the pregnancy...then are you going to keep the baby and raise it yourself? Can your family help you raise a child? Are you going to give up the baby for adoption? There are thousands of childless, awesome couples out there looking to adopt. Couples who could give this child the best life and a good chance at a good quality, life and future. I'm not saying you can't do this...but every child deserves an intact home with 2 parents. You need to think what is the absolute best for this child.
Visit this web site: www.plannedparenthood.org or call at 1-800-230-PLAN . They will give counseling and advice on what you should be doing.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Oops, too late.
You gave up your virginity for a band member, who was a total stranger that you decided to sleep with and have unprotected sex with, and yet Somehow, You knew enough to get a hotel, you had enough insight and forward thinking to plan that, but you didn't get a condom? Wow. How can you be so incredibly naive at your age and not prevent things like this from randomly happing by deciding to have Unprotected Sex???!!!!!!!!!! Not something that I would wait eighteen+ years for!
Sorry. I know that I am being counter productive. It can't be too surprising to you to wind up pregnant if you have had sex without a condom, so you need to make some plans and talk with a few people. The first thing that you need to do is confirm your pregnancy with a blood test. After you do that, you need to decide if you intend on going through with the pregnancy. If you do, you need to inform the father. He has the right to know that he will become one, whether or not 'he smoke too much pot'. Hindsight being 20/20, you might have considered that before you went without a condom. None-the-less, he needs to be informed.
Considering that you had unprotected sex, and your pot head band guy seems to make a habit of going with strangers, you need to get yourself screened for STI's and HIV, for your sake and for the sake of your baby's health. If he was HIV positive, you need to find out what you can do to help your baby be born healthy!!! RIGHT NOW!!!
If you don't decide to go through with the pregnancy, you still need to get screened, because you have had unprotected sex.
Although we can offer you advice, the only person who is in charge of your life is you. PLEASE take good care of yourself with the decisions that you make for yourself. I hope that things work out for you, Dear.
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A
female
reader, JustChillin +, writes (14 November 2008):
 I don't mean to be so blunt...but it appears you've already done two stupid things!! One, by having UNPROTECTED SEX with someone and two, having SEX with someone you met one time!! =/ But, now that you are in this predicament...you need to take care of the matter at hand. I don't know what your feelings are on terminating the pregnancy...but quite frankly, at the young age of 18, you most certainly want to think long and hard about having a baby. Now, on the other hand...if you don't believe in terminating the pregnancy, you could always go through the full pregnancy and give the child up for adoption. The likelihood of this "one-night-stand" GUY and you getting married and having a child together is "Slim to none"...and "Slim" left on the last bus out of town!! =/ Again, I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you can now see what your parents have probably been trying to tell you all along...if you're going to make the choice to have SEX....then, at least...PLEASE USE PROTECTION!! (Condom)I wish the best for you!! You know...life throws you some hard lessons sometimes...but then again you have some control on what choices you make. =D
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A
female
reader, Nielle06 +, writes (14 November 2008):
Well i understand y you are a nervous wreck about this but you must understand that babies are a blessing from god and they can change people in sooo many ways even if he denies the baby just remember that god never gives you more than you can handle... and i hope everything goes good for :)
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