A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am 31 and my hubby is 33, we have been together for 11 years, married for 6 and have 3 children together, 9,7,4. my problem is that i don't want him any more, i hate him a lot of the time and i don't want him to touch me any more. i do have dreams about other men and intermicy with them which make me feel guilty so its not like i don't enjoy the touchy feely stuff, just not with him. he recently went away for a week working and whilst he was gone i found that i haven't missed him. what should i do i wont be able to live on my own i have no money coming in, i have no confidence left any more and my belief system has changed a lot since i met my hubby. i just wish i was me again, when i was younger i didn't rely on anyone else just me, now i don't know any more :( what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Seek out marital counseling. Tell you husband that you want it and he has to go with you, no other option.
Your marriage has matured to the point where people often fall apart, for various reasons. However, it doesn't have to be that way, you just have to get to another level of understanding.
Don't have an affair, that is destructive to you, yourself, as well as the marriage and the others in it.
"my hubby is nice to me, he doesn't hurt me, but i am not happy with where i am and would love to find someone new"
Remember, you may very well find someone new, someone who will not be nice to you and will hurt you, emotionally as well as physically, who will make you unhappier than you are now, and plenty of women can attest to this (as can plenty of men who have had the urge to move on from a "nice spouse" that they are bored with.
If you do all that, and you still feel the way that you do, then you will have some hard decisions to make.
Keep one thing in mind as you go through this, children usually despise their parent who has an affair, and that anger can burn in them for a lifetime...and they usually find out somehow.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): hello, thanks for the replies, my hubby is nice to me, he doesn't hurt me, but i am not happy with where i am and would love to find someone new, he works all the time and that may be part of the problem, hes on his computer 24/7. just fed up with life. hes decided that i would be good at being a teaching assistant, so im on a course to become one, but i dont really want to do it. i would love to work with animals and being a artist. i have stopped drawing since meeting him and i would love to start it up again.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Be honest, not just with yourself, but with your husband. Tell him how you feel, and that you want this marriage to end, if that's what your goal is to do. He may be on the same page you are, or at least be aware that something is off in this marriage. So, you'll need to decide what change you want to make, and plan on doing so.
With the information you gave, that's as far as I can advise. Is your wanting to be done due to how he treats you, such as domestic violence etc. or has this marriage been kind of same ole thing day in and day out, as in traveling in a rut that you want to get out of?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 female "anon" seems to have this issue pegged pretty well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): It sounds like you have 'lost yourself' amidst this unhappy marriage and having three children. My advice is that you can start to build you confidence and sense of who you are and what you want within your marriage whilst you make a plan / decide what you want to do. Its not a great idea to make a big decision on the back of low confidence. Go out, do stuff just for you, find a way to refresh what you do each day and then, as you start taking those first steps the path ahead will get clearer. You may decide things could be better with hubby and stay or you might think - no - I'm moving on. Either way you need to do this from a position of strength not weakness. Best of luck.
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