A
female
age
41-50,
*oski
writes:My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years, but together for 7. We have 3 boys, 6,3,1. I have been completely faithful to him since we first got involved and haven't been with anyone else since! I kept in contact with an old flame who is a very close friend now (where we still have strong chemistry) but that line has never been crossed. Needless to say, my husband found some e-mails between me and him, and some e-mails between a single, childless girlfriend of mine that were inappropriate for a married woman to have. They weren't graphic nor were they suggestive of intimacy in any way. Now my husband has left me accusing me that I'm sleeping with the other man. He wants proof that i'm not sleeping with him and the e-mails to him are enough proof that I am (which is totally unfair!!) Last night, we had a big argument, I threw his cell in the toilet and he smashed the rear window to my Lincoln Navigator with a brick. I still love him with all my heart, but I can't get through to him. What do I do??? Please help!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (24 October 2007):
 What is worrying is you dont think that this continued relationship with your ex flame is destructive.
You mention yourself that "we still have strong chemistry" . I'm sure your husband is aware of this after reading your emails. Imagine how he feels about that.
The concept of friendship with an old flame is tenous at best, most couples simply cannot see the point as the there is a connection between partners which remains forever and is painfully obvious when old partners meet up.
I feel the only way you can save your marriage is to cut the ties with your old beau. If you do not, your husband will know where your priorities lie at least. If you love your husband show him some respect and devote your time to your marriage not your ex boyfriend.
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (23 October 2007):
 I don't know what the emails said but it seems that he has found it a reason to believe you have been cheating. First you need to realize that you opened the "can of worms", accept the blame for causing him to think what he does.
The burden of proof rests upon your shoulder's not his. Evaluate what you have done and think about what if the shoe were on the other foot? Would you have come to the same conclusion?
If you love your husband, refrain from talking about the feelings you had or still have for the old flame. Step back and dimish contact with him at least until this is sorted out.
Assure your husband that it is him you love and you made a mistake in talking about the things you were sending the emails about. Let him be angry for a bit. He has the right! Be understanding because it was you who caused the problem.
Don't however beat yourself up over this. You made the mistake, admit it, apologize for it and try to mend your relationship.
As far as proving you didn't sleep with this man now that is a big ball of wax. In your heated state it could get messy. I would try to seek professional help. Try a conselor or going to your pastor, priest or other person with knowledge in handling this type of situation.
Something like this is hard to deal with because it makes the person on the other side of the equation feel like they have been on the outside all the time. It's like they don't count or they are or not loved nor respected. That you aren't trustworty or you are just an outright cheater. Whatever the assumption is they are hurt and they are going to act out.
Seek help and show your husband that you do love him and that you have been faithful. Don't give up and pray for a happy reunion. God wants you to be married because you took vows. Don't let your clouded judgement for a few moments of decieptful pleasure break up what you both viewed obviously as a pretty stable marriage.
Last but not least, STOP BEING ANGRY!! You have no right to be. Frusturated that he doesn't believe you and you just can't convience him otherwise, now I will give you that. Give it time and allow him his anger it will help him to vent his feelings. Maybe then you will see and accept the responsibility for what you have done.
God bless you and your family. You aren't alone for God is in your court!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): just do exactly what you would expect your husband to do if this had been the other way round.
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