A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a predicament partially of my own making and I don't know the way out. I'm pretty certain I'm confused. I've been married/involved for the past decade. A friend of mine has been going through some rough times with his relationship of 4 years. I offered emotional support as he was trying to figure out what was going on, whether he wanted to mend things with his girlfriend or end a rather unhealthy relationship. He was decided that it was serious but had enough issues that repairing them was going to take more time/energy than either party was really willing to commit. He decided to end it but wasn't sure how to break the news to her.Unfortunately, somewhere in there, we started flirting lightly and it kind of descended into teasing, suggestive comments, and whatnot. His girlfriend wasn't happy that he was talking to anyone about their issues, and took the flirting very badly. She had every right to, I know, but they decided to end their relationship. The problem is, though, he's now interested quite strongly in *me*. I should be off-limits, and while I admit that the attention is attractive, I'm not available. If I were single, it'd be a totally different story as we do get along great and there's plenty of chemistry that wants to surface if it was given the chance. But I can't. How on earth can I let my friend down without causing further damage to our friendship? I *know* I made a mistake in letting the jokes get a little too far, and I'm really, really regretting it. I love him as a friend, and I don't want to ruin that, but I don't want to destroy my marriage because of this.
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Then tell him just what you've told us with the same heart-felt explanation that you put into your last two sentences. It's simple, it's straight-forward and it shows that while you appreciate his attention, you know it cannot go further. I'm sure he'll understand. Good luck.
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (30 August 2007):
 I think he will be hurt even more if you allow this to go on any further. You have got to be upfront and honest and tell him the way it is
Eplain you are sorry that his relationship ended badly and that you are there for him but only as a friend. tell him you are 100% off limits and that you love your husband very much. You have got to tell him soon, the longer you leave it the harder it will get and the more infatuated with you he will become.
I know it hard but telling him your not interested really is the only option here.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, chilly-18 +, writes (30 August 2007):
 you have to be straight about it with your friend. considering you say your married i guess your both adults. considering this guess that would mean that he is emationally and mentally mature enough for this kind of thing.if you dont tell him where he stands with you he will only persist with the flirting an that stuff. which you will find uncomfortable or possibly a damage to your marriage. just be striaght with him. he needs to know where he stands. if he is a good friend, he would understand.
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