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I haven't heard from him in a month. Should I call him?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 August 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Ok so I got set up with this guy on a blind date by a mutual friend. I have only been out on a date with one other guy, and I'm very careful with who I date because I just find it weird to go out with strangers. So to make it not weird our mutual friend made the blind date a double date with herself and her boyfriend.

The night was alot of fun, and he asked for my number at the end of the night. I gave it to him because what's the harm. He surprised me by calling me the next day, and we talked for about 2 hrs. He also invited my to a BBQ for that evening, but I declined since I already had plans.

A few days later, he text me asking if he could take me to dinner which I accepted. I had an awesome time, and we had our first kiss. We have seen each other a few times since our first date as a group and just the two of us.

The last time I saw him was about a month ago when I was hanging out with him at his place. We spent most of the time making-out. He asked me if I wanted to hang out later in the week, but I was leaving for a 3 week vacation the next day. I have not heard from him since that night, and he never contacted me when I was gone.

So here is my question: Did I move to fast resulting in scaring him off, or is he just not interested? I would just text/call him but have to much pride in myself to do that. Please just give me some other opinions.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (9 August 2010):

Denise32 agony auntI'm with Jilly. Go ahead and call him. He could well be unsure if you're still interested, so say hello, how are you and let him know you'd like to get together again.

One caution: go slow on the making-out. It's worth it to be dating for at least a month before getting sexual......but a little kissing & cuddling, holding hands in the meantime is want to strike a balance between being over-eager and not interested.......

Good luck, hope it works out!

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A female reader, BAMMM United Kingdom +, writes (9 August 2010):

BAMMM agony auntThere are many possibilities as to why he has not contacted you.

It could be that he was waiting for you to call him when you got back from vacation.

Maybe he met another girl while you were away.

there are many, many explanations.....

but I agree with Jilly, take the risk and call him!

Otherwise you will never know.

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A female reader, Nataliemarie United States +, writes (8 August 2010):

I completely agree with DearJilly's answer. It seems like he was into you- so take a small risk by contacting him, it may reap great rewards !

Good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010):

Well I'm not one to go on this pride thing, as it just means YOU don't want to put yourself up for possible rejection. Life is full of it, and only risking that, can bring rewards and sometimes rejection too, but so what, if you don't ever risk in this kind situation, you end up always depending and relying on others to make the move.

Just supposing HE thinks YOU'RE not interested, 3 week vacation, and you say he didn't contact you whilst you were gone, but did YOU contact him whilst on vacation???

There all kinds of reason he may not have made contact, yes, including not being interested, but do you really want to go through the next few weeks, months wondering? I believe in life you cannot have any IF's - and by the very fact of you sitting and waiting for this guy to contact you, is exactly what you will be left with.

IF you contact him, he may blank you - so what, it shows your strength of character and genuine openness, that you're willing to risk this for him.

On the other hand IF you contact him, you may get a reply that you would really like, may be he's lost your cell number..yes it's possible..but IF you wont risk it then you will have an IF hanging over you.

You obviously like him, so do something about it. And before you think I have absolutely no idea of what I'm talking about, I'm a full-time dating and relationship counsellor by profession.

The following EVERYONE should live by..


To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.

To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To hope is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken.

Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

If you risk nothing and do nothing, you dull your spirit.

You may avoid suffering and sorrow, but you cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.

Chained by your attitude, you are a slave.

You have forfeited your freedom.

Only if you risk are you free.

By Leo Buscaglia

Good luck, and hope it works out well for you!

Jilly x

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