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Did my boyfriend dump me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 August 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, *sma_asd writes:

Dear Cupid

Me and my bf are dating for the past 6 months and we were close friends before that. Today he asked me to call him at a particular time since he was going out with his friends. We had a fight in the morning and i called him before the usual time to say sorry to him. I have called 4 times and after that he switched off the mobile.

When at last i was able to reach him, he was so angry at me for calling him and disturbing him. He said i have become his liability for the past few weeks, couldnt tolerate me anymore and doesnt want me to call him ever again. I was shocked, didnt know what to say. I tried to tell him i am sorry, it wont happen again. he doesnt want to listen to me and asked me never to call him again and even if i call he is not going to pick up the call.

2 weeks back i travelled to a different place for my work and will be here for another few months. Do you think this LDR (Long distance relation) wont work? I travelled only 2 weeks before and before that we were together in the same town and were able to see at least once a week. Since the international calls are expensive, i used to call him at his morning hours which is my night here.

Please advice me what am i supposed to do? Do you think he needs space? Wont he understand that i am all alone in a foreign country and its not fair to hurt me like this when i dont have anyone to talk to? He talked really nasty to me today. Do you think he dumped me?

View related questions: needs space

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (9 August 2010):

Denise32 agony auntMy dear, I'm afraid that yes, he has dumped you.

Only thing you can do now is to go on with your life, and your work in a different place. MAYBE he will cool down and get over his annoyance and decide to call you.

I hope he will, but don't count on it! At least you can learn something from this if it happens with another guy and you've had a fight, say. If you need to apologize what you do is: make one call, leave a message if possible and then DON'T allow your anxiety provoke you into calling several more times! As you found out with this man, calling several more times in a row only makes it worse.

No, what you should do next time (if there is a next time) is, like I said, make one call, in which you'll either be able to apologize in person, or leave a message to say you're sorry. Then see if you get a call back. If you don't, wait for a week, and then make ONE MORE call. If this doesn't result in a good conversation where he accepts your apology, LET IT GO!

Hope this is of help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010):

Wow. Thats actually kind of scary and brings back bad memories for me. I too was in an LDR and i did the same thing to my girl. I called her to tell her i loved her just as a surprise and to show her how much i cared for her. I called her 2 times in about 10 minutes. the 3rd time her phone was off. didn't hear from her till another hour. 2 weeks later i found out during this time she was with another guy and cheated on me. You don't know how easy it is to cheat and get away with it while you are in a long distance relationship. Not to make you paranoid but he could say he is going to the store, out with friends, dinner with his mom, etc. and could be at another girls house. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but I am a guy and I know if a guy is young and wants to play the field, nothing much will stop him. good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010):

he sounded like my sister's bf. from my understanding, he is the type of guy who wants things in his way. knowing that u r from india, i strongly believe that the guy from your country mostly still believe in male's single power thingy. which means, everything must go in his way or you will be sorry.

it is your decision what to do. just do as his say or find another. perhaps a guy from where u r working now. but either way, it depends on how patient you are. cuz to be upset over a phone call is not worth to hurt another.

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A female reader, janet30 United States +, writes (8 August 2010):

First he did things in a bad way, he acted very coward, he youll confront you seeing you , and if he did not wanted to be more with you, he should have done things in another way. Like to tell you ina good manner i nee dto talk to you and see you in aplace and give you the reason in a nice form. If he treated you like these, it means he doesnt want to be more with you, may be he needs to calm down, but if you are on the need to tell him how you feel, write him a letter, so you cna express all the feelings that are inside you..

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