A
male
age
30-35,
*ndy00
writes:Hello everyone. I'm afraid I did something very stupid yet again, and this time I think it has really blown things apart. *Check my column to hear about my situation*Last night I dreamt about her. It was us getting back together. First thing I did was post a myspace bulletin about it... How could I have been so stupid?? I know I was tired, and probably a little emotional having realised that my mind was messing with me, but that's no excuse.Anyway, she wasn't amused. I had a great evening tonight, but then I went onto myspace and she had messaged me:"Isn't it pathetic when people ask for sympathy?" Was the title. And for one thing, I disagree with that. Sometimes sympathy IS necessary.She went on to say "Was all that really necessary? Just get over it! I have!"I found this hard to accept. She says she's over it. She dumped me 5/6 weeks or so ago after 2 years, and now she's telling me she's over it??Anyway, I was beat up about the whole thing so I decided to ask my parents for what they made of it all. They said I was stupid for doing what I did, and that a good idea would be to message her saying that I was sorry, and lastly: that I won't contact her for 6 months.That is exactly what I've done. I've told her that I wanted things to be better than they are, and we could be friends, but I keep upsetting her. She is short with me when we talk, so I'm getting out of her life for a while. I also told her that I wish her all the best with her exam results (16th August) and have a great 18th birthday (30th August) and that University goes well. I also put at the end that I would still send her a birthday card.Do you think this was the right thing for me to do?A few of you have said recently that I shouldn't keep posting questions and instead; message aunts individually. I think this question is a little more appropriate to be made public. A lot of you know I have struggled over the past 5/6 weeks, but now I have given myself an escape route after making her angry with me again.I know I screwed up, but I hope I have salvaged something by putting a close on it. Please tell me what you think.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (19 August 2007):
Sure, good luck in whatever you decide!
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (19 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question No, I thought that was very useful. Thank-you!
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (18 August 2007):
Perhaps she is thinking about the "later on down the road" thing too but now isn't a good time due to the distance. However, don't wait around for that. Move on, I think you can do that while still being friends at a distance. At a distance means, you can leave the door open but have limited contact. If she wants to talk as a friend she can call, but it doesn't mean you have to call her. However, if she gets too overbearing and you can't handle it, then you'll have to address that later. Basically, being friends could just mean you split up on good terms and not be active about hanging out and calling. Don't know if this really is all that helpful, but it is an option if it doesn't torture you or act as a brake on other potential relationships.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all. I'm back from holiday with a rather dramatic turn of events, as usual.
On the 2nd day of my holiday, she text me, asking how I was and what the place was like and if I was having fun. I thought she was maybe testing to see if I'd stick to my word, so I ignored it. Then when I got home yesterday, she started talking to me on MSN. I questioned her about the 6 month thing, and she had no idea what I was talking about. Turns out, the message I sent her never actually sent!!! There must have been some kind of technical glitch or something, all I know is, the message wasn't amongst my sent items.
So I explained things, and she didn't seem keen on the idea. She said that she'd really like us to stay friends, and doesn't see why we should have to take things as far as that. I tried to explain to her that until I stop wanting to be more than just her friend, then I don't think we're going to be able to. Soon after that, she had to leave the conversation cos her tea was ready.
So, now I'm not sure what to do. I can either try and stay friends with her, or I can take a break from her (which she clearly doesn't want). Once again I feel like I'm in a situation where either way I'm screwed.
I think I'm going to try to stay friends for now. It may be hard, but I've had a holiday and I feel a little more relaxed about the situation. I know I'm not gonna be able to handle staying her friend if she finds somebody new before I do. I don't know if that says something about the kind of person I am, but there you are.
Unfortunately, I still think there is a part of me that hopes that somewhere down the road, we will be back together. This part of me really has to die, I think, but I don't want to extinguish it.
What does everybody think?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (8 August 2007):
 I think you are like me and you think too much! hehe
Seriously, stop trying to analize it all. She might be being childish, she might well hate the bones of you, either way, i would quit looking at her myspace & try and forget her.
Like someone else said, in time you wont look back & you will meet someone closer to home, have a great time with them & it will all be a childish distant memory that you are wondering what all the fuss was about.
C xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (8 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, just gonna set a couple of things straight, but please keep offering advice, everyone!
To somewhat_anon: Actually, no. She is off to University in Lancashire, I am starting my 3rd year in college in Oxford. I am year behind in education due to not getting required exam results in order to get onto the course I am on now. Other than that, you got just about everything right there.
To hlskitten: This is why I say go to my profile, cos it explains a lot about the situation there, but I'll tell you why things ended. She says she ended it because since she already lives so far away from me, she didn't see the point enduring another 3/4 years of long distance. To be fair, she has a point, but I just wish we could find it easier to stay friends. Like I say, she is very short with me when we talk, and like you say; she does sound angry for some reason. She wants to move on from me, and wants me to move on from her, and I guess I made that diffcult, so now I'm trying to fix it.
Oh, and *UPDATE*
Since I sent her that message, I have had no personal response from her. Instead, her status on myspace is now said to be set to "Ecstatic". To me, she is just trying to have a dig at me, even though I'm trying my best to make things easier. This is just more evidence for me that she is immature, and refuses to let us atleast be civil about this and have an "ok" break up. She did tell me a long time ago that; with her, there is no easy break up. Seems like she wont let it, because she refuses to understand that I'm still hurt.
What does everyone make of that? please get in touch!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): i doubt she's completely over it but she is trying to move on and you're making it difficult. no contact is a great idea. and i guarentee you that as long as you don't sit around moping after her for 6 months that when the time comes you won't even want to contact her
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Don't send her a birthday card, don't do anything, just back away with grace and accept you lost.Let her go, as painful as that is, your just going to keep torturing yourself with it until it drives you crazy. She obviously dosn't want to be in the relationship and nothing you do will force her back into it, even as just friends. Be rational about it. By continuing to hound her and trying to keep contact, your just making her more and more upset and angry and she will end up hating you for it. Cut the cord, have some time on your own to regroup your emotions and then go out and meet new people.
Sorry for the tough talk, but really...its time to call it quits.
Hugs and the best of luck to you.
Aunty Em x
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (8 August 2007):
Hi
You cant go wrong by giving her space now.
Shes made it perfectly clear she doesnt want to reconsile the relationship, so no contact is the best way forward.
I doubt very much she is 'over it' already. I split from a year long r/s just over a month ago, and i didnt even love the guy, yet i wouldnt say i am over it? Ive still got a lot of anger inside for various reasons. She sounds almost angry for some reason. I dont know why you split though?
I guess this way, you have left it so the ball is in her court. You dont want to keep letting her know shes having an effect on you, that will make her feel better & you worse in the long run.
Good luck
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (8 August 2007):
Okay, first off, you aren't stupid. You are a bit emotional and on top of that, the internet makes it easy to now send something out before thinking about it. Back in the day, we had to write letters, sleep on it and had the chance to back out.
Just remember that some things are better kept private. This was one of those things, but it is too late for that. Sometimes you need to get it out, so write it if you have to, but don't publish it. You did what you could to make it right, and now it is time to let go. The ball is in her court now. Send the birthday card, whatever, just don't push it. Don't press her, if she wants to get back together, she'll come to you. You've done all you can and doing more will not help, it will make you worse off.
Right now she wants her space and this is a good time since she is off to college and I am assuming you are too. So just let her be, the less you push this, the less you'll torture yourself, because you won't be blind to other people around you. The more you see her, the more you contact her, the more you'll delude yourself into thinking that you're going to get married and live in a castle somewhere or something.
You ever have an idea of how something will be and it's all planned out, but then things happen differently and perhaps much better? Let this go and don't be blind to something else happening that is possibly better. Yeah, it hurts now, but now isn't every day.
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