A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll aim to condense this down (hopefully i'll manage)my best friend is getting married in December and i'm her maid of honour - couldn't be more excited!but... she has made some random choices for remaining 3 bridesmaids - I think. I know it's not my wedding! It's people she barely know's though. We're all civil enough, but when we all meet (which is often) it is draining. I just think we've been friends for 18 years and our friendship is on par with these people?! it annoys me and the frustration is building (over many months now), but the dilemma is - i'm not sure if i should be annoyed/am I allowed to be?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate on this wedding:
I planned pretty much everything in terms of hen-party and tried to help as much as possible.. despite requesting help from the other hens, multiple times, trying to organise get togethers, texting etc.that was a true nightmare because people literally only seemed to care about themselves (ie. how am i getting home? are you getting food for the party? otherwise i'll eat beforehand. have you planned stuff for us to do?/what will we be doing? other such comments from the bridesmaids as; have you thought about planning something different, i don't want to do that (despite the bride wanting to), we aren't getting our money's worth, i can't come because i'm working & after planning 3 hen do's (to allow all her different family and friends to be invited) one bridesmaid literally ruined the holiday... & when everyone said thanks at the end, she didn't say a word.
SO SOMETIMES YOU JUST KNOW. YOU JUST KNOW.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 August 2015):
 If you are annoyed you are annoyed, and I don't think there's any authority , not even Dear Cupid :), which can allow you or forbid you feeling annoyed.
If we want to reflect a bit about the rationality of feeling annoyed, then we can do that and hopefully see that ... there is not a lot.
So you don't like the 3 bridesmaids, and you feel the bride should have picked other girls.
Well, first, as you say yourself, that's HER wedding , she is entitled to choose whatever makes her happy and
( I say this in general , not in reference to you OP, because I am sure that you are handling the situation with class and discretion ) she, as any other bride, also deserves the courtesy from friends and family that they keep to themselves any negative comments about her choices ( in terms of wedding gown, location, bridesmaids, ceremony... - everything ! ) no matter how questionable these choices are. IT's HER big day, do not spoil it for her under a shower " You SHOULD have done this instead than that "- do not let her even suspect you feel this way ( again, that's just a general consideration, not aimed at you, OP ).
Second, ... maybe she had her good reasons. Maybe she simply does not have 3 more best friends. Maybe she does , but those were not free and available on the wedding date, or they could not afford the costs connected with being a bridesmaid. Maybe she just met these 3 girls and so far she likes them, and thought that making them bridesmaids it's a good way to reinforce a budding bond and speed up closeness . There could be several reasons that you and I can't think of- just assume that your friend is , hopefully, a well meaning, normally intelligent person , who does what in her conscience she feels it's the best for all, and as such she does not need to have her choices challenged or invalidated, particularly on this special occasion.
Third, and that's the part which I am not sure I get right- what's the problem really ? That you have to see often these 3 ladies ? Well, if the frequency of your meeting is something connected with the wedding itself ( organizing something, helping out the bride with something, going with her to choose her gown and accessories ? ) then take heart, it's only 4 more months at most , then they'll be gone from your life !
If instead you see them often because they are new entries in your friend's social circle- well, then this has go nothing to do with the wedding, has it ? You'd see them around and join the same outings and social functions ... because they are your old friend's new friends, not because they are her bridesnaids : You can always " give them a try " and make them your friends too, if you like them- or ,if you don't , choose to sort of ignore them on a personal level while just maintaining formal politeness of course ( because, poor bridesmaids, they have done nothing to you , other than arriving on the scene later than you ).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 August 2015):
 You don't have to like them, but I'd advice for you to put your petty squabbles away for your friend's sake and just SUCK it up, or... not be her MOH.
This has NOTHING to do with you, with whom you like - the bride might not even have been able to pick as SHE saw fit, might be partly family, in-laws etc who have had a say. OR those were people SHE wants on the wedding party.
It's not a competition on WHO is her best bussom buddy. She OBVIOUSLY picked you for MoH because you have been her BFF for 18 years.
Chill.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (24 August 2015):
 Hi,
i can understand where you're coming from for sure, but as it's your best friends wedding, it is actually 'her full right' to choose, whom she wishes to be her bridesmaid/s @ her wedding.
If it were your wedding, then sure, you'd choose those whom you have a closer connection to, those who you would think are more deserving of the role.
The other issue is that even if you inform her of your unhappiness & growing frustrations surrounding her choices, she'd most probably get upset with you & she'd perhaps assume that you're somehow trying, to cause issues for her & for her wedding.
Ultimately, it could very well blow up in your face, i'm sorry to say.
Either way, you may not win here, although i do know that this is not about winning or losing, it's about you disliking her choices.
She has chosen those whom she hardly knows you say, but with all due respect, they must be people whom she likes quite a bit, whom she does have some connection with, otherwise i doubt she'd be that naive, nor silly enough to have these women as her bridesmaids @ her own wedding.
Trust in your friendship with her, do not do, nor say anything that will rock the boat, unless you've the type of friendship whereby you can express everything & anything.
I get the feeling that you don't have this type of friendship, otherwise you wouldn't be writing to dear cupid & asking for advice, out of deep concern.
I do wish you & your friend all the very best & depsite everything, i am certain that her wedding will be truly wonderful & memorable.
Just have fun engaging with your best friend & helping her to plan her wedding, etc;
Try not to read too deeply into anything & trust that she is old enough & wise enough to know what she's doing & i am sure that she is, as she is getting married after all.
All the very best & let me know how things go. :-)
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A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (23 August 2015):
 Well it is your friend's wedding, so she gets to make every decision on what she wants and how exactly she wants it. If she picked them as bridesmaids, then obviously they mean something to her. She wouldn't just randomly pick them out of the blue. Although you're her best friend, I doubt you're privy to every outside relationship she has, perhaps she knows them better than you think. Plus, is it possible she doesn't have a huge group of friends and wanted to have more than just you as a bridesmaid? Was there anyone else that you had in mind that would have been a better fit?
I wouldn't really waste my time brooding over this. If you guys are civil like you said, then I don't see the problem. It's her wedding, let her have it the way she wants and be a good friend by going along with what she chooses, even if you have to fake-happy sometimes. A best friend should want their friend to be happy, especially with their wedding.
Not trying to sound harsh, I just think you're making a big deal out of something small.
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