A
female
age
30-35,
*ona599
writes:I started an apprenticship a year ago to be an offshore electrician. There I met a guy almost 20 years older than me (I am 21) who taught me on one of the offshore platforms. He looked after me really well and was so kind and taught me so much and eventually I developed a big crush on him but realised he was married with kids and never thought about him seriously or anything. I moved to another platform but kept in contact with him via email - we both loved physics and we would talk continuously about anything we had a lot in common. Then he asked me for my mobile number in case we were both onshore so we could meet up for a drink. We did meet up eventually and had a great conversation, got on so well, then we kissed. Things could have went further but i decided to go home afterwards for that very reason. We've met some more and stayed in contact and I know this is so wrong but i think i'm falling in love with him. I have never had a boyfriend despite being told i'm attractive etc, and I live on my own, so i'm so lonely, he's really the closest person I've ever been to. No-one else knows and i daren't tell anyone. Today i found out I wouldn't see him for at least 2 months, he's working somewhere else and I've been so miserable and cried as soon as I got home. I've always got on better with older guys and don't know why, I know I must just forget him but i'm so alone and he is so kind he makes me feel good about myself. I'm painfully shy and quiet, I don't know what to do anymore, i realise this is more of a rant than a question, but I can't bottle all of these feelings anymore...
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crush, married man, never had a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oona599 +, writes (18 March 2010):
oona599 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't thank you all enough for taking the time to read and reply, it really has helped to be able to tell someone else.
I think I did see him like a father figure, considering i have never had one (my dad died when i was 3), I don't want to destroy a friendship with someone who has helped me so much, and i never mean to hurt his family. It can never be, Thank you for all these realisations. i still get those 'pangs' when i think about him and its so difficult have never felt like this before. Will let time do the rest...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Its amazing that you study and work in an area populated by men and you are attractive. But you have never had a bf!
If shyness is a problem for you then its not surprising you have a crush on this guy. You HAD to make an effort to chat to him as he was helping you. And you formed a bond through one to one time with him. You allowed yourself to be YOU around someone. And you were/are plain bowled over by the fact that he "got" you and liked you.
That will happen with lots of other guys though....if you give them a chance. But being quiet and shy can come across as aloof and uninterested, which might explain why you`re still single and feel lonely.
Shyness is a difficult thing to overcome. My advice would be to search in your area for a evening course that addresses confidence and shyness. If you can overcome your lack of confidence around men it will go a long way, toward helping you overcome your current situation.
Try exploring that area and delay more contact with the married guy for a while.
A lot of people stand to be hurt if you continue seeing him. You sound a sensitive person and i cant imagine you would be happy if you felt your happiness was built on the misery of others. All the best x
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (18 March 2010):
Poor you I feel for you!
You have acted properly and it seems so as he . It realy only is a crush - nothing more. Were you to induge in sex you will ruin a friendship that might last a lifetime?
What about his wife and kids. It is not a way to start a relationship by destroying theirs.
Get yourself out and about - find you own b/f Miss!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 You know, things happen to you, and sometimes you don't realize why it happened until much later. But eventually it all makes sense.
Under those fertile conditions,it is difficult not to be swept away by those tides of emotions.
You can't fight against those strong currents but you need to keep a sane and level head on your shoulder.
You could pull yourself completely out of that situation by removing yourself from his world but that would be too painful for you.
The way to overcome this problem is to change your perceptions of him. Think of him as a loving uncle or a brother or a close relative and your love for him will take on a different meaning.
Meanwhile try to focus your attentions on your priorities in life , socialize more and go out and see the world and have fun.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 He might be right for you, but the fact that he's married means that he's wrong for you.
You say you're shy and quiet and that you've never had a boyfriend. Now, here is this man, who's older and mature and seems to have taken a liking to you...obvioulsy you're going to be attracted to him and want to be with him.
But, don't do it. Being with him might make you feel better in the short term but the problems you will cause, not only to him and his family, but also to yourself, far outweigh any instant gratification you get.
You're young and intelligent. You're probably different from his wife. You're new and exciting. All of this attracts him to you. Also the fact that when you met and got to know each other he was away from home skews things up a bit...he might not see the impact that his actions have had on you and he might not realize how wrong he was to kiss you. I'm not saying that it's impossible that he has genuine feelings for you...he could in fact be genuine. BUT it's not going to work out. The stability he has with his wife and his kids is not enough to make him leave all that for you.
If you want long-term happiness you need to stay away from him. It will be hard but think of tomorrow, not right now. Is it possible that this guy is also like a father figure to you?
Nothing can come of this. Even though he may seem very special to you at the moment, he is not in the right place in his life to give you what you need. The fact that he's married makes him wrong for you, even if he's right in so many other ways. Also think of his wife. Does she deserve to be cheated on?
Move on, nothing good can come of this, not for you or his family.
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