A
male
age
,
*ubbo
writes:TO STAY OR LET GOI have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 4 years. She has two children, daughter 19 and son 13. They live with their father, why, because they choose to as their mother left father for me and he is good to them. She had wanted to leave him for a long time as did not love him and he was always verbally abusive towards her. They met, he was 25 and she was 15. We do love each other and get on very well, much love and respect. Children come over at least three times a week and relationship with me is getting better, i have always been respectful towards them. I always allow her to do anything for the kids before my interests.Our problem still is my partner feeling guilt over leaving them. I have always been there for her and even taken her back when she went back for the kids sake on two occassions.I have a constant uneasy feeling of her returning to her family. She and ex husband are divorced and are on speaking terms which does not bother me as i know she has no feelings towards him. I know she would go back to make it up to the kids. I say to her, but you are also going back for him and she says she will live in another room.The situation then calms down and we continue until the next episode. She came back second time after being back there for two weeks six months ago and was fine until two months ago.Please help! Part of me wants to get rid of her so i can have a normal life, i cannot plan anything.
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male
reader, bubbo +, writes (31 August 2010):
bubbo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for the responses.
She is just soo consumed with guilt over the kids. When her son does not do so well at school then she is just in tears all the time and blames herself for not being there to help him. We have got him a tutor, father not interested in helping son with schoolwork, mother always trying to help.
Son will have assignment in his bag for two weeks and advise mother day before it is due(he is just like this, regardless of which home he is at). Recently when this happened she was in tears again and i got involved and we completed assignment in one night.
So, i keep telling her to get the tutor back, she would rather feel guilty and sad all the time.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 August 2010):
You're wasting your time. End it. She's already gone back twice. If you let her do it again, she'll do it for the rest of your life. She is either committed to you, or she's not. Ironically she's doing more damage to her children than anyone else, yet she's trying to rebuild her relationship with them. She's a waste of time.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (31 August 2010):
Tic Tic Tic...That's your life ticking away as you wait for your instincts to prove you right.
She may go back, and he may not want her back. Then you get to have her back. Then you go through this again, and again.
You know the saying...Becareful what you wish for. You wished for her, and now...
If her heart was done with him, she would not be anywhere near him, different room or not, kids or no kids.
Tic Tic Tic...
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Yeah it's not best for her to go back for the kids. As hard as it it her children need to accept their parents are divorced, so now they must split their time up between 2 homes. If their mother moved in it would give the children false hope that their parents will get back together. This woman is way too indecisive going back home for her kids then back to you twice. Plus they're teens, give them some room. Sorry, my dear but you're not that important to her right now. It's best to tell her to call you when she gets over this guilt and is ready to accept being divorced.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): Appreciate your comment, She was with him for 18 years and constantly yearned to meet her 'soulmate'. Now she has found him she is torn, getting her family back involves him, i have allowed her to go back twice and did the right thing.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 I think if there was any chance of her getting her family back she should. You are the other man, I know you're in love but do you want to be the reason a family is broken apart when they could have a chance to be whole again?
I think you should let go, not for your sanity but to be the bigger person.
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