A
female
age
41-50,
*ogz
writes:I am a 41 year old woman married for 22 years now with 2 kids. I have spent 22 years with a man that cannot love,care or give affections. I live a cold and lonely life and spend it fighting with him all the time to acknowledge this. He says he is a good husband and does stuff for me and the only thing he cant do is show these things that I need. He does not want to let go of the marriage and goes on making promises to seek help and change, whenever I let him know I have had enough and want a divorce. I have let this go on so long now and from being a good bubbly, spiritual person, I have become a empty person. I have lost myself in the process of trying to help him. he has no emmotions at all, I have never even seen him cry for a funeral or anything. He is a hard and cold man who speaks anyway and treats all people with no respect. I have kept this marriage going at the expence of turning a wonderfull person that I was into a terrible person. The neglect, fighting and loneliness has made me so sore that I cannot even show any affections to my kids anymore. I have stayed in this marriage for them, but have spent it hurting them, and watching them suffer. Because of my misery, I cannot even reach out to them, I fight every day for my misery to end, and that I can change back to the person I was and be a good mother at least to them. I hate my life but love my kids and by staying married thinking I am doing it for them is not at all doing any good for them. I need advise.
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female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (21 January 2014):
I'm sure your kids are old enough now. Now it's time to do something for you. You'll be gaining something by leaving as well as losing some things. If you're ready for this and whatever stress and opposition may arise then go for it. I wish u much more happiness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): I am so sorry for you and your children that you all cant experience a day of solitude and happiness because of a person who cant let himself experience it.some guys think they cant open up cause it shows weekness so he lives his life in misery and in the mean time everyone he meets nows is around he brings down tohis miserable none existence of his life. I just dont no how you can live a life of always fighting and being abused im really sorry for you and your kids there is so much more to this life than what you all are going thru shame not only to disrespect everyone you meet but to treat you loved ones in this manner shame I would get out of there take your kids and never look back find yourself again and become the owesome person you want to be quit being his doormat and hell really no how much he had and that will tear him apart youcan do anything if this is what you truly want but after 20 some ought years hes going to need a real eye opener to change I truly hope you and your children find love and respect you all deserve keepyour head up and remember that person you once were she in there gogether and be happy the rest of your life instead of misery good luck
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A
female
reader, k.b.williams  +, writes (21 January 2014):
My mum spent a similar 25 years suffering with an unfulfilled life and marriage, the emotions you explain are very familiar to me. I feel for you and feel the best action you can take is to end it before you lose out on the chance of happiness! Trust me in the long run your children will benefit from the break up. I had to watch my mum and dad fight everyday and it did damage me- I feel so much benefit from them being split up as they are now happier individuals. Please don't live a life of unhappiness you don't deserve it.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2014): Hello *OGZ. I am very saddened to hear that you have spent 20 years of your life living with an emotionally unavailable man. I base my feelings on two perspectives. First, you deserve to be happy. You are obliged to give your children secure background. It's never too late to make amendments. Please find a way out of this suffocating and draining union, for your sake and that of your children. It's better late than never. Don't wait until you are 90 years old to die of anger, fury and regret of giving your self to this undeserving monster. I will personalize my next concern. I am the poster of the question above yours and it has suddenly dawned on me that this could be my story 20 years from now if my man doesn't change. I'm disheartened because I'm currently going through what you have uundergone; trying to get emotional support. Best of luck and i send a big hug.
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