| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My father is a pathological liar and i almost hate him for this and get angry every time i feel cheated. I have developed a personality that is very opposite to that of my father in that i am honest, but sometimes brutally so and don't care for feelings of others at times. How do i achieve a balanced approach?
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male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 You have a rare gift. Telling the truth the way you describe is amicable, but yes maybe there are times where you need to kerb it just a little.Do you expect people to be as truthful to you all the time?How would you feel if someone told you how rough you looked on one of your bad days? Would you take it with a pinch of salt? Or would you take it personally?Some people, not all; respect that kind of honesty but it can get you in uncomfortable situations. If someone asks you a delicate question that you think they cant take, breath...think...then answer. Don't lie, but just gloss over the truth, be more vague rather than sharp as a nail.It probably rolls off the tongue and you cant help yourself, but learning to control this will get you out of these sticky situations. You have a wonderful thing for honesty, dont try and change too much.
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Before you tell the harsh truth, ask yourself what the point would be. For example: a friend is on the way to an interview. His tie is ridiculous. He asks you how he looks. Do you tell him?
If he has time to change the tie, you level with him and maybe help him pick a new one. If there's no time and changing would make him late, you tell him he looks great! (Better on time and confident than late with the right tie.)
When he gets back, if the interview went well, you can say "Dude, that tie was so off" and laugh with him. If the interview went poorly, bite your tongue and never tell him.
What would be the point? You don't want to hurt him, so you don't need to be brutally honest.
(BTW, just keeping your mouth shut is a good way to avoid telling the brutal truth...)
Good luck.
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