A
female
age
26-29,
*fogalilly
writes:Should I say sorry to my sister, I had an abortion in April and my sister got very angry at me, she is very pro-life and wanted to to weigh my other options. She did not talk to me for a couple of months, and it was really hard not being able to talk to her, and see her kids. I wanted to tell my story to others because I knew that I wasn't the only one out there going through this, so I told my story on a blog. I also own a laptop and when my sister and her family comes to visit they both get on my computer without asking my permission and use it, and somehow she found my posts about my abortion and flipped out, I also changed my password so they could not get into my computer and that is what made her mad.She always brings up the miscarriage that she had, and I feel like she is trying to make it about her, right now she and I aren't talking, she calls and talks to my parents all the time, but I never talk. When they came to visit one weekend she and her husband would barely talk to me. I just feel like she is going to bring this up every time she gets mad at me, and I'm sick of it. Is it time to say sorry?
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female
reader, DocGrl83 +, writes (5 November 2009):
You have nothing to apologize for- as other posters have said, your sister is upset about her miscarriage. She's jealous that you were pregnant and she lost her child. She is taking her pain and grief out on you-which is not right. She should be there for you during this time because you need support. Give her time to pout and she'll come back to you when she's ready. She's behaving in an immature way. Keep your head held high and know that the choices you make are your own and as long as you feel good about them, that's all that matters! Hang in there sweetie!
A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga  + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
 People have abortions for all sorts of reasons you had yours and your sister has to appreciate that it might not have been an easy thing for you to do, so instead of crucifying you for making YOUR DECISION! she ought to support you in what is the hardest decision a woman can make.
I also would be telling her it is your life not hers!
Gina
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A
female
reader, ffogalilly + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
ffogalilly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to mention my sister has two kids, and another on the way.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
No, you have nothing that you need to apologize about. I wouldn't be so nice about it if I were you. I'm sure you had your reasons as to why you had an abortion, and those are your reasons and you don't need to apologize for them. I know what it's like and it's not a joyous thing and not something that you're happy about. I'm with askoldersister on this one 100%.
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (4 November 2009):
 Instead of villifying her, try to understand her position. She wanted to be pregnant and lost the baby. You got pregnant when you didn't want to, and then aborted your baby. In her eyes, she feels like she's gotten an unfair cop out in life. Here she is, wanting a child, and her sister is the one who got RID of hers.
In the end, you need to know that she loves you and she's your family. I think you need to try and sit down and talk to her about WHY you had an abortion and explain to her that you're hurting from being separated from her, and you miss her. Tell her that you love her and don't want your actions to cause a permanent rift in your family.
She's hurting right now, badly. She's not communicating very well and instead of dealing with her pain, she's lashing out, which isn't right but it's understandable. She just lost her child, her emotions are incredibly tender and volatile right now.
Pleas try and be understanding with her, and approach this as delicately as you can. Your sister needs you right now, and you need her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): I agree, no appology, but you could reach out to her and tell her that sisters are tighter than any disagreement, and that you'd like to resort your relationship. If she demands an appology, you have the right to share with her that this was a private and personal decision that you made after long and thoughtful reflection (use your own words here...) and that while you know that she has strong beliefs realtive to this, that she needs to respect your decision.
Neither of you need to appoligise- it would be nice if she could, but I think that having your sister back is more important than winning...
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
 Yes it is and she should have done so much sooner. She IS making it about her.
I have my own difficulties reconciling abortion, however I understand that for a great many women this is a very painful and intimate thing to go through.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
 No, don't apologize to her. She should be apologizing to you for childishly ignoring you and making it all about her and what she went through. She also violates your privacy, good grief. You can always tell her that you love her no matter what and you are sorry she had to suffer through a miscarriage and leave it at that but do not apologize to HER for having an abortion, that wasn't about her nor did it have a single thing to do with her. In fact, it's not any of her business. I would follow that up with stating clearly you will not tolerate her using your things without permission. Sorry, sounds like you have a difficult, rather self absorbed sibling.
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