A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:please help, I got myself in a bit of a tangle. I have got 2/3 boyfriends and a fiance, my fiance lives abroad, my first boyfriend I have been with him for 4 years but it has been a rocky relationship on and off and my fiance I don't even know him that much, I just want to please my parents. The thing is I also now have a long distance relationship with my first boyfriend he travels to different countries for his career because of this we broke up but ended up getting back together plus am seeing these other two guys at uni however I have only slept with one, that is my first boyfriend. I know this may not make sense but I find it hard to disappoint these guys am confused,
View related questions:
broke up, different countries, fiance, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bobbysue  +, writes (3 November 2010):
whooa... "a bit of a tangle"??!?!? understatement of the year.
you need to figure out your life and straighten up before you break all of these boys' hearts. if you find it hard to disappoint them, you'll most likely find it harder to leave them broken. you need to decide for yourself which one you really like the best, at ditch the other ones before you make it any harder for all of you. and if it's not the one you're ENGAGED to, especially break it off.
you can't go through life just trying to please your parents. you need to figure out what YOU want in YOUR life, and stick with one choice.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (6 March 2008):
You said you dont want to disapoint them, by breaking up I guess you mean? Dont you think seeing so many other guys behind each of their backs is disrespectful and hurtful???
I guess you have to look at why you are doing this. Sure it is veyr hard to break up with someone and tell them the truth when it may hurt and I understand that may be contributing to why you are letting this continue, but there has to be another reason, some sort of pay off you are geitng. You're not just doing it to be nice. My guess is, by having so many diffeent bfs, it boosts your confidence for a small amount of time?
If this is the case, then you should look at building up yourself esteeem away from guys.
I really do think you need to either break up with them all or choose one and tell the one you chose to stay with what has happened. Yes it will hurt, but they deserve to know the truth and not knwoing the truth will hurt more in the long run.
...............................
A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (6 March 2008):
 HEY!!
You confused me! :) You need to end it with two and only have one partner.. It will end in tears, and you are still cheating even if you havent had sex with the others!!
Feel free to mail me at any time x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): My God you've been busy babe! Maybe you don't want to commit & I'm sure at your age it's natural not to want to commit to one guy but I think most people see one guy at a time (two at a push ...... not that i'm advocating two timing it usually ends in tears!). It's going to end up doing your head in if you don't sort it out. Maybe you should have space from all of them and just enjoy being you and young whilst you work out what you really want. You said you wanted to please your parents - is your fiance someone that they particularly like? or he is the 'type' of man they would like you to be engaged to? I must admit, your post made me smile a bit although I'm sure it's not funny to you at the moment but you may well look back and laugh about it one day. One thing I will say is that seeing more than person at once usually ends in tears for somebody & it really is better to have one guy at a time (I am 43 and speaking from experience/with the benefit of hindsight having made some mistakes & even now that I have found the 'love of my life' as I would call him, it's still not plain sailing and that's without anyone else to worry about!) - Good luck sorting it out! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 how many guys are you seeing? i got a bit confused there, what i gathered is that you're seeing 3 guys and engaged to a 4th? hun. come on - does any of this sound smart? and you dont even seem to be involved in any of these 'relationships' - i use the term lightly as i wouldnt call wat you are doing relationships. this is a complete mess - and someone is going to find out sooner or later - how happy will you be keeping everyone then? it sounds to me that you are afraid to get fully emotionally involved in a relationship and this is why you are choosing guys that are hardly available to you. do you even LOVE any of them? you need to sort your life out hun, who cares about wat your parents want for you, its your love life!! either figure out who you want to be with once and for all, or cut all ties will ALL guys. and to be honest i wouldnt advise you to marry your fiancee either - your not even mature enough to maintain one adult relationship let alone get married!! you NEED to figure this out - soon. if you want any more advice or just wanna talk just email me good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, Cosy +, writes (6 March 2008):
Which one do you like most? Which one make you happiest (not your parents) and which one would you ultimatley leave the other two for?...is it any of them? Or do you just need a fresh start?
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Hi,
no wonder you are confused, I have no idea who you are going out with from your post - as you don't even seem to know how many guys you have on the go yourself! 2/3??. Whatever happens though is going to be a mess, what do you expect when you have so many guys on the go. I'm not critizing you as you are very young, so variety is the spice of life and everything, and I remember my own dear mother telling me she once had 4 boyfriends at the same time. So what the hell eh? but what you reap you sow, at some stage you are going to have to whittle all these guys down to one prospect. Until then, your topsy turvy existence will continue.
...............................
|
