A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi dear agony aunts,I met J last month when i went on vacation (He lives in that country but we have the same nationality)A week later, we started going out and after one particular night out with other friends, he said we could go to his place to continue the night (Due to covid restrictions, everywhere closes very early) and i said why not and we proceeded to go there with two other girls.When it was time to go home, he ordered a cab for my friends and I. My friends were the first to leave and when they left, he told me he didn't order one for me because he wanted us to be alone. To cut the long story short, i ended up sleeping at his place and we didn't get physical though i was attracted to him and he made me know he wanted too.2 days later, we met, he made a move and we ended up having sex. The next days were cool. He checked on me, asked me if i needed something, took care of whatever i needed etc and it was great until i asked him if he had a girlfriend.He said he has a girlfriend but it is complicated. I asked him why would he be in a relationship if he feels it's no longer working and he said he'll leave her if i show him i am serious about him. I smiled and said nothing to that.Another day, she called and he put her on speaker and their conversation wasn't sounding like that of two people in a complicated relationship to me. When I asked him why it was a normal conversation, he told me he keeps good relationship with all his exes and her even though it is complicated.Truth be told, it didn't change anything between us because i somehow believed him.He asked me once after sex if i loved being with him, if i'll miss him when i go back home and i loved him.Once, he asked me if i could be in a relationship with someone who already has a girlfriend. I said i can't and gave him my reasons. The same day, asked me if we would still see each other if i got back home and got into a serious relationship, i still said no and asked why he is asking all those questions, he said he just wanted to hear my answer.Now i'm back home and wondering if this story has ended. I mean, he still says hello, still says he misses me and checks on me but i know something is off.What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (24 July 2021):
 You fell for a player and, because you were desperate for a holiday fling, you willingly accepted being the "bit on the side". Now you have gone home, he will have found himself another willing fling who will put up with being nothing but a temporary diversion to him.
It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't hear from him at some point, asking for money for some emergency or to buy a ticket to come and see you. Don't send him money.
In future, value yourself a bit more and don't settle for being someone's temporary distraction.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 July 2021):
 It was a summer fling for him. You were willing and available. And... gullible.
If I were you I'd accept that you slept with a guy who is "taken" and it won't amount to anything other than a holiday romance.
It's not like you can trust this guy, OP.
He might TELL you that his LDR is not going well and blah blah blah - the reality is he could be lying. Just like he probably IS lying to his LDR GF.
He wanted some sex and affection while on holiday, you were there and his GF wasn't, so he charmed the panties off you.
LEARN from this. If a guy has a partner he should be OFF LIMITS. Because he has nothing to offer YOU. Other than sweet nothings and his penis.
I'd block and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your frank answers, I really appreciated hearing the truth.
He video called a few moments ago, I brought it up again and i insisted on going no contact and he was frank on the fact that he wouldn't want to drop his girlfriend because what we had was very brief, he doesn't want to lose it for someone he barely knows and he doesn't want to stop talking to me either.
He said he isn't asking me to wait for him and i should feel free to get into a serious relationship if i meet someone better than him because he wants my happiness.
Also, he said if we had stayed together longer or maybe lived in the same country, he'd have his mind set up on what to do.
He said he loved me and i laughed about it using his own words: "how can you possibly love a girl you just met? Didn't you just say you didn't want to risk your relationship with your girlfriend because it is too soon? Is the love really necessary?"
His answer was "it happens. I've started loving you and if you stayed longer, i'd be totally in love with you" then proceeded to offer me a flight ticket to another country (which i refused)
Thanks a bunch, our discussion was just a confirmation of your answers to my issue :)
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (24 July 2021):
 OP this guy wants his cake and eat it, he wants to keep his girlfriend and keep you dangling on the side.
Its the same advice i would give a mistress dating a married man, it never has a happy ending.
He is nothing but a player really, he has no intention of ever leaving his partner for you, but is more than happy to cheat on her with you.
If you ever got with this guy, could you ever trust him, would you ever be 100% sure he is not out somewhere cheating on you.
If he can cheat on his girlfriend with you, then he is more than capable of cheating on you.
The best advice i can give you here is to block him, and abolish all contact with this guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2021): You've described the typical summer-vacation romance. They're sizzling-hot! They aren't really serious, just sexually invigorating. The trouble is, the guy is cheating on his girlfriend! Complicated usually means, she's serious and he isn't; or he plays-around on the side. It's okay, as long as he doesn't get caught!
I hope you don't let your feelings get attached. If he's cheating on her, he'll cheat on you too! He's a player. Any relationship you could possibly develop with him will surely be "complicated." Exactly what he'll tell the next female.
I want to educate you about something. Players like to prey on your female-sensitivities and your loneliness. If you're needy, he knows how to push the right buttons. You can be needy, and not realize it. These guys are well-schooled on the emotions of women. They like to make it seem as though they're falling for you. "You're different from the others!" They'll get your hopes up, your hormones surging, and you'll get attached. Girlfriend, all that good-sex and making-out tends to be the thing that gets you hooked!
He'll sweettalk you, be super attentive, and check on you hour by hour. Meanwhile, he's accumulating a harem of booty-calls, T&A pics, and a gang of playmates. His contacts are mostly female. Keep your girlfriends close, you're gonna need them!
You'll never really trust him; and you wouldn't, if you've got half a brain!
It seems you might be a little smitten and caught-up in it for the moment; but hopefully it'll wear-off. You're in your vacation-euphoria right-now! Always remember, he has a girlfriend; and he doesn't seem to mind if she gets hurt. She'll be you someday, if you try to hang-on to him. Check your feelings, sweetheart!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2021): He wants permission to keep the girlfriend - who is not complicated - and have the best of both Worlds. She was there first, she is part of his life far more than you are. If he has to choose one or the other he will choose her, she is more likely to stick with it and still be around in five years - a better bet than you are. But he cannot see what is wrong with having two or lying to her. What does that say about him?
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