A
female
age
51-59,
*oloradojennifer
writes:short version of the long story. I fell in love with my boss (though we are the same age). We started as great friends and everyone thought we were soulmates. Then he told me he was thinking of me all the time and that he could not get me out of his head. Fast forward one and a half years later. I divoced, he did not. Says he has a plan but is just terrified to act on it. Woried about ruining his two girls lives. Worried the wife would freak out and abandon them. (who wants a mom like that )We love each other more than anyone we have ever experienced before. I want to grow old with this man and love and protect and respect him. I want the privilege of holding his hand and looking at his beautiful face for the rest of my years. What do I do? His wife is clue free; too busy planning their very socialite life. Should she find out?
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divorce, fell in love, my boss, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 January 2009):
 It's Karma..
I hope you learned one thing from all this. A cheater lies. They will tell anyone whatever they need to in order to get what they want.
Your boss and lover is a cakeman. He wants his cake (wife & marriage) and eat it too (you). He's not going to give up his wife and marriage and there is nothing you can do to make him.
Don't screw married men, don't cheat. Because in the end the only one you are cheating is YOU.
Poor wife, she is married to that man-skank..
A
female
reader, pastfirst +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Seems to me this guy has been telling you all the oldest lines in the book, and if you got divorced because of him, you've really been taken for a ride.
YOU want to get old with him and hold his hand forever. What does HE want? He obviously wants to have his cake and eat it.
The two of you are also pulling the wool over the eyes of his unsuspecting wife.
If he wanted her to find out, he'd have told her by now.
At least HE'S a bit worried about ruining the lives of his two girls, but YOU don't seem to care how many lives you ruin.
Take a look at your life. Don't waste it. It's too short.
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A
female
reader, Miss_Stone  +, writes (26 January 2009):
Sorry lady, but you need to wake up.
You should never have gone there. A married man with kids?
Why do you want to love, protect and respect a man who cheats on his marriage vows? What has he done to deserve someone's respect in this situation? He's betraying his wife and kids. I don't know what he's telling you, but he married that woman for a reason - whatever the reasons are, their relationship is none of your business, and you've just complicated things further.
He's giving you plenty of excuses why he's not leaving her. Basically he's got no balls. And you have no right to comment on her ability as a mother - you're trying to lure away her husband ffs! You're only getting one side of the story in their relationship - his side, remember that!
So you think you should tell her, huh? What if she already knows? What if he's done this before? How do you think it's going to change your situation? Come on now, if he wanted to be with you, he would've left her already - not kept you on tenterhooks for one and a half years! *sighs
Do the first smart thing since you met the guy - quit your job and get the hell away from them. This is toxic and you're wasting your time!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): Hi. You talk about his wife like she is so self involved you have the right to seduce her husband. I think that's very selfish of your part trying to control the situation by telling her just because it ain't working the way you wish.
You got divorced because of him so your boss'/lover's ego is satisfied enough already. Why should he get a divorce? He has the best of both worlds.
This is an emotionally unavailable man. The kind who does anything to swept you off your feet but when the thing becomes serious and requires action and intimacy from his part finds all the excuses in the world to prevent him from commiting.
Now romance between you and him won't be the same since you'll start pressuring him, he'll reply with more excuses, you'll begin threatening him, tension will build between you two, you'll do thigns so his wife would notice, he'll stay with his wife and kids probably after a separation in which his daughters will be affected terribly because of your little dream of holding hands and grow old together.
I think you should quit your job and say goodbye. That's what is right. But I know you won't do it. Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Blessings
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Hi there, Should I take it that you got divorced because you and your husband were not able to make the marriage work, or did you divorce because your lover promised something that you believed? Whatever the case, with the information that you have provided, it will appear that the gentleman that you want to be with, wants his family, and wants you as dessert. I don't think he ever intended to divorce has wife, as a lot of men are prone to do when push comes to shove. If there are children, they are always a good excuse to not do something they don't want to do anyway, which is change the status quo. He may be thinking about his position at work, but regardless, he doesn't really seem to wsnt to start over with a new family. What you need to do, is to have a serious conversation with him and find out where his head is, what are his plans, you should demand honesty. I say this becasue men will lead you on for years with the promise of whatever they think you want to hear, they are hoping that you will just hang around, and they will relish in the benefits. Have that conversation, then decide what you want your life to be, sure you want to love him, care for him, and be with him the rest of your life, great, but you can't do that when he is in his house with his family, and still married to his wife. If you have to face reality then do it, don't be manipulated into doing what he wants and forfeiting your plans for your life. Time is too short for your life to be put on hold while he dilly dallies, without any expectation of changing how things are at this point in time. The other problem I have, is that cheaters are just that, sorry to say, especially men, how do you know, that if he marries you after his divorce, if he gets one, that there won't be another woman? Designate a time and place for a serious conversation. Good luck. Remember to be your very own best friend. Be good to yourself.
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