A
male
age
30-35,
*woTenTwelve
writes:Guys and gals, I have a problem. For a long, long time I've convinced myself that I'm just incompatible with women. That I'm not handsome enough, fit enough, funny enough etc to draw the attention of any females. I've also told myself that women simply aren't "interested" in me over and over.I'm so tired of feeling like this, and I'm so lonely. I've never dated a girl. Hell, I've never even kissed a girl. The other day I was with a close friend of mine and we were hanging out with some of (his) female friends whom I had never met. I thought I was making a fool out of myself and looked like an idiot etc etc, but after the girls had left my friend told me that one of them was hitting on me a LOT, and obviously too.Why don't I notice when girls are flirting with me?! I didn't think she was REMOTELY interested in me. I feel like I'm dense as a rock. Anyways, to get to my real question - why can't I seem to allow myself to show interest in women? My entire life I've been terrified that women will think of me as some sleezy, sex-craved creep if I show even the slightest interest in a girl. And I REALLY think this is why I'm always single - because I NEVER allow myself to show girls that I am interested in them! Why is this, and how can I get over it? I don't think a relationship is even possible without the guy making the first move, even in this day and age (unfortunately). UGhhhhhh, I hate how pathetic I feel/sound. I just want to be loved. :(
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male
reader, Mr Me +, writes (10 December 2009):
 A girl wont flirt back with you as heavily as your friend made it out to seem less you show interest in them. They will flirt lightly if you don't, but if you show interest back it shows to them that you are really enjoying their company and they flirt harder yet, I've noticed. This means that, contrary to what you have yourself believing, you actually did show interest in her.
You know, I still completely miss a lot of flirtatious lines and lines that are suppose to catch my attention. And I'm 25. It takes a lot of getting out there and just hanging with girls to really learn the game. Just keep that up and stop thinking about "when am I going to get in a relationship?" It will help you relax and be yourself.
When I was your age (21, even), I had the hardest time talking to girls and I had a dry spell of kissing girls for several years while in college. When I stopped trying so hard to find a girlfriend or even a girl to kiss, I suddenly entered a 20 month long relationship. I mean, that girlfriend and I met in a place which would be the last place I'd expect to find a gf.
So, to sum up, relax and keep being yourself. You're doing find and you obviously are showing your interest in women judging by the way that one girl was behaving. And, remember, you'll find a girl who is compatible with you when you least expect it!
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