A
male
age
36-40,
*oTaLcHo
writes:Hi, you speak of age gaps btw 18 - 21 so forth, what about 16 and 42? My gf once dated her dad best mate (her dad doesnt know) he was like a guardian to his 4 daughters all of simular age, n he disided to sleep with her lots. I find this disgusting and hard to get get a grasp off even now when shes clearly going out with me. I was just brought up on strong beliefs and the way she claimed he took advantage of her, really stresses me out. Any advice would be gratefulThank you
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 I think you should tell her to tell her dad. Offer to be with her when she does. In some areas, what he did may be illegal (she is still a minor, and if he was ever her "babysitter", like if her father asked him to lookout for her and check in on her at all) there could be serious grounds. As for a relationship with her, you need to understand that everyone has a past. Learn to accept it. If SHE did something you are personally against, THAT is grounds for ending it. Otherwise, you shouldn't hold it against her. If I was her father, I would want to know.
-FBK
A
male
reader, ToTaLcHo +, writes (23 May 2007):
ToTaLcHo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLetting go is easier said than done, But if it was my daughter, i know i would be in jail for what i would do to that older person. However its t her dads place to decide that but he doesnt even know the truth. There is many lies and secrets and that upsets me + i have to go to spain in aug n her dad will proberly invite him round a scone and tea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): You have to decide if you can live with this information and come to grips with it. How much do you truely love her, accept her for who she is now? She was a teenage girl-he was the adult, here.It does sound like maybe she was taken advantage of. Teenagers are more likely to date older men, if they are bored, unloved or feeling lost, empty. At the time, your gf either forgot or was not equipped with the strong values, perhaps the limits and love she needed at the time, to avoid growing up too fast. This older guy likely had a lifestyle that she found appealing. A little misguided and foolish, on your gf's part..yes, but very, very inappropriate on this older guy's part. It's my opinion-there likely was an extreme power imbalance in this relationship she had with him.
I also feel that some older men have rigid, stereotyped views of masculinity so many see the "conquest" of a young girl as an affirmation of his own masculinity. kinda sad, isn't it? In other words, your gf may have been used. And because of her age, if this older guy had any inkling of control issues, he would have found her easy to manipulate. I could be wrong in what I am saying here, but whatI have described has been the norm. There are some older guys who respect younger woman, but many of them have the common sense not to bed a teen girl, unless he's got some problems of his own.
Just my thoughts. Go easy on your gf and live for today. Put all this bs behind you. Look at who she is...today with you. At 16, young girls do some very troubling things, and there is always someone ready to pounce and take advantage. So try to be understanding, loving and give her a break. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Okay, first thing is that I'm really pleased to hear you're grossed out by the way she was treated rather than the way she acted because really, at 16, we're kids and however much we want to pretend to be adults the fact is that she was young and vulnerable and he took advantage of her and because she was only 16, she enjoyed the attention and affection. The fact is that she's now a lot older and more mature and I'm guessing she wouldn't stand for being treated this way. Also, the man technically did nothing wrong since she was legally old enough. I think it's just one of those things you need to learn to let go.
CD
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