A
female
age
41-50,
*ecper
writes:i really dont know what to do , 8 months ago my husband cheated on my with my bestfriend , i knew in my heart something had happened , he lied and lied about it , everytime i asked he would put me down for even questioning him , he made me feel like everything was my fault and i was walking on eggshells for the 5 months before i got the truth , i lost trust in him then , it killed me inside when i found out , i now 3 months after getting the truth i still dont trust him , i dont want to get sexual with him, everytime i look at him i think of it , and it disgusted me , we have 2 small kids together and i dont want them to get hurt but i just feel so abused and used , he slept with her , then came home and slept with me , she gave him an std also , he says he doesn't know why he did it cause i have never done anything wrong , its not my fault , i dont think he wants to tell me , after so many lies how can i believe him and how can i trust him , he put me trough hell for months , pushing me away , i would have to grovel for hugs and kisses , i feel used . what can i do?
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female
reader, becper +, writes (19 June 2010):
becper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry i ment if the kids got hurt through us getting a divorce , thing is one of them is nearly 3 and my other one is nearly 17 months ,so they wouldn't remember , she was 8 months old when he cheated , thank you asll for your advice x
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Your welcome. Be strong for yourself and your kids. sad that someone can do that to an innocent child. You deserve better from someone so go see the counsellor get it sorted then make your decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): I'm sorry but your children are NOT the ONLY important ones in all of this - you need to include YOU in that. I don't think your marriage can be repaired but you can be a great mother. If it was a one night drunken stand after years of marital misery then maybe. However you begged him for months for the truth and eventually you find out he did that with you friend? With an std included? No No No. I am not at all surprised you cannot look at him in the same way and why on earth should you? He is not the man you married any more. I know hand on heart that I would leave and it would not be just over the affair it would be because of his inability to be honest when you asked him. Too much damage. I hope this helps you. These are only our opinions on this site but deep down you will find the answer within yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): The two of you can be good parents without being together; if you don't want to be with this man, you don't have to be. Maybe you should separate for a while so you can clear your head and decide how you want to move forward with this marriage. If the two of you split, but remain respectful, there's no reason for your children to suffer.
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A
female
reader, becper +, writes (18 June 2010):
becper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u all for ur help , i am still very confused , my trust and respect for him are gone , and just dont want my kids to get hurt , they are the important ones in the whole of this , he didnt think of me or them , when he did what he did , the girl , went out trying to break us up , he knew what she was like and always said he didnt like her , they broke my heart to peices and i'm pulling myself up slowly , i just dont think its fair on my kids , thank u all again :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Why do you stay?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): It was a mistake. Get over it.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (18 June 2010):
How can you honestly be with both of them after your "best friend" and your "husband" have humiliated you and broken your trust.
I know you must love him and your friend but this is his problem not yours it's also your friends problem. I would seriously see a counsellor on your own because you clearly cannot trust them yet. The counsellor should be able to help you figure your own goals from this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Can you ever trust him again? If the answer is no... then I am afraid you will have to leave him. Life is way too short to spend it with a person you can never trust.
If the answer is yes maybe, then ask yourself if you can ever love him again? If no... see my answer above.
If you answer yes, or maybe yes, the only way this will ever work, is with intensive counselling for you and then intensive counselling for you and your hubby (couples counselling). Sorry to be so negative, but this is how I see it.
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