A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. I married my boyfriend of 7 years 4 months ago and I love him to death. Four and a half years before we got married I went out with a friend and got really, really drunk. I woke up the next day to find I had gone home with a guy and may have slept together. I have absolutely no recollection of this night (not even leaving the pub) and this is totally out of character and nothing like this has ever happened since. The guy was a brother of my friend's sister's boyfriend. My boyfriend knows who he is but we don't mix in the same circle of friends. I am much more careful about my alcohol intake and will never put myself in this position again. My problem is that I never told my boyfriend, friends convinced me that it would only cause him pain and because I have learned my lesson and will never, ever repeat it, that it should remain a secret. I still feel so guilty although most of the time I try to pretend it never happened which I can do most of the time because I don't remember anything. I can't bear the thought of breaking his heart and think the time to tell him would have been before we got engaged and married. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): I am feeling the same shame and guilt..I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we are due to get married in the next year..I completely understand your feelings as I also acted out of complete character..Although I didnt sleep with the person, I kissed them and a couple of people saw it happen. This was over a year ago and I am terrified that some day he will find out. I hate myself for doing what i did and I am ashamed of myself. I hope we can both find it in our hearts to forgive ourselves and pray that our partners never have to find out.
My thoughts are with you!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): Everyone thinks it's better not to tell, right up until it's a situation where THEY were the one being cheated upon.
Sorta like if you rob a bank, then all your friends say you should keep the money. Everyone will agree except the people whose money was in that bank.
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A
male
reader, Owlian +, writes (21 November 2007):
I agree with your friends, and if you really love your boyfriend you should spare him the pain and misery it will cause him. Also be careful what you drink in future
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (21 November 2007):
 You need to consider the fact that nothing may have actually happened. Perhaps you should ask this guy what did happen? You might be beating yourself up over nothing.
If you do decide to tell your husband, you'll feel alot better personally, although of course you will hurt him, and probably seriously dent his trust in you.
If this is something that is going to eat at you and possibly hinder your chances of a totally happy and fulfilling relationship, perhaps you should tell your husband. Write it in a letter, so you can express exactly how you feel, why you are telling him, etc.
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A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Althought I believe cheating is WRONG and honesty is most important, I have to say I agree with your frinds. First, you arent even sure if you did anything and even if you did, you know it is wrong and are completely devoted to your husband. If you tell him now, he will feel like it just happened yesterday but in reality it wasnt. He will probably take it badly (who wouldnt?) and the trust will be lost. Do you want to risk going through all of that for the sake of honesty? Im not sure its worth it, especially since you dont remember doing anything. There is a difference between cheating on your boyfriend when you are fully aware versus maybe/maybe not doing something in an incapacitated state.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2007): I think the closer you get to your boyfriend the bigger the problem gets.
Then theres the problem that your relashionship is a sham.
Weve all had it that special moment when your partner looks into your eyes and says have you ever cheated on me?
just keep your fingers crossed.
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