A
female
age
,
*anina
writes:I broke with my ex of 14 months in January. He was very negative, angry and always talked about his past problems. I soon missed him and realised that I would rather be with him rather than without. He then decided that he needed space to sort his problems out. I cannot confidently say that he has not been seeing anyone else although he says he has not. I have had dates but I find myself missing my ex. I have tried so much to move on and seemed to be doing so well. We have started to chat, text and met last week. The warmth, sexual chemistry was still there. He says that he needs space and does not want a relationship because he has so many issues to sort ou. I want to be friends but just dont feel strong enough. I dont want to lose the friendship as I want to be in his life in case I can win him back. I am beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with me because I just cant let go or dont want to let go. It hurts nearly as much today as it did in January. I keep busy and take part in so many activities but I just keep missing him. I am just not sure what I should be doing to get over this now!! This is actually starting to drain me.
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female
reader, Janina +, writes (10 November 2008):
Janina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFantastic feedback!! I have printed off your response and will carry it as a reminder.You are very right - I do miss the validation and the affection but there was more destruction of who I am than anything else.
Thamk you so much!! I do deserve better but I sometimes have to keep reminding myself.
A
female
reader, Janina +, writes (10 November 2008):
Janina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback. I do attract men but I either get those that just want sex or those that want to smother me. Nothing in between!! I think that is another reason I think back to my ex as I have not met anyone that has matced him yet.
Should I cut off contact with him completely? He wants to be friends. He gets the friendship and I just hurt myself more.
He says he does not want a relationship but his texts have become flirty. What is going on?
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A
female
reader, Miss Potter +, writes (10 November 2008):
 No no no no no, here is what you have to avoid: "I soon missed him and realised that I would rather be with him rather than without."
You are alone and feeling miserable, not a good reason to get back together with your angry and pessimistic ex!!!
What you need to do now is get out and meet new people, soon you will come to realise that you broke up for a reason - he wasnt the right person for you and there are plenty more men out there who will make a better boyfriend!
When I broke up with my bf of 3 years, when I was alone I wondered whether I have done the right thing and would get upset that I havent heard from him for a while, but then when I would go out and put my hi heels on and make up and look all pretty and chat to guys I didnt feel alone and I was happy to be single and have this opportunity to meet new men and get to know them!
Just try a little bit harder to move on - dont listen to your heart, listen to your brain for a minute, write down all his negative sides, things you werent happy with and focus on them!
He has also stated that he doesnt want a relationship with you! Once a man has made up his mind it is very very hard to turn it around.
So next time you are out - dont think about him, think about how much you have got to offer to a new man, feel sexy and pretty and smile at men when they are passing by, you will notice how much more attention it gets you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): You are not going to get over him with him in your life. The hardest step is the first one - cutting someone off completely. But as long as he is in your life in any capacity you won't be able to move on.
He was negative and angry, if you were to think about the sort of person you need to be with, that possesses the qualities that would make you happy in a partner does he possess them?
I get the impression you weren't happy with him. That won't have changed. You just haven't allowed yourself to be happy alone.
I think you're missing the affection and validation that he may have occasionally given you.
You need to think long and hard about what went wrong in the relationship, what kind of person you need to be with and channel your energy into getting closer to that goal, as well as any other personal goals you have in your life.
Do you really want to be the needy female that would rather settle for someone that isn't right?
I doubt it. So don't be.
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