A
female
age
36-40,
*opeful Romantic
writes:I lived with my boyfriend for a little over a year and then we moved out and moved into his dads house to try and save money to buy a house. Well, times got tough and we haven't been able to really save any money because his business was not generating any money. Now, his business is back up and rolling and money is starting to come in. However, we've been at his dads for 6 months, with no savings and now find out how bad of a financial situation his dad is in. His dad is basically asking my boyfriend (his son) for $20,000.00 which will obviously be business money which is pretty messed up, beings that my boyfriend never spends business money on anything besides business, but I guess he is now thinking of making an exception. I tried to tell my boyfriend that money could give us a good downpayment on a house and he says he knows that, but family is more important to him and he feels he should help his dad out. I know I cannot put my foot down because I am just a girlfriend - so now I have all these other questions slapping me in the face... does this mean we'll never get our own place? Does this mean maybe I should give up on him being my life-long companion - because he is more worried about giving his dad lots of money, instead of putting it toward our future and it's not like I ever hear him talk about the possibility of marriage or anything. I just don't know what to think. He says that our possessions are "ours," but no mention to give me hope for the future and I can't help but get upset over the possibility of him giving away so much money - when I am sick and tired of being at his dads house!!! It is a really big 3 story house, but my boyfriend is in the living room with his dad watching TV almost every night... it is not just us any more and I have been having to share my time with him... I just want my own place to live, and my own family and I feel like it will take even longer for me to get the things I desire if he gives his dad the money... that his dad will never be able to pay back (so I assume).
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female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (19 September 2008):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the question PS - BTW, I agree w/ the anonymous writer - I also do not think that parents should depend on or ask their children for money. When I was a kid I used to always joke around & tell my parents that when I become a millionair I will give them a big hunk of money & they always told me NO - that they wouldn't accept it.
I feel very sorry for children who have to put up with their parents asking them for financial help - it shouldn't happen.
A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (18 September 2008):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank all of you who gave advice on my current situation.
Last night I had a talk with my boyfriend and his dad after they had sat down together and went over numbers... his dad has decided to sell the house and wants no money from his son. I will help get everything nice and neat to help prepare with selling the house - he hopes to have it sold within 3 months & thinks it will sell because he is selling it for SOOO much less than what it's worth, & it will give him a little extra to go get himself another place to live and my boyfriend and I will be getting our own place as well. PS - I will not be helping pay for this because of the fact that I am just a girlfriend - I am not going to help pay b/c if he were to break up w/ me he would have everything & I would have nothing, but at least we are making some forward progress. :) And I am not depending on him financially, I have my own job, I pay for my own things, and I pay my own bills - I just don't make enough to have my own place in a decent neighborhood in this current city.
Thanks again to everyone!
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (17 September 2008):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA better way to ask the question I am trying to get answered is... if you're a guy, with a girl for two+ years, what would you say to her if she told you she didn't want you to give your favorite family member money to help them out?
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (17 September 2008):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt sounds so easy to get out until I really think about it. I am living in a city where I do not get paid enough to have my own place in a decent neighborhood. If I did get my own place, I could only afford somewhere in the ghetto where it would be unsafe to live. So, I would have to completely relocate and abandon my brand-new job where no one else even works at right now (my bosses are out of state, opened up a new division & have me running it).
Then there is the fact that I would have to leave the dog with him that I bought him for Christmas. I would leave it behind because it was a gift from me, but gosh... it would be so hard to do so.
And then what would I say, "I'm leaving you because you're going to give your dad the money?" would that not make me sound selfish? ... I'm so confused.
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A
male
reader, kinkydude  +, writes (17 September 2008):
you may want to share the fact the if things don't change, you're not going to be around anymore. Communication is really important in a relationship. You need to tell him everything that you've stated here...he's bound to change. if he doesn;t want to lose you
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