A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I''d like some impartial advice on whether I'm over-reacting and getting ahead of myself and secondly how I deal with the situation.My partner and I have been together a year and a half, he's nearly 10 years older than I am so we've moved fairly fast in our relationship and haved lived together in my house for the last 8 months or so (he rents his flat out). All is going well and we are starting to plan our future together.The issue is I live about an hour away from my parents and have no nearby family, my partner's parents live about 5 miles away. Whilst they are very nice people they are older than my parents and have a very quiet social life, they don't go out with friends, don't drink, don't go on holiday etc my parents are the opposite and my partner and I have gone on holiday with them and plenty evenings out even with the distance. My partners parents are also quite firm in their beliefs and can be quite forthright in saying their opinion. For example I recently bought my own house on a shared equity scheme as house prices are high in my area, my partner bought his flat 10 years ago and nearly owns it outright, they have already made it clear they think I made a stupid decision even though I bought it a year before I even met my partner. Basically they think I'm after my partner's equity and have said we need to draw up a contract so when we buy a property together I will only own a small portion compared to my partner. I find it all really nosey and interferring, my partner is 36 and feels that as they gave him the deposit 12 years ago they can dictate how the money is spent still.The latest saga is that the in-laws said they had found us a new house...we aren't ready to move yet and no intention to live in the house they suggested. We went on holiday and when we came back his mother had been to the estate agents and decided they wanted to live there and wanted to buy it that day. Firstly she didn't tell her husband, secondly it needed about a year to renovate it and thirdly it's literally round the corner from my house. They have made no secret of the fact they want to be close to us, the house was completely unsuitable for their needs at their age but it was so close to us she was willing to get it. So basically am I over-reacting or should I be making my feelings know early on that I'm not happy with them following us around as we move house. We've only been together 18 months, though we do intend on getting married one day we're still in a fairly new relationship and I feel like there's 4 in it!! Is this the start of some very awkward conversations?
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female
reader, DaniellaTheLifeCoach +, writes (26 May 2015):
Hi! If you want to be happier, it sounds like it is the start of some awkward conversations. But if your partner knows how you feel, you may not be the person having to have them – they are his parents after all.His parents are of a different generation entirely from you and your parents so it’s understandable that they have slowed down. Their behaviour is perhaps a little ‘old school’ but natural that they would feel protective of their son. It is good if you and your partner put on a united front when dealing with his parents, otherwise it could well divide your relationship.In terms of the equity and drawing up a contract, what does your partner think? If this is what he wants, so be it (if you agree) but if he doesn't, there is no concern even if you do find his parents to be nosey/interfering. After all, you can’t stop others from expressing their opinion but you can choose how you react towards it. Take care and best of luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 May 2015):
 First of all, don't let them get to you. THEY are looking out for their son, and while he might be in his 30's they see him as a "kid" - THEIR kid, still.
As for equity. Well, none of their business. You and your BF might decide to keep his flat and just make money renting it out. OR you might decide to sell it. It's up to you two. Making sure that there is a LEGAL and binding agreement IF he sells it and put the money into your house IS a good idea. For both of you. Specially since you are not married, even if you were, having a CLEAR idea and LEGAL document of who owns how much is ALWAYS smart.
If they think it's "stupid" that you bought a house then let them, you can't control what they think. You didn't BUY it with him in mind, you bought that house for you, so YOU know it wasn't a stupid move. Screw what they "think".
As for the house that his mom wants around the corner... well you can't really tell them where to live.
How does your BF feel about all this? Have you talked about it with him?
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