A
female
age
41-50,
*anna58
writes:I am a 30-year-old professional woman and I am devasted because it's been a very long time since I have had any tangible dating prospects. I'd like any advice or feedback on how to best handle this incredibly and increasingly painful situation.Although I have dated men in the past, none of these relationships were truly committed and none have lasted more than a few months, so I can say that I've been single my entire adult life and that I've always been looking for someone special. I am objectively attractive, I have always been. Others always use the words "pretty" or even "beautiful" to describe me. I don't think I am beautiful, but I am definitely pretty and very slim (I have never had any sort of weight problem). I am successful in my career, and perhaps there was a time when I put that first, but this hasn't been the case in a while. In fact, I have tried to put my love life first for several years and have even taken a less lucrative position that would allow that in terms of time. I do meet men that are interested in dating me, but I don't share their feelings at all. I've tried to date such men on several occasions, but eventually they leave me, because ultimately (and quite rightly) they want to be loved, as well. A few times, I have dated men that I really liked, but they too have left me because they said I wasn't the one for them. So basically no one I like ever likes me back. Lately, it seems like anyone I could have liked is already taken and I am not physically attracted to anyone that's single. Because I love and respect myself too much to enter into a relationship with an attached man, I find myself completely alone. My friends and family say that I'm crazy, that the right one will come along. I believed that for many years, but at this point, I've given up. I feel that my choices are too settle for a boring, unattractive man that will eventually leave me (because I'll never be able to recipricate his initial feelings) or to be alone forever. While I am very close with my father, my relationships with men are not very good. I have a few close male friends from my youth, but I have found it impossible to become friends with men since university. Now, when I meet a man that has an interesting personality, but that I know I will never be attracted to, he has no interest in pursuing a friendship as soon as he understands that a romantic relationship is out of the question. Even out of all my old male acquaintaces, I only have one friend that has never made a pass at me (and no, it didn't make me realise that I had strong hidden feelings for him). Additionally, I'd like to add, that I don't have any other relationship issues, I have a wonderful relationship with my family (including my two brothers) and have beautiful, intimate friendships (with women). And no, I'm not a lesbian. Any advice?
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Doesn't sound like theres any problem here, apart from patience.
Ask older sister is right, its not always fireworks and chemistry at first, i have found this to be true for me. Ive met guys that i didn't fancy at all at first, the more i got to know them, the more i fancied them. Thats why its always good to mix with lots of people if you can i believe, because someone that starts out as a friend, can end up more. The relationships that start out all chemistry and sex sex sex, generally dont last anyway.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Hi yanna
I can see how frustrating and upset you are hunny, You sound like a lovely young woman, My advise to you is to relax enjoy your life and maybe dont look so hard hunny..You may think this is crap advise. The turn of the coin is Ive had 3 very unhappy mariages and it was not untill I was 43 that I found the person I felt really happy and secure with in everyway. And that was a very chance meeting when I least expected it love. You are a beautiful people say you are, We very rarely call ourselves beautiful but I feel you must be hun not just on the outside you have good friends and a wonderful family, You have just not met the right guy for you yet. Sometimes we can get pressured as we get older as if its a race put it like that and because we are looking so hard it never happens. You are your own person at the moment maybe do something you wouldnt usually do go somewere you wouldnt normally go, You have a great career no ties at the moment, You can do anything, There has to be something you have always wanted to do but have never done it hunny..We meet people in the strangest of places love were we never dream we would just live..If I were you Id think of something mad to do you've concentrated on your career for along time, Take some time off if you can and go crazy hun, This maybe not the advise you wanted but Im sure others will help as well. I believe in living for the moment sweetheart if you have done the same thing most of your life then Id be wanting to make a change and do something a little mad! Somones going to snap you up soon enough after all they would be mad not to..TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Hi,
I guess the one thing you dont mention is what type of men are attractive to you. You place importance on your career, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But is it also a priority for the men you date?
What about your friends, have you asked them to be honest with you, maybe they can shed some light, often our friends don't want to hurt us but you may very well find that they have some interesting opinions on how you go about meeting men or the men that you do meet.
Otherwise there is nothing glaringly obvious in what you say other than you have just lucked out.
Still if you have never had a relationship last more than a few months, there has to be something going on here.
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