A
female
age
30-35,
*are1991
writes:Hi ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently what ive noticed is that everytime before we have intercourse he gets himself hard instead of asking me to do it. He knows 100% all he has to do is say or just hint then im there but when i confront him he sas its in my mind im going senile i need help etc. It really hurts me and ive convinced myself that im not good enough i dont turn him on anymore like i used to because if i did he wouldnt have to get himself hard would he??My confidence n everything has totally gone i feel like im just a shell and not a person. Any help advice is extremely appreciated thanks x
View related questions:
confidence Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sare1991 +, writes (7 August 2016):
sare1991 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWiseowlE yeah i understand things change in a mans body especially as they get older but it the way he goes about it eg we can be sat watching a film all is ok then a good looking woman comes on in skimpy clothes then all of a sudden he is hard. Then wants sex. But i feel like anything can turn him on but me x
A
female
reader, sare1991 +, writes (7 August 2016):
sare1991 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u everyone. Yeah we have problems with porn.8 months ago i found somthing he had been searching. (Online sex sites). Iv still not managed to get over it. Like i said previously he denys it and gets anxious when i try to find answers out from him x
...............................
A
female
reader, sare1991 +, writes (7 August 2016):
sare1991 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone thanks for comments yes we have had a massive problem with porn and other things he has been looking at he gets extremly defensive when confronted. (It was online sex sites) When he is confronted he obviously denies it but i cant seem to get over it 8 months later x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2016): One word that causes this sooooo often ... PORN , and many men don't seem to think it's a problem and expect women not to be hurt that they need eternally young hard bodies to look at to get turned on
Yes imagine if women suddenly became unable to sexually perform unless we had young perfect looking men to imagine and fantasise we were having sex with instead of them
Men would fall apart
They have never lived in a world where their entire gender was valued for nothing but appearance so cannot understand
You don't mention porn but I can assure you that's almost certainly why he is not getting turned on with a normal woman
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2016): Sexual-performance is a very sensitive subject with males, and when you start questioning his performance you are indirectly attacking his manhood.
As a female, I don't expect you to understand that. You are overreacting and creating things in your head that have nothing to do with you. It's two years into a relationship and not having a penis you don't know much about how they work. Sweetheart, it is not your fault. You are not to blame.
He is on the defensive and doesn't really mean to hurt your feelings. You're indirectly telling him he has some sort of erectile dysfunction. Sorry, but no male wants to hear that from a sex partner! You start to get used to a partner and as you also get older, erections aren't always as quick to happen. If he lost interest in sex with you, he'd make excuses not to have it. Wouldn't you think?
It has nothing to do with your attractiveness or sex appeal. If he started bringing up changes in you, your self-esteem would be under attack. Well, that's exactly what's happening on the male end of this situation. Your girlfriend is telling you you can't get hard quick enough.
How are you supposed to react to that?
Some things you leave alone. You don't blame yourself, you blame time and the fact that men are not machines that perform the same way each and every-time. No more than you may orgasm for him, each and every-time. Sex is supposed to be a part of your romance. You can mess it up by overthinking things and making accusations that have no real basis. If he doesn't rise immediately, then there must be something wrong with you? That's not always the case.
You're a familiar and long-term sex partner, and he's two years older than he was when you first got together. There are other factors than yourself that change here.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 August 2016):
 Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot. Not because he doesn't need you to get an erection but because he's making your feel awful about it but calling you senile. If it were me, I'd be more worried about this than the erection problem.
...............................
|
