A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now and its going better then good he’s the most loving and caring man I’ve ever met. We love each other and everyday he goes above and beyond for me to make me feel special and loved. I had a very rough year. I lost my mom to cancer and he never left my side. Him and his family attended every event always made me feel like part of their family and gave me undying support. We moved in together almost 6 months ago and its going great we do everything together and i love spending my time with him. We got a puppy together 3 months ago. And we’re starting to feel like a little family. There is just one thing that upsets me sometimes, and it’s probably me overreacting and maybe even being a little selfish but I feel like my feelings should always be vaild and I just wanted an outsiders opinion. I feel like sometimes he puts going out with his friends before me. Like on some weekends he’ll go out drinking with his friends and he won’t even ask me if I want to do anything and not every weekend but just sometimes. I completely understand were only 27 and were still young were not a married couple but he says all the time how he wants to marry me and have kids with me and I just know wife's that husbands leave them at home with the kids while they go with their friends drinking and stuff and that will never be me. I just feel like I would drop plans with my friends in a heartbeat for him but he wouldn’t do the same for me. And it’s probably me being jealous and selfish because he does everything for me and i know that he loves me but I feel like i made him number 1 in my life and i just want to feel like the same in his. Does anyone have an opinion on this?
View related questions:
jealous, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (16 August 2021):
 By your own admission you are both only 27 and still young with your whole lives ahead of you.
I think its normal and natural to want to stay in touch with friends and go out with them for a catch up. I actually think that this is healthy for a relationship.
Its great that you really love each other, he sounds like a really nice guy, a keeper. But also its important to keep up contacts with friends,, have your own hobbies, and not be in each other pockets 24/7.
Don't ditch your friends in a heart beat either, if you do this on a regular basis you may find your relationship with them diminishes, and you never know when you may need a friend in this life.
You say he does not go out every weekend, but only sometimes. This is totally fine, if it was an all weekend drinking session, every weekend, and a couple of times in the week as well then you might have something to worry about.
In this case i don't feel that you have anything to worry about at all, this is normal.
He sounds like a good guy who loves you very much. Stop worrying and just enjoy life, and the joys that being in a lovely relationship brings.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 August 2021):
 I think it's healthy for couples to have some time away from each other, hanging out with friends. Being glued to each other 24/7 and depending on each other for company and entertainment is not healthy (IMHO).
YOU need to find things YOU can enjoy with YOUR friends or by yourself. And then go do them (with friends or alone).
Finding a way for you to NOT depend on HIM to ALWAYS be around you and entertain you is a GOOD thing.
Do not be "THAT BITCH" that drops plans with her friends for her man. Because that's the one that gets dropped by friends eventually. If you have plans with friends, find another day to make plans with your BF. As you said, HE doesn't drop HIS plans with HIS friends for you, SO why should you do that for him? It doesn't make you a better partner. It makes your priorities seem less important and they ARE NOT. He will get used to ALWAYS go do what HE wants and YOU just have to drop whatever you want for him. No. That will make you resent him. BE HIS EQUAL. Not subservient to HIS needs and wants.
He can still be your #1. But he shouldn't ALWAYS be your #1 - sometimes YOU should be your #1. I bet you... HE is his own #1 from time to time too. And THAT is good. If you two at some point have kids the priorities will shift again. That is life.
Find a balance. He seems to overall be a REALLY good guy for you. Give him space to BE who he is (which is a guy with friends) and for YOU to be who YOU are (a woman with friends too). The guy you initially fell in love with is not some guy who doesn't have a life or friends? Right? And YOU were not some need chick whose whole world revolves ONLY around her BF, right? He fell for the woman who has friends, who is social, and who isn't jealous and selfish. Right?
Or you will find that over time YOU are no longer the woman HE fell for. You become needy, clingy, and unhappy.
And then he will want to spend even MORe time away from you. Which in turn will make you even more upset.
Be OK with having some time to yourself, with friends or alone. Have hobbies.
I say this as someone who has been married for almost 25 years.
...............................
|
