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I feel like I am not pure enough for my husband?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 February 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

First of all can I say This is my friends account but I am really a female!

Hello Eveyone I feel like I did my husband wrong. Im the only he has ever had sex with. I am the only person he has ever loved and same goes for me as he is the only person I have ever loved. Im going to cut out all the details but I thought my husband was promiscuous before we got married and he stopped talking to me because I thought I was too "soft" for him.

He was my first kiss I loved him, i assumed at the time he was not a virgin because a lot of girls at the time were taking to him. Everyone told me that you have no chance with him. I felt like if I got him jealous and showed him that I wasnt soft any more that he would give me a chance. I never had drunk before, smoked, still a virgin havent done anything sexual besides kiss my husband.

I started to live more I smoked marijuana a few times. Never drank and there was this random guy from school who thought I was real cute. I got with him. One night we engaged in sex and I told him to stop after a minute or so. I went home cried and called my future husband and told him what had happened. Even though we had not talked in over 2 months. He still made me feel better and told me that its nothing Im fine.

A few weeks later we hooked up. Since then we have been together and he has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. One night ony birthdy he told me that I was his one and only and that broke my heart. Everything could of been so smooth but instead it wasn't. He gets mad at himself because he stopped talking to me in the first place. If he never had, then none of the other stuff would have happened.

I feel like I am not pure enough for my husband. But he says that any guy would be lucky enough to have me. I have never cheated on him flirted with another man we are both loyal to one another. What can I do to stop feeling like that I am not good enough for him? thank you.

View related questions: drunk, engaged, flirt, jealous, still a virgin

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011):

Life is not perfect...we are not perfect...Stop dwelling on this issue before it leads you into making more mistakes...Appreciate the love which you both share as a blessing...Life is unfair and we do not always get what we deserve...Some people like to see this a a 'reward' for good behaviour system but sometimes it works in our favour ..we get more than we derserve..That is why words like MERCY and FORGIVENESS exist..We sometimes get a second chance whether or not we have earned it...We are human and we all make mistakes....Forgive yourself and cherish this opportunity to love ...Do you know that he could have married someone who was 'pure' and the relationship would fail regardless??....She may not have loved or cared for him as much as you do...If he had to chose, he would rather be with someone who truly loves him and has made mistakes than someone who is 'pure' and does not really love him...Remember MEN DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH US BECAUSE WE ARE PERFECT...I heard this from a relationship author called MIMI Turner....You are probably more perfect for him than you could ever know...Let the past go and move on...Dont expect yourself to be perfect..Learn how to handle your mistakes cos you are human and we do make mistakes..Use this for the future too..know you are not perfect and by the way neither is he..He must have his own faults,maybe not just the same type of faults.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (6 February 2011):

person12345 agony auntYour worth and value has nothing to do with the number of sexual partners you've had. There is no physical difference between a virgin and a non-virgin except that your hymen is broken, and even in a virgin it can break earlier. The concept of sexual purity is utter nonsense. You are the same person, and having a penis in you doesn't change a thing. Your future husband says he doesn't care, so you should believe him.

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