A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My husband moved out 4 days ago with no warning.. he asks to see our sons and be part of their lives so far no problem.Thing is when he left he told me that although he had slept with someone else it was just a once in a while over the past year.. now he tells me he has been seeing her for throughout our marriage and that he loves her and is moving in with her and her children who live nearly 100 miles away.He wants to have them stay with him.. at her home but when I told him it was too soon he had a go at me saying how unfair I was being. I told him he could visit them here or his parent's home at any time.While I admit that he has the right and should see his sons, I think it is far too soon to introduce her and for them to accept daddy sharing a bed with someone who as far as they are aware he has just met.Am i being unfair? I want to be reasonable not vindictive but I take my son's feelings first. He has not yet told them he is moving.
View related questions:
moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mother2be  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 I don't believe that is unfair at all! You have no idea (and neither does he) if this woman is going to be in their lives for a good long while. I believe he needs to be reminded that this is about the kids not you and not him. Would he want a strange man in their lives four days after you separate? He is an adult and he can find a compromise so that he can see his children.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Children are very sensitive and do not expose them to too much to soon.
I am dealing with a similar situation, but fortunately for me, he is coming back and wants to reconcile. I have empathy with you and your kids. Be strong and try to focus on what is best for you and our kids. As some of the others have suggested, get legal advice a.s.a.p.
Your husband behavior reminds me of a quote by Simone de Beauvior: " In the face of an obstacle which is impossible to overcome, stubbornness is stupid".
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): He should be the one to break the news to your children. You don't say how old they are, but if they are old enough could they be asked how they feel about meeting the woman he is with.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Dear Poster
Thanks for the update. Taking the ages of your children in consideration, I confirm what I said in my previous posting; no ways; they are to young for all this so quick and so sudden; this is very traumatic for children and the best will be to try and do it as gradually as possible.
Try to speak to your husband as suggested otherwise do not hesitate to get the help of a professional.
I have empathy with you for going through all of this; it is sad and not easy, but try to focus on what is best for you and your children; do get legal advise on your situation to and do not allow him to bully you or to traumatize you or children any more then what you are dealing with already.
Always remember we are here for you.
Do take good care of yourself too;
Best wishes and keep us posted.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry Boys are 6yrs and 9yrs
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Dear Poster
I understand what you are saying and I fully agree with you. I don't know the ages of your children and that will have a influence too, but I most definitely think the kids should first get use to the idea that you are separated; then be introduced to her as a friend and then as daddy's new partner; if all this is very traumatic for children and if not handled properly can have very negative influence on them; there school work there behavior etc.
I suggest you speak to your husband in a very calm manner explaining this to him, but if he does not want to be reasonable about it; consult a counselor or social worker and ask them to deal with your husband in this regard.
Do not fight with him or argue about it; if he cannot understand and do what is best for the children( within reason) do get outside help;
I do know this must be difficult on you too; my thoughts are with you; remember we are here for you if ever you need to talk.
Best wishes and take good care of yourself and your kids.
Keep us posted. Lots of hugs and smiles.
...............................
A
female
reader, Petina +, writes (23 November 2008):
 It sounds a bit too soon to introduce his new partner to your child. He needs to get your son used to him not living in your house first because that could be traumatic in its self when daddy just suddenly isnt there doing normal things., then over time introduce the other woman. These things aren't easy for the child and if it's not handled sensitively can cause them heartache for the rest of their lives. I'm sorry for your troubles. One thing in your childs favour is that the father still wants contact, but it has to be done with minimum harm and that would mean you and him finding the best solution for him. I hope this helps.
...............................
|
