A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have kind of a complicated situation...So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now, and he has been in love with his female friend for a very long time. They knew one another in elementary school, and were rather close. They never dated, but his feelings only grew deeper with time. She never wanted to be with him, though, and he was okay with just being friends with her, despite his feelings.I found out about his feelings about 8 months into the relationship, and I tried to be okay with it. We were, and are still, very much in love, and I did my best to handle it. I was very upset though, and he knew that it made me insecure and sad whenever she visited him/us. I hated knowing how he felt about her, especially when she was around.A couple months ago, he told me that he had decided that he did not want to continue being friends with her, because it was hurting me. We had not fought about it, and I had never asked him or implied that he should let her go. I was certainly upset by it, but I did my best to be understanding, and it wasn't a constant thing. Mostly right before/after she came around.So now they aren't friends and haven't spoken for the last couple of months. It's nice that she hasn't been around, and I haven't had to worry about his feelings for her lately, but now I have terrible guilt! He gave up a very long-lasting friendship for me, even though I didn't ask. Should I feel bad about this?
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 November 2012):
 Don't feel bad at all. HE did it because he cares about you. YOU did not ask. That's a great thing. HE did it anyway and that's even better. And to be honest he probably did it because it was clear to him that he had no chance of ever being anything other than friends and that it was painful for him. HE may have ended the friendship with her eventually anyway.
I have given up some friends I was friends with because my husband had asked me to. I did it willingly but sometimes i get mad at him for asking... even though he's ok that i have contact with them now and again we are not as close as we were. and it's sad.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 November 2012):
 I dont think you should feel bad at all, I actually think he took a very mature and sensible decision. Keeping her in his life only prolongs his feelings and never allows him to get over her, so perhaps he has realised that his future is with you, not her, and harboring feelings is only going to be detrimental for your relationship.
Being in love with 2 people at the same time is not healthy and not sustainable, perhaps he has just realised this and knows it is time to move on.
I think this is a very good thing that has happened and you can move forward with your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2012): Don't feel bad I think he gave up the friendship as much for himself as you. He may be trying to get over her. Or he could have felt uncomfortable whenever you were upset over her so he's giving her up so he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable anymore. Either way its his choice.
I think he did the right thing. If there's no way she would have ever dated him it makes no sense for him to continually put himself in a situation where he 's thinking about her especially if he's supposed to be in a relationship with someone else.
...............................
|
