A
male
age
,
*unset724
writes:My wife and I have been drifting apart after 22 years of marriage. We don't spend much time together as our jobs are in different shifts. She works from 9AM to 3PM and I work from 3PM to 10PM. She never initiate love making with me and I am the one who does. She doesn't hug or kiss me anymore unless I start it. I feel that she does not love me anymore but is only staying with me because of our 2 children(one is 21 years old and the other is 17). Knowing that our marriage is drifting apart, I started meeting my wife for lunch everyday so we can spend some time together. She seems like she enjoyed it at first and then asked me not to meet her everyday. She said to me that she needed alone time for herself. Now her lunch hour is only 45 minutes and basically that 45 minutes was the only alone time that we both have together alone. I did agree with her but I did not follow through with her request. There are also 2 incidents when she had a lunch party with her coworkers and ask me to stay away. I asked her if I can come by just to say hello and then I would leave (so I can see her). Her answer was that this will make her feel uneasy and she also said no to this. This hurted me alot because I feel as if she did not want me there. Its as if I was the only one trying to make our marriage work. I also got the feeling that the only reason she did not want me there is because she might be meeting someone else for lunch (a guy). She explained to me that she needed alone time to relax and I then told her that from 3:00 to 6:00 everyday she can have her alone time since I am at work. She then rebutted me that she wants her alone time during her lunch hour(I feel this is unreasonable). We had a big arguement over this and we almost got a divorce. She eventially calm down and we both made up though she did not adnit that she did anything wrong nor did she say sorry for how much she hurted me. I did apologize to her. Now she is on summer vacation(she works for the public schools). She can have all the alone time she wants from 1:30 to 10:30 five days a week and out of the blues she said she needed some alone time this morning. She told me this last night because she had to go to the furniture store today to change an order and assumed that I was going to go with her. I never said I was going with her and this made me suspicious. Is as if she had something planned and wanted me out of the way. I told myself I was being stupid in suspecting that she might be cheating on me so I just let it go. I decided to trust her. Well, yesterday also, we had planned to have a quickie love session today. She agree to it last night. So when she got home at noon, she looked tired and went to bed. I then asked her again if we can have a quickie and she said okay. Well she just laid there as I took her clothes off. When I put my finger in her vagina, she said to me that it hurts. Every other time when I did this to her, she enjoyed it. That's when I got suspicious that she might have just fooled around on me while she was out this morning. The only other time that it hurted her vagina was 2 years ago when she also went out by herself one day wanting alone time and then came home and I initiated sex. Is my fear reasonable or am I over worrying for nothing?
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female
reader, mourninggirl +, writes (30 July 2008):
First of all, how old is she? If she is menopausal, then there *are* conditions which would cause vaginal pain.
That said, don't assume she's cheating if you have no convincing evidence. Keep your eyes open, however.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 July 2008):
There is obviously something going on here as she is not happy. It may not be an affair but it's something.
The fact that you are asking in advance and booking a quickie with her just shows how routine your sex life has become.
I really think you need to sit her down and tell her you can see how unhappy she is in the marriage and want to know what you can do to make her happy again.
There are all kinds of options like counselling but why not just go for a long weekend away somewhere so you can really talk and have some fun for a change.
Good Luck!! xx
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