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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Should I be bothered that I've noticed my boyfriend has liked a picture of his ex on Facebook. She is 30 years old so 13 years younger than me and when I saw he had liked her with a 30th birthday balloon in feel angry and upset
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again for the last two posts. I have heard from him and he has said he is sorry, he accepts he hurt me and maintains he simply liked her picture with no thought to what she looked like. I have said i am sorry for the things i said in anger (i know i said things which were way out of order). I have said i am willing to accept his explanation and let it go on this occasion but of course he knows how i feel and hopefully this wont happen again if we try and move past it.
To the last poster, i totally agree with you about Facebook, it is the root of modern day evil, these days we see if someone has moved on and who with and it is easy to see who loved ones have had a past with, a great cooking pot for insecurities!!
But as you have said if he loves you as mine says he does me then all we can do is trust unless it is proven to be any different. I think mine liking his exes picture is hurtful and disrespectful but now i have calmed down i can see it is not a sign of him cheating.
Thank you all again, everyone's opinion has helped :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2017): I think that your relationship is salvageable if only you come down off your pedestal.
I am playing the devil's advocate here. You need to hear this side of the story. I am trying to help you see the other side. It is up to you if you agree with what I have to say and ultimately what you do is your choice.
I think your BF has not taken your calls and pulled away because he may feel hurt that you do not trust him. It hurts very deeply when our partner does not trust us. It hurts to be fired at from all barrels by the one we love most. We feel overwhelmed and stunned. And hurt. We just don't know what to do because you have painted us into a corner. So, my guess is he is trying to process what just happened and cool off. He does not want any more confrontation or resentment from you. He has retreated to safety for the time being. And that's okay.
So, he liked a pic. Big deal. Yeah, it's a big boobed, blonde ex. So what? He only liked a picture! THAT IS IT. He did not ask her out. He did not post kissy faces on it etc. He LOVES YOU and even if he only has eyes for you, it does not mean he will never notice other attractive women. It is a normal, natural human instinct to notice others. EVEN IF you are in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. There is noting we can do about that. I think your expectations are a bit unreasonable. I would hate it too OP if my BF did that BUT I could forgive him if he did it once. Maybe he was just being complimentary like he said. Why don't you believe him? Has he done something else for you not to trust him? Some guys are just stupid and plain oblivious when they do something like that and don't realize how it would affect their GF. Does not mean any bad intentions or he's a player in the making. Pattern behaviours is what you need to look for. So, once can be given a pass but if you saw it happening over and over again, then it would be reasonable of you to terminate the relationship. Because it would be blatant disrespect on his part to do this to you over and over again, knowing how you feel.
I think you are feeling bad about the fact you are not able to have a child and she was and terminated. Please do not RUIN your relationship because of a woman in your BF's past. She is an EX! For a reason! Their relationship FAILED. So, leave her in the past where she belongs. You cannot change that he was with her. You cannot change their history. So, stop resenting it. It just was. Let it go. She is not in your lives now. Likely she has also moved on with her life. You are creating stories in your own head and imposing your own thoughts onto your boyfriend. You are imagining a doomsday scenario and even though that may be the farthest thing from the truth, you have convinced yourself that it IS the truth! Do you see that? Your own thoughts are own your worst enemy. You are allowing them to consume you and twisting them into full blown betrayal.
I am sorry you cannot have children but life goes on. You and your BF have a good relationship. Can you not let it be? Enjoy what you have? Good relationships are hard to come by these days. If you ruin it with your insecurities and jealousy, it will be by your own choice. Sometimes in life we must be open to compromise, forgiveness and we must be resilient to work things through instead of asking a partner to see your way or take the highway. You might need to think about letting go of some of your rigidness.
So, how much do you love him? Can you forgive him for this? Can you call him up and ask to speak to him and have a heart to heart talk? Tell him all about your insecurities, and your vulnerabilities? Be very open and honest about why he hurt you? He will likely tell you he is very sorry, that he understands, and want to make you feel safe again.
Just another way of looking at it, OP.
I hate Facebook with a passion. I hate the fact my boyfriend has all these women at his fingertips. Many are useless acquaintances thru work circles. And there really is no real reason to be connected to all these people. Except to cause drama and trouble. When he changes a profile pic, I hate that some of them like it or comment that he is looking good etc. I know it is probably harmless but it rips me up inside whenever I see it. The apps that are available nowadays, like Snapchat and Tinder, have never made cheating easier. Like a kid in a candy store. I hate it with a passion. And I have so many fights with my BF over Facebook. I ask him why is he on it so many times? Why is he on it at 1 in the morning? Who is he talking to? I will never know. He tells me he is watching videos and sending family birthday wishes. I guess I just have to believe him. And make the decision to trust him. Or not. My choice. Just remember. HE MAY ACTUALLY BE TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. Ever thought of that? That maybe, just maybe, he made a stupid mistake?
Women in general are more possessive of men because we know that men are looks and youth oriented. And we tend to worry that no matter how much they may love us, they will always be tempted by younger, bigger titted, more attractive models. Especially if we are insecure about ourselves. You are no different than most women. Women, on the other hand, are not as looks/youth driven. We don't mind an older man or a man who is intelligent and charming, or a guy who makes us laugh. We see other qualities and tend to stick with them. Sadly, men are easily led by their dicks. Forever a cross to bear for ALL women til the end of time.
So, your choice whether you love him enough to forgive him and give him a second chance. Or not. Men have done far worse things to merit being broken up with.
OKAY, now I am PISSED. I see my BF active on FACEBOOK! AGAIN! THIRD TIME TODAY. Seems like 3 times too many for a guy who says he is NEVER on it!
I feel your pain sister!
I, too, have contemplated leaving him for similar reasons. It is just so hard after 4 years. :(
Good luck.
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male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (28 August 2017):
 I AM SORRY IT HAS GONE THIS FAR. and he is now sulking but I think it is never too late to back down, you're not having a boxing match and the winner takes all.
if she is the one that got away she is gone and not coming back into his life, and he did say it is you he loved,
Get a bottle of wine go over and make up,
as for making babies it is not imposable unless you can't
one woman I know have their first at your age and went on to have 5 all are now in their 40s,
even after every war people can make up, if the love is stronger you can do it
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the last reply anon, it was very insightful to get a man's point of view on it. I am older than him yes, by six years and this woman is 14 years younger than me. Having shown the picture in question to other people they have said despite this i am more attractive. What i struggle with is she aborted his baby and he said she was the one that 'got away'. I can't have children now as 44 at the end of the month and clearly she could so yes it has brought out my insecurities.
It is too late with me and him. I said too many nasty things and told him i would not be with him if he still liked that picture, so quite simply i cannot back down and he is now ignoring my messages anyhow.
I am gutted, he meant the world to me but i simply saw this as a betrayal and it went again his words of telling me he only had eyes for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): I think you have nailed this topic in your latest follow up and I know it is hard for you to understand how he can say he likes you and at the same time like someone else,
But your guy explained it very well and it would be a very bad thing to do now to unlike her pic,
What is it in us humans that makes us think it is ok to hurt others in the act of showing our loved ones we love them, It would be over reacting to take the advice of the anonymous aunt to unlike her photo and then UNFRIEND and then go on and have no more contact with her EVER.
why should I cut myself off from the world if you feel insecure in your relationship, to the container it is good that he can feel he can be nice to others, it is what is missing from life today is the giving a little love, sometimes that is just a smile to the homeless person on the street as we pass, it does not subject that I want to jump into bed with that person. We can't all go around with big sour faces on us all the time like as if we have something against the world.
You feel insecure, where is this coming from? are you older than him? have you put on weight? are you the type person that needs to be told every day many times that you're everything to him? is this insecure feeling coming from him or is it coming from deep with in yourself? are you fighting the aging process?
first of all, we men take a lot of crap in being told we don't see the real person when we go out looking for a mate, That we just look for good looks or big breasts or nowadays big behind, but when a man loves you unconditionally he gets all this unfair treatment.
when I found my GF she was not the Barbie doll type that was portrayed as the ideal type woman, and to make matters worse her GF was throwing her self at me and she was a looker, she had it all but was bold something I did not want in a woman,
You see you are your BFs all in one, he loves you as you are, you have just the right dose of lady with the right dose of slut and the right dose of everything like the ingredients to make a cake, Take out one and the cake is not as good, You can get some cakes that look good but are not and you can get some cakes that you are better off not knowing what ingredients are in them, we are all cakes and we all like different cakes but it does not stop us from liking the look of other cakes, in the same way, if we go into a cake shop we are not going to go around and take a bite out of every cake in the shop.
you might think she is better looking than you, but she has not got what it takes to keep the man that you have got, SO DON'T DRIVE HIM AWAY FROM YOU. There is more to life than a nice young face and a good pair of breasts,
my GF when I found her was flat chest many men had as much and today at 50 she has a full A cup but she is my slut, my bitch, wrapped up with an air of royalty that I am happy to keep her and proud in the knowledge that many fellows would be happy to have her at his side.
talk with your guy and help him to help you get over your insecurities, I am sorry for making this post as long as a book but I think you're important but I still love my WOMAN.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): Tell him to UNLIKE the pic, UNFRIEND her and have no more contact with her EVER.
Will he do that for you?
If he really loves you like he says, he will do it.
Otherwise, it is your decision what to do next.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said it was her birthday, he simply liked the picture to acknowledge it. He said what she looks like in it had nothing to do with liking the picture. He said he can see why i am upset, he said he is sorry, he thinks i am beautiful and he loves me. But he has not un-liked the picture so unless he does as far as i am concerned it is over
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2017): You are so right, OP.
He acted like a total ass.
I would be upset too.
You have a right to your feelings.
If it is a deal breaker for you, then put him on notice. If he ever does it again or continues contact, you are done.
A guy who only has eyes for you does NOT do that sort of thing. And if he CARES about you at all, he will STOP and cut contact with this EX bimbo!
I am all for a second chance to right the wrong, but after that, if it is done again, all bets are off.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2017): I just read your comment OP. Too right! Hes feeding her ego. Go by your instincts!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen you are 44 years old and you see your partner has liked a woman's picture who he has a past with and she is blonde with her tits pushed up you are going to be a little bit piddled off. Especially since he tells me he only has eyes for me, if that's the case why like an ex girlfriends picture! !!!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (26 August 2017):
Grow up or you'll end up pushing him away. You want a man who can be friends with an ex it's a sign of maturity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2017): I'd be angry too.
And I would make sure he knew it.
He was wrong for doing that.
An action may seem harmless on the surface but what is the intention behind the action? That is what you need to look at.
I would have him unfriend her if he wants our relationship to continue.
I know everybody says you can't control someone and must trust a partner but he is the one who liked her picture. You are just responding to his hurtful action and putting an end to it escalating further.
I doubt he would like it if you liked your ex boyfriend's pic on Facebook!
If he does things behind your back, not much you can do.
But you can tell him what you want him to do to make up for his mistake and see how far he is willing to go.
Then you will know how to proceed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2017): I'm a big believer in being direct . I'd simply ask him ' I noticed you liked x picture . What was it you liked about it ?'
When he explains it's the big boobs and bleached hair explain that your looking for more than a superficial guy and one who judges women on appearance then move on to someone who's after a more mature woman and values women on more than looks
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male
reader, judgedick +, writes (26 August 2017):
you don't trust what he says and you don't want to be with someone like him. is what you said in your follow up and looks like you have more trust issues than him just liking a photo on Facebook,
if you have lost trust in him it is just a matter of time until one of you brakes up
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male
reader, judgedick +, writes (26 August 2017):
he liking her photo on Facebook is nothing more than if he met her in a doorway and said hello, I don't have exes and don't have Facebook but think most likes on facebook are just out of minimum courtesies and people receiving them should not read too much into them they are worth as much as the roses people send on the internet they cost nothing and mean as much as they cost, same goes for others counting the likes people get, truth is if she is his ex he liked some things about her to be attracted to her in the first place, but would not have her back today as he now knows her other side that you can't see on her Facebook photo he is with you that is worth more than getting a simple like on a photo for your birthday, don't go and destroy what you have got by letting the little green monster into your livesI am a big believer in deleting your Facebook account if you find yourself flicking your loved ones, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST FACEBOOK just it was never ment for that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2017): By liking her pucture he is keeping himself current in her life. A little bit of attention seeking and not aporopriate. Tell him you dint like it and then he knows how you feel
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat annoys me is we had a discussion about him having exes on Facebook before and he said he doesn't even look at her stuff. Yet there she is, blonde chesty woman with her 30th birthday balloon and he likes it. He told me he only has eyes for me so why would he like her picture? I have come to the conclusion not just based on this that I don't trust what he says and I don't want to be with someone like him.
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (26 August 2017):
 You can feel angry and uspset but I'm not sure where it gets you. You can of course always express your feelings in a non-abusive way and see if he understands your displeasure. You will know how to proceed from there.
BUT don't get heated about it. It isn't worth it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2017): Is she on his fb friends list ? When did they break up? How long have you been together and how long were they together? Were they serious? Do you have rules around such things as this and ex's? Does he know how you feel about such things? Does he make you feel insecure normally?
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