A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and this guy had been talking for 6 months online (I'm english, he is german) we eventually meet up and we end up sleeping together. Big BIG mistake. We were on different wave lengths in regards to what was happening, I thought we were going to get together, he obviously just wanted sex.We were still in contact emailing each other (not as often, but still talking). After we done the deed, he stopped sugar coating things, that it was fun between two adults who are attracted to each other.Anyway, he is coming back to the uk in 3 weeks, and somehow we are arranged to hook up again.Its crazy, I KNOW what the score is, I KNOW he only wants sex from me. And yet I KNOW I'm going to have sex with him because I like him and miss him.Why am I such a fool to do this to myself? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 June 2012):
 Eh, it happens. We all make mistakes. He is one of your mistakes.
If you really don't just want to be a shag, then cancel the "hook up" and tell him something came up you can't make it. And then cut the contact.
He will NOT realize that your "lady parts" are golden and he want to be in a relationship. He already stated that ALL he wants is SEX and maybe a little chat.
So make up your mind.. Casual sex or no sex and no contact.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): "Why am I such a fool to do this to myself?"
Who knows OP? Why do obese people keep stuffing their face? Why do heroin addicts keep putting that needle in their arm?
People do all sorts of stupid crap because they're weak.
OP if you're going to keep doing this then please stop moaning about it. What use is moaning if you're not going to do what's best for you?
Would you sit there and watch a morbidly obese person eat 15 burgers all the while complaining that they wish they were thin?
No, you'd tell them to either put the burger down or shut up and just get on with it. You don't get a right to complain when it's you hurting yourself, you know what you should do, so either do it or don't, but stop moaning about it being a mistake because obviously it's not that big a mistake if you're willing to keep being his fuck puppet.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (27 June 2012):
"And somehow we arranged to hook up again."
What you really mean is - "I fully know the score, what he is after, and what the final result will be, yet 100% upon my own free will agreed to let it happen again."
You said you feel like a fool. Considering the above, you may be right on point.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 You like him
You miss him
The sex is fun
But you want more right?
He’s not going to give you more.. it’s always going to be just about sex… if that’ s NOT ok then you need to tell him that you can’t do this and cancel the next meeting… and like KC said…delete him and move on
It will hurt and you will always wonder and think “maybe if we had sex a few more times he would have changed”… but you know that’s not going to happen..
You are not a fool… you just are ever hopeful and young and inexperienced…
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Because you are young, because you are female, because you like him and hope that by sleeping with him more he will eventually fall in love with you and want you to be together.
You are one of millions of women that do this, and I bet if you ask any woman she will have done something similar at some point in her life. But as you get older you quickly learn to recognise a man that only wants sex, so you never sleep with them in the first place. Put this down as a learning experience, you have learnt a lesson the hard way and hopefully when this guy is out of your life you will never sleep with someone so quickly again.
That is the golden rule - NEVER sleep with a guy early in the relationship, aim to wait a month before you get in bed with him. That will rule out all of the guys who just want sex, and leave you with the guys who want to be with you.
But as I said earlier, you are very young and when you are young you make mistakes. Many girls believe deep down that if you have a sex with a guy it will make him like you more, and it takes age and a lot of growing up to realise that the more you have casual sex with a guy the more he sees you as a bit of easy fun, and will never consider you to be a girlfriend.
What you need to do now is a bit of a challenge - cancel your hook up with him, delete his phone number, delete him off facebook etc and never speak to him. Yes you miss him and want to see him, hence why you have agreed to the hook up - but think how much worse you will feel after you have sex with him again. It is going to be such empty, horrible sex knowing that you are sleeping with a guy who doesnt have any feelings for you and only wants you for sex. You are going to feel a hundred times worse after you hook up with him compared to how you feel now, so you really should cancel the hook up.
Yes it will hurt, yes you will feel sad and miserable for a while - but you will get over it and you will move on. Whereas if you hook up again you are only prolonging your pain and making it worse - so look long term here and realise that the longer he is in your life, the more you are going to fall for him and the more pain you will experience. Cutting him out of your life now will save a lot of pain in the future, so be brave and get rid of him now and never contact him again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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