A
female
age
30-35,
*onties
writes:I lived in Singapore for 2 years and ready to move to the States for college. Before I left, I prayed hard that I would taste what real relationship is because I have never really been in one. I only had flings.I was a virgin until I met this bunch of US military guys that's having a duty in Singapore. I went home with one of them and eventually lost my virginity to one of them. He promised it won't be a one-night-stand. But it eventually did. However, his friend is kind of interested on my friend thus I am still in touch with them.I went to their house the next day and he was not there. I was waiting for him until I met a guy higher ranked than him. We talked a lot and maybe because of the alcohol, we eventually had sex. I was ready to leave it as a one night stand but this guy (just say his name is Jose) said he would really love to see me again.That's what I've always wanted. Someone who not only want me for a night. I met him the next day and we went on a date. We see each other pretty much every day and he gave me his house key on the 4th day. I found out that I was in love with him. However, his friends told me that he is a bad news. I don't see the point where they have rights to say that as he doesn't really socialize with them.Later I found out that he was married with a son. The first night we were together, he said he was divorced and he admitted that he has a son. However, being so in love I chose to trust him blindly and just continue what we have.I finally told him that I fell for him and to my surprise he did too. I asked him repeatedly for assurance and he looked at me in the eyes saying that his feelings for me were VERY real. I am really in love with him and my life eversince I met him basically revolves around him. He left yesterday back to his base and he kept saying that he loves me and will never forget me. He didn't know that I knew that he was married.According to my friends, he will not contact me anymore and somehow I have a feeling that he won't. However, he promised. He gave me his t-shirt and his watch. I gave him an engraved chain with '2 short 2 sweet' on it. Do you think he will keep it?He seems happy with his wife but his feelings for me seem real too. I don't know what I should do now. I don't want to ruin other people's marriage. However, I really can't move on. When he left, he took my soul away.
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divorce, lost my virginity, military, move on, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (29 December 2009):
 It is in your best interest to look upon your time with him fondly, cherish the memories, and start moving on with your life. He's your first great love, and for that reason he will always be special, but he is not the last man you will love. He helped you at a time when you needed help, but you don't need him to guide you through life. He probably never will forget you, but he has a wife and a child that are his priority. Let him go on with his life and you go on with yours.
It doesn't sound like you hate him, so there's no reason to involve his wife in all of this.
A
female
reader, monties +, writes (25 December 2009):
monties is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthing is i dont want him to hate me. i don't need him to be my lover, like we used to be, but i want him to stay in touch with me because he was the one that helped me out with a lot of insecurities matter in my life. he was the one that told me i shouldn't be so naive, i should be more street smart, and built up my confidence.
i know i need him to guide me through. and i want him to stay in touch with me for that. i dont need more.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 December 2009):
I'm afraid he's using you, and nothing more. You have to move on, because even if you told his wife, he'd just dump you anyway. Men say a lot of things to get sex, and they do a lot of things. You have to move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): He lied, he got what he wanted, you got.... well.... nothing except pain. The good news is all he did was cause you pain, your soul is still with you. You need to work through the pain and get on with life. There is nothing you can do to cause him to all of a sudden realize that you are the one and that he needs to give up his wife, child and comfortable life in the US and bring you over.For your sake, and you own ability to heal (and NOT for his sake) you need to forgive him and then yourself. I my experience, (and I know that this sounds weird) pray for the person that hurt you each night. I was told that with in 30 nights you will no longer harbor the hate. It only took me a week or so, and I felt better. The person who hurt me was unaffected, but who cares. I was released of the pain.He's likely a jerk, used you for comfort, entertainment and sex- and probably had feelings for you. However, the reality is that his feelings for you were over when he got back into his homeland. As long as there have been soldiers in foreign lands this has been happening. Be happy you don't have one or more of his children.If you want to make his Christmas, call his wife- tell her who you are... she'll never forget!
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A
female
reader, monties +, writes (24 December 2009):
monties is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear mr anonymous,
are you sure i should tell his wife? can i talk to you about this? it will be very much appreciated
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009): this guy sounds no good for you. he is cheating on his wife and on top of that he lied to you about being married in the first place. what you should do is contact his wife and let her know everything that has happened. that is what he deserves (aside from a swift kick to the nether regions.) he is a liar, a cheater, and as you said he "stole your soul" so that makes him a thief. 3 of the worst things in the world. people like this never change and they can be very deceiving. you are young and obviously intelligent. forget about that jerk and get out and find REAL LOVE with someone who treats you like royalty. that's how it should be and you shouldn't settle for any less. good luck.
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