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female
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anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I need as much advice as I can get please! Basically, ages ago I wrote about a stupid thing I did (met a boy on the internet, fell in love but I was using pics of some random gorgeous girl instead of myself) I deceived him and went to unbelievable lengths to convince this boy i was someone else - i even made about 30 fake profiles of the girls friends so i could leave comments to "my" profile and make him think it was real. Seriously, it was insane behaviour. My only defense is I was crazy about him and willing to do anything to have him in my life in any way i could regardless of how stupid and selfish and cruel it was. I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm a good person really i promise.We talked for about a year, he begged me to meet him, told me he loved me and wanted to marry me, we stopped speaking for a couple of weeks and during that time he got a "real life" girlfriend but he broke up with her so he could get back with me and concentrate on starting something with me. I know i'm a bitch, the girl got so hurt and I was playing mind games with everyone.Anyway, about a year after we met he found out I was lying and he called me sad and a loser and said he never wanted to talk to me, he ignored every email or text I sent and was so angry uderstandably. Everyone found out what I'd done - him, his friends, my family... everyone. That was about 18 months ago and recently I got in touch with him again via email to apologise for what I did and to tell him I still love him and think about him everyday.I suppose enough time has passed that he's calmed down and forgiven me (probably helped by the fact that he had a serious relationship during that time so i'm like the ex-ex girlfriend now and there is distance) because he got back in touch saying he doesnt hate me and never could, he loved what we had and thought about me every now and then and when I asked if he thought maybe one day we could be friends he replied saying "we are always friends hunny xxx"He's working in Europe just now and my friend is getting married in June - in the same city he is working in. I told him this and he said "if you come over here, get in touch with me and we can hook up :) "So my problem is I'm not sure if I should get in touch and meet him admitting what I did or if I should go over there and meet him as a completely "new" person and not let him know it was me who was deceiving him. He doesnt know my real name or what I look like but if I go over there like "hi it was me who hurt you and lied to you about absolutely EVERYTHING for a year" then if he decides its too much, i'll lose him for good forever because I cant ever go back and meet him as a completely new person coming into his life.This boy is incredible, as you can tell he is the most understanding beautiful person i've ever known and I literally prayed every single night for 2.5 years that I can have him in my life again. I know this sounds cheesy but I really do believe my spirituality is the reason we're at the place we're at now and why i have this tiny window of opportunity to have everything i've ever wanted. Don't laugh but I sincerely believe its an answer to my prayers. I don't want to mess everything up like I did last time but I feel like if i make one wrong move here i'm gonna fall on my face again and lose it all all over again.Any suggestions?Thanks so much for readingxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): omg seriously?
i understand that you may not be happy with the way you look! hey im not the best looking thing on the planet either! but you know what... i pull it off! i know that even the most beautiful people walking the face of this earth have their own flaws that they worry about! no one walking the face of this earth is perfect!
this guy seems like he is just trying to pacify you with words of a friendship. but really and truly... he is IN LOVE with some one else... thus the reason for his wedding! HELLO!
My advice is to let him be. It really does sound like you are merely obsessed with him. It sounds like you are in love with the idea of you guys being together, but it does not sound like its gonna happen. Count your blessings. Love yourself, and love will find you one day!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsappygirl - i agree with you and that is kind of my point. You're kind of just repeating my question but in different words. I dont think I would be able to speak to anyone who did something like what I did which is the reason for my question. I dont know if its a good idea to meet him admitting what I did because how could anyone want to know someone who did something like that? So thats why I was wondering if it would be better to start fresh and let him know the REAL me (ie the good person with a beautiful heart who wouldnt hurt a fly rather than the crazy blinded by love moron who acted like a completely different - and not very nice - person) How could he ever trust me or believe a word I say if he knew it was me who did that to him?
But anyway i'm done with the lies. I cocked up. It was me who hurt him and I'm an adult, i'm taking full responsibility for what I did and facing it like an adult. I deserve any punishment that comes my way and if he wants nothing to do with me, he has that right. He has the right to know who is in his life and to choose the people he wants there and to not be deceived into having people in his life who he wouldnt want in it if he really knew who they were. He's better than that.
He did say he wants me to contact him so we can hook up (in the british sense, not the american sense of hooking up) which is testamony to how amazing and special this man is.
I'm not obsessed with him, Im in love with him. And my feelings for him are not infatuation / lust. Not after all this time. I know him and I love him. I cant speak for how real his feelings for me were (depends on if he had feelings for the pictures he was looking at or the person he spoke to on the phone every night for hours). But I do love him and I want nothing but good things and happiness in his life.
So I guess i'm just gonna keep praying on it and leave it in the hands of something a whole lot bigger and better than me to decide what happens next.
Thanks for taking time out of your day to help a stranger everyone
xxxxx
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female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (22 January 2009):
 I've seen some of the ugliest girl snag the hottest guys out there. When it comes down to it, it's all about who you are on the inside and if you are confident in who you are. You made yourself believe that you are not good enough for this guy and created a girl who you think he would love. Well he fell for your plan but the problem is, it all fake. It's not real. The love you have for him is not real, every interaction and words are all lies.
Personally, I think you are obsessed with this guy. It's not love, it's pure lust/infatuation...and by your actions you are determine to have him in your life no matter what it takes and who get hurt.
Can you take a step back and just observe what you are doing? You say you are a good person, but a good person probably couldn't sleep at night going through with this shananagans. I'm not saying your BAD..because I can't judge..but you're actions are bad, hurtful, decieveful, and plain cruel & mean. You are acting so selfish and only thinking of your needs, not anybody else.
So if you want any chance with this guy. You need to be honest with him and let the chips fall where they may.
If he wants to have a friendship with you, then you can start new and fresh and be yourself. Show him the great qualities in you. If he wants to end it.
You have to accept it and move on. You can't make someone else love you. and if they don't ..there's nothing that you can do about it.
If a guy did this to me, I would be so angry, hurt betrayed. Wasting a year out of my life on someone that wasn't real. I honestly don't understand how people can do this to another person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh i also meant to add, i'm working through my issues and i LOVE who i am on the inside (is that too arrogant to say outloud?) but i dont like who i am on the outside at all so i'm not sure if i'm going to meet him. I love him but he is really really gorgeous. He's a model and everyone loves him cos he's as beautiful on the outside as he is on the inside ie wayyyyyy out of my league lol. i would be embarrassed to meet him cos on a scale of 1 to 10, he's a definite 10 (an 11 on a good day) an i'm about a 3 or a 4 on a really good day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys, you're absolutely right - I need to be honest. its the very least he deserves because he is incredible and deserves decent people in his life.
I know its wrong that I thought about lying to him AGAIN but I guess i'm just embarrassed about what I did (i made up some outrageous and disgusting lies) and I just cant understand why anyone would want that person in their lives so I guess i'm finding it hard to believe he would want anything to do with me after what I did so it feels safer to pretend it wasnt me who did it.
But he deserves so much more than that. Thanks everyone, especially Lauryn I loved your answer so thank you xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): even although u lied.. i think it's so sweet the way u talk about him. i would start a fresh with him, say to him, hey can we start from scratch.. My names.. whatever.. and this is the real me.. send him ur pic. if it's meant to be it will happen at some point. good luck, let us know how it goes!! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): Hey there,
Honesty is the very best policy here. You meet him and you tell him everything. He has forgiven the person you were before, why would you want to run back into that thing again - pretending to be someone completely new? He LOVED that girl who lied about everything, he said so. So if you meet him as someone else he would still be thinking of that girl he loved but never got the chance to meet. Think if you got married, your entire relationship would be a scam the same as before. He needs to know the truth. Dont you think you owe him it? If he is so wonderful he would love you as you are. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. He will feel that same spirituality as you do. Why do you hate yourself so much that you constantly want to be someone else? Meet him and be honest. You can't hide forever, especially if you want to make something of it with him.
Let us know how you get on!
Lauren
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): You need some mental consoling before you get into any relationship first off. Your not thinking clearly.
Your still questioning the weather or not you should lie again! Have you learned nothing about the hurt feelings you caused?
Be yourself and show him what you really look like on a cam or send him a photo in the mail and go from there, Then let him know were you will be staying wile at the wedding and if you wants to meet you he will let you know by showing up.....DO NOT LIE AGAIN.
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