A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I use to be pretty close with one of my guy friends, (I think it's now safe to call him that) I cared for him alot, but for reasons beyond my control I was never able to actually be with him. He was off doing his own thing (with other girls) and I was getting ready for college. It was all too much so we parted ways (my decision not his).A month ago (after 3yrs) we got back in contact and for a while all was not well. I assumed that me coming back into his life complicated alot for him . . he had to put his past behind him . . somehow I managed to ''sneak'' back in.It was horrible . . a full month of sending pics, texting, talking on the phone, (I know, sounds good) but after a while he started asking why I left his life in the first place, and why I came back.He would talk to me one day and ignore me the next and the next, and so on. He told me how he used to ''kinda'' like me . . and I told him in all honesty that I use to love him, I did., but me being just 18 didn't help and me feeling like I may have had to compete with other girls didn't help one bit. I loved him enough to leave for me and him (so I thought) I didn't want to be in the way . . and I always assumed that if he didn't say anything I couldn't have been that special. On top of this all we had hooked up 3 times. All last month he ranted and raved (in a joking manner) how I had just left . . and how he would have never done that. And he kept asking why I was back . . he kept saying something about not wanting to be a ''booty call'' which was odd because I always felt that way about me. Fast forward to yesterday we were texting back and forth (on Thursday he works from 8am to 1:00am) and I brought up something a lady had told me as a joke about sleeping with someone to see if your really over them. He asked me if that's what I wanted, I was shocked . .and he told me he knew I wasn't over him, (guess the texting and calling gave that away ??) but he asked when we could make it happen ??? Huh if he felt that I still had feelings for him why sleep with me?? Isn't that asking for complications to arise?? I don't want to make a mistake i'm sure this isn't a great way to start a ''new friendship '' would this be dumb on both our parts or just mine?? I don't want to be hurt again .. I know this is the best way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe havent had sex since getting back in contact. 3yrs ago we hooked up 3 diffrent times . . .
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): Not saying that youre going to end up pregnant if you do but yes things would just get complicated for you I dont know about him I know the guy Im talking about seems to be fine Im the one thats more emotionally attached to him after having sex with him i think all he wanted was sex even though he said otherwise.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 May 2008):
 I'm afraid I don't understand your post. I will try to summarize it.
You had this male friend who always had girls by his side. You loved him, but thought you weren't important to him, and also you were afraid to compete with many other girls. So you decided to leave for somewhere else.
So far, I understand that you were FRIENDS. No talk of love or anything but friendship. There seems to have been an attraction and it does seem like both of you were aware of that.
Then, three years later, you met, and you started exchanging pictures, text messages, e-mail messages, bla bla bla. You're FRIENDS who happened to be together again. At some point, however, he begins to complain that you left him, like a boyfriend would do. And you also start behaving like he had the right to speak in this way. He tells you he doesn't want to be a booty call, and you say you felt like you were that for him.
I don't know when or why you blurred the difference between being friend and being boyfriend and girlfriend. But it did happen sometime.
I don't understand one question. You wonder why he would ask you to sleep with him "if he felt that [you] still had feelings for him". Sorry; I think guys don't ask girls to sleep with them when they know they don't like them.
It seems like you wonder whether sleeping with him would complicate your "new friendship".
However, I think we should draw a line somewhere. Friends don't usually sleep with each other. In my books, you don't sleep with them at all; when or if you do, they become something else. Am I wrong, or you think that you could sleep with him, knowing HE does seem to have feelings for you, and then continue "a friendship"?
You need to define what you are to each other and what you expect from each other. If you want a friendship, tell the man, because you have given him an entirely different message. If you want sex, then don't say you just want a friendship.
I'm afraid I didn't understand your post correctly. If I didn't, would you please explain?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): This sounds just like a guy i know and love I know exactly what youre going through dont have sex with him Im saying this because I did that with the guy that I like and I believe that if things werent complicated then they sure are now Ive expressed myself to him on more than one occasion and he did the same thing we've been up and down for 3 very long years we talk every once in awhile cause he also has a tight schedule. And now i might be having his baby.
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