A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Music is something I love more than anything else in the world. I haven't given up my dream of being a professional musician, but right now I am feeling so discouraged that I'm beginning to wonder if I'm crazy for not having given up.I'm feeling bad about myself because so few people in my life have discouraged me and I'm starting to feel like it's because I suck. Nearly every time I've dated someone, that guy has stomped all over my guitar playing. Instead of wanting to hear me play, he would always try to pull me away from the music. I know that external approval isn't everything, but if I have any talent, why didn't the guys I date encourage me?My parents never, EVER nagged at me to practice. In fact, my mother had to nag me to STOP! My father did provide a nice guitar for me, but now my parents are divorced, and I barely see him, let alone play for him, anymore.My mother blatantly discourages me from playing. She never asks me to play for her, she just tells me to "stop making noise." Things like this break my heart because I don't want to be a kid making noise. I want to be a real musician. I feel like she's telling me, in so many words, that I suck.I'm heartbroken because I don't want to give up my dream. When I was in high school, a lot of my friends praised me and said, "I hear you rip," and "you'll be on VH1 someday." My music teacher was going to recommend me for Berklee college (the music school in Boston). Then, my family and I moved to another state and my life turned upside down overnight. People stopped taking me seriously as a guitar player, and no one seemed to appreciate me or care. When I was in college, I studied abroad in another country and I met people who encouraged me. I had a friend who said I was a "hell of a guitar player," and I had a really close friend who appreciated and encouraged my guitar playing. I played with a band and he always went out of his way to come see every performance of mine, and never missed a chance to praise me. I fell in love with him for this reason, he has a girlfriend now and she is his whole world, and although I've moved on, I have yet to get over him. Although that's another story, the reason I'll never love anyone else like I love him is because the one thing I want in a boyfriend, above all else, is someone who appreciates my guitar playing and takes me seriously.I've poured my heart into this for years, and my own mother doesn't want to hear me play the guitar. I'm feeling confused because people in my past praised my abilities, I practiced and poured my heart into the music, and I'm wondering why nothing good has happened. If I truly have musical talent, why doesn't anyone seem to encourage me? How do I deal with the frustration of having no natural ability, but all this desire? I don't have it in me to give up, but I am so frustrated. I can't remember how many times I've cried over this. I want it to work out so badly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): If you know that music performance is what you want to do, DO NO GIVE IT UP! I have been blessed with talent and natural ability as a vocalist, and chose to study music in college. However, I absolutely despised it! I still love music, but I hate the constant pressure to perform well. Music was an enjoyable outlet for me, and it was turned into a dreaded form of work during college. No matter how depressed and frustrated I was while studying music in college, everyone pressured me to continue because I was "so gifted." They told me it would be a "waste of talent" for me NOT to pursue this career in music. The bottom line is that I have a lot of natural talent, but absolutely no desire to make music my life. I certainly plan to continue to perform informally for the rest of my life. But if you know that you want this, it might get discouraging, but you have to do what will make you happy! Perhaps consider music education, where the emphasis on performance isn't AS great. Good luck in whatever you do...may God help you achieve what you desire, and grant me the wisdom to know what I want to study!
A
female
reader, aprilfools  +, writes (9 August 2009):
 Man, I feel the same exact way...Music is my heart!It's my life!I'm a singer and I've been singing ever since I was three years old.I used to wake my mom up in the mornings because I would be in my room singing.People think I'm a great singer but I'm a rocker.Don't get me wrong, alot of people enjoy my music...I can do different types of rock; alternative(not a favorite though), grunge, metal(I even scream/growl)...My only problem is that so many guys underetimate female vocalists in the rock field.I've had so many bands talk about using me as thier lead singer but they always end up finding a guy instead and never give me a chance.I know I'm young and my life is just beginning (I just graduated high school)but I want this so bad!It's part of me.Like if I had to make a choice to either be blind or be deaf I'd go blind because if I were deaf I wouldn't be able to hear music and music is so beautiful.Idk I just feel like we're sort of in the same boat...When I read your question I started crying because I have the same drive and passion for music as you seem to have.I just had to agree with you...I hope everything turns out awesome for you.I know the pain of feeling like you're losing.It always seems like it will never happen for me.No offense to anyone but if I had a normal job like to be a doctor or a dentist or something, I'd be miserble.I'd wake up and go work at the same office all day every day. That's not for me. I respect everyone who does have a nice sturdy carreer because atleast you know where you're going with your life.Musicians, on the other hand, never know, and that's a scary and painful thing.I'm attending college soon so that I'll have a fallback (which everyone should do), but I hope that I'll never have to use it. I feel like I'm making myself sound like a shallow jerk... Anyway, my point about the whole carreer and lifestyle thing is that I don't want a normal life like that. I don't want to do the same thing everyday. I don't want to be in the same place everyday. I come from a home that isn't really even a home. My dad is never there and even when he is he stays in his room all day/night. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything, and when he does he never takes me with him.I just sit at home with nothing to do. I can't get out of there myself because I don't have a license (I'm 18 and I know that's rediculous but he's never taught me how and my fiancee can't teach me because he isn't 21 and here you have to atleast be 21...).So I'm just tired of a boring life.I want to seee the world, meet people, see different faces, play music that touches people and makes them feel what I'm feeling through deep lyrics...I know exactly how you feel, ma'am...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I understand where you are coming from, you have had importantt people in your life invalidate you and that is hurtful, I agree.
However, that is really a shortcoming on their part, not yours, it is their issues, their character, their jealousy and insecurity that cause them to do that, not your lack of talent.
Now, you may really suck, I don't know, but I really doubt it. Generally people love what they are good at doing. And I can see that you are serious about your music.
A couple of suggestions for you. Perhaps you need a teacher or a coach to help you improve your craft. I think even though you know how to play, you can always learn something from others, plus it would give you the reinforcement and encouragement you seek. Also, play at your church or get together a band, you will be doing something with your music to get you to your goal of being a professional (meaning you earn your living by playing guitar).
I also heard something last night that was inspiring to me and I hope you will think so as well.
There is a Chinese plant called bamboo, that for the first five years after it is planted never grows higher than a few inches off of the ground. During those five years that single plant is growing a massive root system that spreads out under the earth...it is building on something small to make something big later on and it doesn't complain or feel dissatisfied for doing the small things, it is faithful to it's task and does it's best to lay it's foundation for other things. After five years, the bamboo plant suddenly sprouts many more plants and can reach heights of 80 feet. It took the plant five years to reach it's heights.
If you are a spiritual person, then what you are doing is proving that you can be faithful, that you do your best at being small no matter if you think it is beneath you or you have bigger things in your heart. Because these small things are preparing you for the something big that is going to happen in your life down the road, it will build character, skill and persistence that you will need when you come into your "five year plan" just like the bamboo. God did not give you a talent not to have you never realize your dream. But you have to prove your are faithful in the small things to get your there. Now that is an interesting way of putting things, but it is true in life. Failing is not a roadblock to success, never trying is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): Each person has a series of flavors they are accustomed to. You, your mom, your friends, strangers, neighbors, colleagues - all have their own preferences. Your mom may be asking you to stop, but that's exactly like a person asking another person to stop playing his or her rock music, his or her folk music, his or her dance music. Different people has different tastes and different perspectives on music. What may not be acceptable to her, does not mean it is not acceptable to others.
I love pulp in my orange juice, but I know many others who do not.
However, desire does not always equate to talent. One person may have skill in something they do, but it does not always mean that person has the talent. This is apparent in music, in design, in art and in sports. Mind you, this also does not mean you should not pursue your dreams. It just means you have to work harder.
The thing is, know your abilities, understand what you are willing to do about it and then proceed as you feel for it. Know that gaining maturity in anything means being challenged and being challenged means allowing the instances of 'failure'. No wisdom can be gained if there is no room for failure. However, know that no further wisdom can be had if you don't pick yourself up when you're down.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (19 July 2009):
 I'm a singer & a musician and I can tell you simply to just: follow your heart! If it follows music, then do music. You won't be truly happy or fulfilled until you do it anyway! God gave you a gift for a reason, it may not be for your mother or other people to like, you can't please everybody anyway:), but there are people out in the world, even in your city that will appreciate your talent...so do it! Follow your heart!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): You are over 30, get over what your mom has to say about the noise you make. As far as YOU are concerned your practicing for your career and MAKING beautiful rhythms that relax your mind and quiet your soul.
Why don't you take up a gig in a new band? Get over your previous idol and meet a new one. There are tons of us out there and they have musical interest and keen hearts for women who love music.
You have it in you to perform so get out there and do it and leave your doubts in the past.
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A
female
reader, Felisha Marie +, writes (19 July 2009):
 No matter what, you cant let anybody else discourage you. It's when you get to discouraging yourself is where th problem is. If music is where your heart is, then follow it, believing in not only yourself but your musical abilities. You cant accomplish anything successfully without having heart and soul behind it. Prove them wrong and become bigger then life...or at least their belief in you ;)
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