A
female
age
36-40,
*estinybound
writes:I'm 23, and my boyfriend is as well. We have been together for two years, and do not live together. Recently, I've been beginning to feel like our relationship is kind of at a stand still, like my boyfriend keeps putting the breaks on. He's a good boyfriend for the most part (everyone has their issues), but it just seems like things just won't progress further. We got in a fight yesterday and ended up working it out today, and eventually it led to me asking him if he saw me in his future, at all. He posed it to me this way: he is considering joining the marines, and I would move to where he would be stationed; but if my job were to move me, he isn't sure he would go with me. He said he just guarantee when he will be ready to settle down at all, whether it's in five years or longer. He said he loves me and he absolutely doesn't want to lose me, but if I need a definitive answer he can't give me that. Obviously, I was crushed. Now I'm so unsure of what to do. I love him so much and we make such a good couple, but I don't want to be the "good enough for now" girl. But we're still so young, I mean we still have 7 years until 30 for goodness sakes. I'm just so confused as to what to do. Please, any advice at all?
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (6 August 2013):
 I agree with the anonymous female...from my own experience, when a man is ready to settle down (get married), it usually happens within the first few months of getting to know each other. However, it does not guarantee that the marriage will last. I've experienced other relationships where there were more intense and authentic emotions. These relationships did not lead to marriage, but were somehow more rewarding than the relationship that led to marriage...but this is just my personal experience.
I think what he's trying to tell you is that he is not ready to get married right now. It's not that you are the right person or not, it's about where he is in his life. He wants to develop his career and get to know himself a little better, and he wants to experience life a bit more. I do believe that he does love you, and is hopeful that the relationship will last until he is emotionally and financially ready for a marriage. However, you have to figure out if waiting for him is right for you.
I'll tell you this though...whatever you decide for yourself is OK. Listen to your gut. Do what feels right for you. He is doing what feels right to him right now, and it does not involve getting married. When you make your decision, make sure it is one based on what feels right. Don't make any rash decisions because of feelings of anger or regret or revenge or wanting to emotionally blackmail or punish him. Make your decision based on what feels right and peaceful to you.
Life is a funny thing. Sometimes people come together for a certain period of time, then go their separate ways, and then reconnect later on (as lovers / partners or as good friends), or not at all. Somehow it all works out in the end...and yes, I'm speaking from experience:)
A
female
reader, destinybound +, writes (6 August 2013):
destinybound is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo no no, I'm not saying propose. I'm not ready to get married myself. Honestly, I just wanted some kind of confirmation that, indeed, at some point in the future, he could see things going further. I most certainly don't expect a ring to pop up on my finger any time soon, that's unrealistic for this stage of our relationship. Thank you both for answering. :)
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 August 2013):
 If I assume you mean he won't propose by saying things won't progress. and he's a good enough boyfriend. Then, I see trouble in the future. You cannot pressure some guy into wedlock knowing he's in the good enough catagory and expect a happy life together. You think he doesn't feel his lot in life? No wonder he's not "progressing". I don't see a future for you two
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): I only have my personal experience to go off of here, but my boyfriend knew that he wanted to settle down with me probably within the first few months that we were together. Granted, he was older than 23 (I was only 20!), but if the commitment is there, it will show. Don't dump him over this, but don't have your heart set on things working out with him either. I'm definitely not condoning that you go out & cheat on him, but if you meet someone else, it might not be the worst thing to break up & move on.
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