A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:the story behind this is fairly long and extensive so i'll save everyone most of the details on the whole thing, but basically me and this girl had feelings for each for almost 3 years. during which time we both dated other people and tried not to act like it bothered us, up until about idk 5 months ago i think when me and her began seeing each other. everything was perfect and it was probably the happiest ive ever been, seeing as shes one of the few peope that truely know me. but over time things became worse and we got into fights all the time, she used to dump me every friday for about a month. she even dumped me on my grad night but the thing is we both stil loved each other very much and wanted to make it work even though we fought a lot.so the day before her bday she went with some friends to an amusement park and ended up kissing a guy she was hanging with because he liked her. she told me immediatly about it so i forgave her because in my eyes if someones honest to me i cant ever get mad at them. the next day was her bday and me not being 18 i couldnt come to the club, but the guy that kissed her did and her and him ended up making out and i didnt find out about it for 2 weeks. when me and her got in an argument and she told me that to spite me after this my world kinda shattered because someone that i trusted a lot betrayed me and i find it very hard to trust people because of abandonment issues with my parents, something she knew but did anyways. After this all i wanted to do was get her outta my life but she told me how guilty she felt and me being the person i am i forgave her. things were fine for a while until one night we went to a party and she got too drunk, fought with me then went and passed out upstairs and i ended up hooking up with her friend who was there. after this everything kinda went to hell even more then it had and basically she spent the next 3 months leading me on to think that me and her could still work out while she was off screwing other guys, just to end with her telling me that im incapable of commitment and id sleep with any girl. i told her that i could go a year without any sexual contact whether or not she chooses to be with me, since then i have had 5 oppurtunitys to sleep with girls and every time ive turned them down partially because im just not that interested in random sex and also because i want to prove to not only her but myself that i am a committed person and that i am capable of staying true to what i say. basically what im asking is it weird that im doing this? im not doing it so i can try and win her back because ive realized how badly she treated me and id never want that again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Well at least you have proved to yourself that you can control yourself when you want, and this will come in useful in the future if you do find someone you want to commit to.
It sounds like it was very destructive what you had/hadn't with this girl, so well done for getting out of it.
Maybe while you are single you could give some thought to what you want from a relationship, and what you are prepared to give, so that you are clearer next time. And if really what you want is a 1:1, just say so and have it out in the open.
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