A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I made out with a friend of mine and now I don't know where we stand. To give a clear picture, I am a 29-year-old woman who mostly has male friends. I always prefer men's company and my four best friends are all men. I am actually going on holiday with the four of them in about a month, as I have done many times in the past. We've been friends since we were children and nothing sexual had ever happened with any of them before, because I always saw them as friends and wanted to keep them as such. But about ten days ago I went abroad with one of them, as we've done before just the two of us, only this time some sort of atmosphere developed and we made out. I didn't have sex with him, even though he wanted to, because making out seemed already too much out of the ordinary at the time and I didn't want to get more confused. But I enjoyed it a lot and have been thinking since that he and I could actually be together. We get along great and, since I discovered I am sexually attracted to him, I really don't see why not. Problem is, I don't understand what he wants. Ever since we got back, he has made no attempt to meet me privately. He arranged for the whole group to go out, which was weird and awkward for both of us as the others know nothing about it. We did meet in private afterwards, made out some more and talked about it and now I am more confused as to what he wants.He told me he has had a desire for me for years but I always rejected him (this is only his impression, I really had no clue about this), that he loves me very much and is afraid of losing our friendship (he has never told me he loved me before, even as a friend, why now all of a sudden?), that he doesn't know if a few erotic moments can count more than years of friendship (which he should have thought about before doing anything!) and that 90% of relationships fail! He also made sure of mentioning things he knows about my previous relationships as reasons why he may have doubts about this, which hurt me a lot as I could have done the same to him only I didn't, and of reminding me that it was me who didn't want to have sex that night! Overall one huge mess and the upcoming holiday is scaring the hell out of me. I want this to turn into a relationship and if it doesn't, then to try and forget the whole thing. The last thing I want is a fuck buddy and I fear the doubts he claims to have only mean he just wanted sex. What do I do?
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male
reader, koler  +, writes (23 June 2008):
I agree with Pepper27. This guys sounds like he is very much in love with you. The trouble is that I don't think you feel the same way about him, or at least are not ready to enter into a serious relationship like he has intentions for. You may be attracted to him, but probably not to the same extent as he is. He is too good a friend to you at this point for you to risk it. Trouble is you are in a catch 22 situation. He will always want something more than friendship from you. You need to talk things through with him, and let him know how you truly feel. He will open up and tell you how he really feels about you. Good luck, this is a tough one ...
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Hi Hun
It sounds like he really cares about you alot, He is scared of loosing you as he said alot of relationships end so he is thinking negative because he wants you but the friendship is important to him and he is confused as to what to do..He has liked you for many years by the sounds of things love and has kept it all to himself why he thought you had rejected him all these years maybe because he may have done a little flirting and you brushed it off as to you then he was just your mate..Ive got male friends and one always flirts when we go out but we both no its in a joking way we love each other but not in a relationship way..So mabe he has tryed to let you no and you've just gone ah it just in fun..Thats what he means by rejection, He cant go on your past relationships every relationship is different we are different people so not one relationship will be like another..I would talk with him and tell him what you have said here. You would like to have a relationship not just a fuck buddy as you care about him but have a really good talk and tell him that either way you need to no how things would stand as its very confusing and messy at this moment not knowing really what he wants and from what you have said he wants you and has for along time..Sort this out love before you go away and if says he cant do a relationship then you wont want the friendship to suffer it may take time to get back to normal but you cant be having any sexual moments once its all sorted if its not what he wants as then your back at square one..So sweetheart you really need a good chat to get this all sorted I hope this has helped what a mucking fuddle eh!!!!! I hope thing work out for you hunny WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 June 2008):
To be honest the potential for this to get extremely messy and mess up not only your friendship but the entire group's, is pretty high.
I think for the sake of harmony and your sanity you should just act like it never happened and move on. If he is happy to do this then it proves he's not really as "in love" with you as he claims, or he'd put some effort in while he had the chance.
Good Luck!! xx
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