| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I met someone from online in PERSON who lives about 3 hours away.We both seem to like each other and have been in contact everyday now whether it's through text or phone conversations. He already said he wants us to be boyfriend/girlfriend the second time I saw himHe came to see me in the city the first time and i visited him one weekend. The thing is-he has a 5 year old daughter. He had a rough childhood so i can see he is doing everything that wasn't done for him. He has her most nights too compared to the ex. He even said he would love to move somewhere else one day but feels stuck because of his daughter. And it made me think--would you even be willing to move an hour and a half away? The area he is in right now isn't the greatest and doesn't seem to have any job opportunity. I am trying to remain open minded that maybe i could atleast live an hour or so outside the city if i met someone and commute but if he has to live in that area for his daughter who is only 5, I don't see how this could ever work long term for me :( i don't want to be close minded. I am also questioning am I sort of getting a little bit desperate to choose to date someone who has a kid, lives far away, baggage, the ex etc?He is a good guy and I haven't met anyone in a few years where it even lasted this long with constant contact, no games it seems, affectionate etcI am thinking ahead because I don't want to get hurt or waste too much time. I am 27 and will be 28 soon; it seems harder and harder to date. Should I bring this up and ask him or maybe wait until we see each other a couple more times?feeling sad but i guess i need to think like this for the future :(
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): I don't believe women should get into relationships with men who already have small kids from a previous relationship, for reasons like this. Baggage, ex will always be in the picture, and his kid will always be a priority over you. Basically, men like this shouldn't be in new relationships until the kids are grown, is my opinion, because any new relationship is going to be unfair to the new gf as the kid will always come first. You can't develop a relationship if the other person is already "married" to someone else, in this case, to his kids.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): As his child must come first, I would say that it is unlikely he can move, his child's needs have to be his first priority, and she needs both her parents close.
If you can't handle the baggage, and the fact that you will have to sacrifice because he can't due to his daughter's needs. Then it's best you figure this out as soon as possible, for your sake so you don't waste more time, but also for his sake because it will only hurt him more the longer you leave it.
Good Luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I wouldn't even mention him moving his daughter away from the mother. His child benefits from seeing BOTH parents regularly. I would think it would be you who would move closer considering his child's happiness being his first priority. Many custody agreements have a domicile restriction when both parents share custody.
I would think you would need to see him frequently, more than here and there, in order to consider a relationship, much less a move. Doesn't sound like that's an option.
...............................
|
