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I don't love my husband and I'm in the marriage because of our children

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2016)
A female Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have come to the conclusion that I have to stay in my marriage for the sake of the kids.

I know, it's a cliche, but it's the responsible thing to do.

My husband has done things to me that I feel are deal breakers, and most other women would agree without a second thought. Not out of malice, he is just a mostly good, flawed person, like all of us. But our 'how we met' story is one of my worst memories because it's also, privately, the story of how he ruined my life at the time. And I got pregnant, so I tried to do what I thought was best, and that's how w ended up married.

He is my best friend and a loving father to our children.

I love him as a friend, but I don't have romantic feelings for him. I never have.

I don't know how to fix this. He loves me, the problem is mine. I don't know how to make myself love him the way that I should. I need to because that's what the kids deserve.

I want to be responsible and do the right thing but I also want to be angry about losing the life I could have had. I guess it's silly to be angry about losing something that never existed.

View related questions: best friend

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou use some strong words, like he has done things that are deal breakers and that he ruined your life? It might help you to talk to someone about these feelings, there are people out there who will help you.

It was a mistake on your part marrying him just because you where pregnant. Children can sense when there is something wrong, and they will look at your marriage and learn that is the way it is meant to be. If you do not love your husband then he deserves the right to know how you feel. He deserves the chance to find someone who loves him back and you deserve to find someone who you will love. The children can still have a happy upbringing even if you are both separated as long as you both don't use the children as weapons.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (29 March 2016):

chigirl agony auntYou would benefit from talking about these feelings in therapy. You have built up anger and resentment. Therapy is excellent at treating those feelings! It'll feel like a weight has been lifted off from your shoulders, believe me. Try it!

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A female reader, Mayah Playah United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

Mayah Playah agony auntMarriage is a delicate thing. It takes much more than love to make it succeed, and the fact that you consider your husband to be your best friend is a very good thing. That being said, love is still important. It depends on how old your children are, but coming from a child of two failed marriages, I can tell you that kids can sense their parent's unhappiness. We stand outside the marriage, watching and taking notes. It's your marriage that will influence the ones we eventually will enter into.

You deserve happiness, even if that means being selfish. If your husband really loves you, he'll understand. You were probably very young when you got pregnant and got married. Because of that, you never really got to be young and stupid, and it's possible that that's why you harbor such resentment for your situation. Be smart, be kind, and tell him the truth. Wouldn't you want to know if your positions were reversed?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016):

In my opinion we live only once and there is absolutely no reason why we should live that life miserably. You have done the right thing for the sake of the baby by marrying him after the pregnancy and that was that. you should have sat and told him your feelings after the birth of the baby and asked him for is not too late even now. Sit and talk to him and ask for divorce.Because waiting years in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children to grow, by then your life will be gone and you would be too old to start anew.This is my opinion,I am sure there are others who think otherwise.

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