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My stretch marks seem to be a huge problem for the men that I date

Tagged as: Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2016)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I came out of a 3 year relationship almost 2 years ago and for the past year I have been dating again.

It's kind of personal to talk about but I am someone with very sensitive skin, and my breasts grew very fast when I was young and because of this I got pretty bad stretch marks on them.

I also have them on my upper thighs and hip region but they aren't as bad. Now I never went through a big weight gain or weight loss, never been pregnant, but I do have these marks.

I have had 2 guys have an issue with my stretch marks. I have been asked by many on 'why' I have them and what caused them if I've never been pregnant.

From there on, I have been up front with any men I've been dating about them and have had a serious talk with them as if I had a major disease and had to discuss it up front.

I've still had a few guys ask me 'why' I have them and 'don't only pregnant woman get those?" And have even been told it's a turn off and a deal breaker by a couple of men. It's been pretty upsetting for me for the most part.

I had always though stretch marks were common and not a big deal, but I've noticed since I've been dating that some men seem to have a problem with them or act like they aren't normal.

Am I being too sensitive over this? My boyfriend never had an issue with them, and told me he loved me for me not my scars. I guess not everyone has this mindset

View related questions: breasts, stretch marks

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntA LOT of people have this notion that their partner needs to be "perfect" (they don't obviously, because they know better).

Stretch marks are not just for pregnant women. It happens when people mature or grow faster or gain weight for whatever reason. It's also partly genetic, some have more elastic skin than others, unfortunately yours isn't as elastic. And that is that.

Bio oil works really well and a daily regiment of cocoa butter as well.

I have the "luck" of a more elastic skin. Have had 3 kids I have no noticeable stretch marks. My oldest daughter and my husband BOTH have stretch marks. My daughter, like you developed fast and got some stretch marks which she hates. And my husband went from being very lean teen to a more "buff" build and he gained not only muscles and weight, but also stretch marks. It suck for my daughter to have inherited HIS skin type, but such is life. I got her some bio oil (which also helps fade scars) and they do look a lot lighter. Thankfully she has the attitude that she really don't give a fly's fart. I hope she will keep that as she gets older.

My advice to you is this, KEEP telling new dates about it and that way you can WEED out the ignorant, shallow and no good guys.

While I get that it hurts to be told that some guys can't handle it, it's almost a benefit too. Think about it. How would you feel if a guy said OH I don't mind and then spend months dating you and pointing out how "gross" they are?

And by the way, they are NOT gross. They are part of you and your body.

So SCREW what SOME dumb guys think. Use it instead to weed out the ones that isn't WORTHY of you. USE it as a silver lining.

*chin up*

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2016):

That's ridiculous. Its their problem, not yours. I agree, there's no reason to bring it up, because they are not a defect. I mean, really, are the men who date you treating you like a product for sale and the expect you to disclose all "flaws"? Like a used car or something?

Seriously. Don't treat yourself that way. You deserve better. You are not a product to be appraised based on how well you conform to someone else's idea of feminine beauty.

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A female reader, wrathykins United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

wrathykins agony auntWow, the guys that have had an issue with this are real jerks!!

Anyone that has a problem with them is someone that you shouldn't want in your life anyway.

One thing I wouldn't do with a potential boyfriend is bring them up straight away. You're sending a message of "I hate this about myself, so it's ok for you to hate it too"

I can't believe they have actually said to you it's a turn off. What awful, spiteful men!

You need to learn to accept these marks on your body, and don't give anyone the opportunity to make you feel bad about them.

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A female reader, Mayah Playah United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

Mayah Playah agony auntAs much as I'd like to just say "men are pigs" and submit, that's not the case. The truth of the matter is that some guys are just too shallow to understand that stretch marks are versatile when it comes to their sudden appearance. I have them on my stomach from sudden weight gain as a child, and more on my breasts from their quick growth, although my thighs, which grew at the same rate, remain smooth and scar-less. There are no definite rules with stretch marks, and a lot of people don't know that.

You aren't being too sensitive, by the way. You're right in picking up on these men being jerks about your marks. Just remember, what makes you beautiful is your flaws, the very things that make you unique. If they can't see that, then they don't deserve to see your tiger stripes. Be fierce, and if they can't handle that, then forget them.

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