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Boyfriend ghosted and I'm trying to move on, but always anxious and unhappy with life.

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 March 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2016)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of three months ghosted on me one and a half months ago. We had an amazing relationship and I was shocked to the core. I feel that it's been more than enough time to get over him but he's always still fresh on my mind. I've given up wondering why he just disappeared and cut off context without explanation. I've accepted that I've dodged a bullet with someone with this kind of character. But he somehow always creeps into my thoughts, like a ghost following me around.

A couple weeks ago I decided I would stop focusing on a dead relationship and go out. I attended events, met many wonderful new friends, and caught up with and confided in old friends and family. I felt much happier for the most part. Except when I wake up and before I fall asleep... His face always haunts me. I have dreams about him coming back and apologizing or calling me out of the blue. But I know it will never happen. I feel like trying to move forward has put me into a withdrawal.

I feel so weak. I tell myself this man was an exception and the next one won't do this. But im having a hard time trusting people and am extremely anxious. I'm extroverted and happy when going out meeting people. But the next day if I have nothing to do, I become extremely anxious and sometimes even cry. I almost feel irrational, that I allow this man to control my feelings. What do I do?

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A female reader, wrathykins United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

wrathykins agony auntWell you are certainly on the right path to forgetting about him by going out and keeping yourself busy! Keep that going and eventually you'll feel ok!

It's very difficult to move on from a relationship if you haven't had an explanation why it ended, because you don't have that closure. But he probably would have given you some "It's not working, I don't feel the same" rubbish that they always say. He didn't care about you as much as you thought he did, and the way he handled it is awful. Remind yourself of how he's made you feel, and any feelings of love will turn to resentment. That WILL help.

It takes time to be ok again. Don't give yourself a time limit on this, take each day at a time. Not every man is going to do this to you, keep the hope that one day you'll find someone that will fall head over heels for you, because one day it WILL happen.

Delete and block his number, and any accounts of his on social media. It'll help you stop wondering if he'll ever contact you again, because even if he decided to, he can't. It'll also give you a sense of 'I'm done, you messed up by losing me'

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A female reader, Mayah Playah United Kingdom +, writes (28 March 2016):

Mayah Playah agony auntOkay, first of all, what a jerk! People who ghost are such boneheads. I mean, do they think that their victims will suddenly forget that they exist? God.

Second, you aren't being irrational. We all have walls that we build, some lower than others, but they are still built. Every now and then, we find someone that we allow through those walls.

We tell them our secrets, our hopes, our dreams, and expect them to understand how special they are to be where they are, to know what they know.

Sometimes, however, they take that information and run, leaving us to pick up the rubble from all those walls they knocked down. It's hard, it really is, and a month and a half isn't going to cut it. Right now, you're in mourning for your relationship.

You never really got to say goodbye, so you have all these loose ends in your head and your heart. It isn't fair. So take a whole day to scream, cry, let it all out. Take all that pain that you've been trying to cope with and let yourself acknowledge it. Let yourself hurt. But when that day's over, stand up, dust yourself off, and keep on moving. Don't let that control you.

He was a jerk, and you deserve better. Don't let yourself forget how strong you really are.

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