A
female
age
30-35,
*ilverVintage
writes:Hello, I am an 18 year old female and I dont like the thought of sex, at all. I think its repulsive and gross. I am still a virgin and perfectly okay with it. I dont see how its can be enjoyable or pleasurable for anyone. I have not been brainwashed by society, porn, religion or anything else and Im not asexual. I just dont see the need for it. Yes, I know its used to procreate and all that jazz, but I dont want kids so I wont be doing it. Everyone keeps saying its supposed to be a special bond between a man and woman and you should do it with someone you love, but once again, its not something I think I'd enjoy. How is getting poked in the vagina by a blood filled stick enjoyable? Ive been a single straight girl my entire life but that doesnt mean Im afraid of it or anything like that.
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porn, still a virgin, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): This is marie claire again, i'm on another computer and didn't want to log in here. It's not that hard for me to understand personally, i have a very low sex drive so not being interested in sex is not a stretch for me. but for a lot of people sex is a huge driving force in life and it's everywhere in life so of course they find it hard to understand. it's like not liking music. some people don't like music but they are so few and far between that people are really surprised when they find out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): I was reading the answers to this question and I just wanted to say to Gardenlover, I feel the exact same way about pregnancy! I'm glad to hear there are other women out there like me.
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A
female
reader, GardenLover +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Perhaps this whole issues has less to do with sex than it seems? I have no idea of course, but I find it interesting that your screen name is antique-sounding and your mom took you to a therapist for an immaturity theory... just saying that you are only 18. You are developmentally on track by thinking about this sort of thing at this time in your life. I would say don't worry what other people think unless you are actively pursuing a relationship with that person. Also, don't build resistance to it just because you feel it's what the world demands of you or something like that. For myself, I'm 30 and think my friends with children are commendable, however, I hate the idea of pregnancy. It's gross, medical stuff is demeaning, ruins the body, etc. Yet, the world tells me I'm wrong for feeling this way. I guess I'm saying, there are other ways to live besides mainstream, but I don't think there has to be any guilt in doing the mainstream thing if it fits later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Do you ever feel horny? If you are not asexual then you must have a very low sex drive. I am also a virgin and most times I am not horny and then the idea of sex seems quite repulsive to me. But at times, depending on my monthly cycle I guess, I can get very horny and then I feel differently about sex.
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A
male
reader, Will 77 +, writes (26 July 2011):
Just be true to yourself. Maybe you'll meet someone someday who you'll find irresistible. Just deal with it honestly, and please don't close your mind to the possibility. 18 is young. You've got a lot of living to do with that life.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (26 July 2011):
 My best friend was like this... Then she met her boyfriend, tried sex just because she loved him so much, and now she loves having sex and is very open sexually. She used to find the penis unsightly and sex awkward- when she was a virgin.
Don't knock it 'til you try it is all I'm saying.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Actually this is more common than you think. It could mean you're a lesbian, or it could also mean that you just don't like intercourse. Either way, it isn't something you have to like to function in society. However, if you want to be in a relationship with a man you'll either have to find someone asexual or someone who can't physically have sex, because I don't think you'll find a straight man who won't want it.
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female
reader, SilverVintage +, writes (26 July 2011):
SilverVintage is verified as being by the original poster of the question So Very Confused:
Thanks for replying. As far as the whole falling love thing goes, I have never had a boyfriend, never been kissed or anything. I work alot & that doesnt leave time for a social life, and Im okay with that. I go to school & work to where I want to be. I dont get relationships anyway, I been by myself my entire life & gotten comfortable with it, having a "significant other" to me would seem a bit annoying considering Im not a very affectionate person, Im very independant & I dont like compromising. A relationship would most likely crash and burn.
MarieClaire:
Thanks for replying. The reason I say Im not asexual is because my mom already cleared that up by taking me to a therapist to see why I was being immature about " the natural cycle".
We had sessions & it was determined that I wasnt because I am attracted to guys (on a different level), so Im not a leasbian or bisexual. I simply dont like sex. Why is that so hard for others to understand??
Idoneitagain:
Thanks for repying. I have been this way ever since I was little, first learing about it which was around 5 or 6, and as you can see, it hasn't changed. I dont understand how anyone can insert themselves into someone else and its enjoyable, it seems wrong.
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A
female
reader, Molly9945 +, writes (26 July 2011):
I thought that way until I had sex. Masturbating was not pleasurable for me so I thought "Well if I can't pleasure myself then a penis sure can't" then one day I decided out of curiosity to try it. My bf's penis grossed me out at the time, as well as other things, plus the first couple of times were uncomfortable but fun. but as it went on the sex got better, and I got more comfortable with things.
That's my experience though
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (26 July 2011):
This question is written from an intellectual perspective, it is not written from your own personal experience, because you have not had sex so you have not had the experience of sex, you only have ideas of what it is like to have sex.
Any thoughs, feelings, ideas etc around sex have to have come from somewhere. These are usually a combination of ideas we generate in our head, and through messages that we take in from early infancy onwards. Our attitudes towards sex are infuenced on an individual level, family level and social level.
For someone who hasn't actually done it, you have very strong feelings about sex, that it is gross, repulsive, that you can't possibly imagine it to be enjoyable. Do you have any sense of where these powerful thoughts came from?
It is quite common for people to have strong negative feelings about sex. In some cases, this is because deep down they might fear intimacy and what might happen to them if they really because close to someone, for some people it might be fear of the unknown, some people suffer from low self esteem, some people experience anxiety around sex, it is different for different people. Some people are influenced, as you mentioned, by society, porn, or religion. There are many possibilities. However, in most cases, this all changes if you have the experience of meeting someone you can be close with emotionally and start to form a strong connection or attraction with. Usually, the thoughts will give way to the attraction, which leads to sexual experience, that is generally human nature. After having had a few experiences, most people realise they actually like it (because we are designed to like it, in general), and their previous thoughts don't actually match the reality of the experience of sex. Ideas and thoughts are irellevant in the face of experience.
Remember, it is not what you do it is the way that you do it that counts. Getting poked with a stick by some random guy might not have any meaning or pleasure associated with it. Getting poked with a stick by someone you love and are sexually stimulated by is a totally different story.
To me, you don't need to spend time worrying about it or worrying about what other people say about it. In time, you will have your own experience of getting close to someone, developing attraction, and having sex when you want to have sex, if you ever want to have sex. If you don't no problem. Live your life and be happy :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Pretty much everyone goes through a stage of 'ew, sex, gross', some people get over it quickly, some people are happy to live without having anything to do with sex.
So don't worry about it, you're free to have whatever opinion you want, no one should force you to do something you don't want to do.
No, its not usually that great the first few times, but for most people it gets better and sex becomes fun and enjoyable. It might seem strange to you, but it's hard to explain it to someone who only feels repulsed by it. Just accept that for now you aren't interested, and that one day you might be. In the mean time get on with the more important stuff in your life.
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A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 SO very Confused, is right and I couldn't add anything to her words. you will feel that you want it when you meet that someone who will wake your senses up..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): It's fine to 'think' like this but it is simply because you ARE a virgin.... so you don't know any other. Wait untill you fall in love one day with someone special and you will stop thinking and start feeling and may change, but until then, you sound fine.
spunky monkey
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 July 2011):
 will you promise to get back to me about this after you meet someone and fall in love....
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female
reader, josephy +, writes (26 July 2011):
That's kind of reminding me of myself, the first idea came to my mind when I discovered what having sex meant, "So gross" I said to myself,I used to think the same way. I'm not saying that you should have sex and all, I'm just letting you know that not whatever we imagine or think of is the same thing as the reality.I don't want to go into details here so just Take your time and you will feel it sooner or later.
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