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*ardenLover

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He keeps looking for me when we break up. Why is it so difficult to leave an abusive relationship?

Q.   Why is it so difficult to leave an abusive relationship... I wuz married for 10 yrs to my high school sweetheart.. he staret to physically abuse me... when he would get drunk or b high on drugs... I put up with it cuz I thought I could b the one to ...

A.   15 August 2011: Domestic abuse takes a lot of shapes. In this case emotional. It's the hardest compared to physical abuse, because there's usually a lot of blame and crazy-making. This takes the guilt/shame/fear we already feel and validates it; a dangerous ... (read in full...)

I'm 33. Should I be worked up about being single with no children and never married?

Q.   Being a 33 year old single male I had the get married bug hit me hard like a baseball bat. I went through 4 relationships in 3 years. Always the same problem. I didn't pay too much attention to her issues which is what usually was the problem. So ...

A.   15 August 2011: It sounds like you are in massive transition with going back to school, spending time single, and changing your relationship MO (no easy task!). Psychologists have studied life stages for a very long time and this situation does describe the 30's. ... (read in full...)

How can I get him to climax faster?

Q.   I love my boyfriend very much and dont want to offend him but he takes a very long time to reach orgasm... can anyone give me advice on making him climaz quicker? thanks ...

A.   15 August 2011: I agree with the anonymous male reader, but would also like to add that if he is on a medication that could greatly affect his ability to climax. Many medications, I'm no doctor, but particularly mental health prescriptions can make it difficult. ... (read in full...)

Should I get a sex partner for my fiancee?

Q.   My bf is no longer attracted to me since weve had children. I gained 70 lbs with the first but nothing with the second. They are 15 months apart and our second was born 3 months ago. I have horrible stretchmarks. Worse than anyone ive ever seen. I ...

A.   15 August 2011: It seems like it took a long time to make the babies and the relationship. It will also take a while to recover. When you are more fit and toned and those stretch marks become less obvious, you will feel more confident. If you were in love to ... (read in full...)

Could I be gay? Watching girl porn excites my husband AND me

Q.   I got married last dec. and my husband and i started watching porn just a few months ago for ideas. we have been watching a lot of girl on girl action and it has turned me on to the point that we have thought about asking another woman to join us. ...

A.   7 August 2011: Hetero women are usually more excited by women than hetero men are of men in porn. There could be a lot of reasons for this from cultural to biological, but if it gets you going and you still want to be sexual with a man, then you are not gay. It ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be somebody who is never happy with what they have....but I dream of being with another man!

Q.   I just turned 30, well, geeze, I'm not sure what's really important to outline here, but here goes: I've had long relationships throughout my life with the most recent being 5 years now, but I've never made it past 6 years... maybe that's just coi...

A.   7 August 2011: I just thought I would give you all an update. Since I confronted my boyfriend and told him how disconnected I was feeling, as though I needed more, and certainly not someone who is usually defensive, he has been trying really hard. I really have ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be somebody who is never happy with what they have....but I dream of being with another man!

Q.   I just turned 30, well, geeze, I'm not sure what's really important to outline here, but here goes: I've had long relationships throughout my life with the most recent being 5 years now, but I've never made it past 6 years... maybe that's just coi...

A.   29 July 2011: Of course I don't want to be in my head or debating all the time, especially in the bedroom! If he said anything about anything, I would love it. If he told me a joke or a childhood story, I would love it. If he had a sense of humor I would love it. ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be somebody who is never happy with what they have....but I dream of being with another man!

Q.   I just turned 30, well, geeze, I'm not sure what's really important to outline here, but here goes: I've had long relationships throughout my life with the most recent being 5 years now, but I've never made it past 6 years... maybe that's just coi...

A.   28 July 2011: "...sooner or later you find yourself locked into a pattern of being upset over recurring themes..." This started in the beginning. I always tell him, this is the same argument we've always had. I've noticed that we have a hard time communic... (read in full...)

I don't want to be somebody who is never happy with what they have....but I dream of being with another man!

Q.   I just turned 30, well, geeze, I'm not sure what's really important to outline here, but here goes: I've had long relationships throughout my life with the most recent being 5 years now, but I've never made it past 6 years... maybe that's just coi...

A.   28 July 2011: Last night he asked what could he do for me and I said I didn't think it was something he could give me. Although Last night I decided to go for it and try to talk to him about it, give him a chance. I said, I do love him and appreciate the ... (read in full...)

It's my boyfriend's birthday in a month. Any hints on what to get him?

Q.   I'm a 16 year old girl and have been dating my boyfriend for a couple of weeks now - its his birthday in a month and I have no idea what to get him. Any hints would be great!...

A.   26 July 2011: What does he like to do? Maybe take him out for fun - lunch and disc golf or a more spendy idea is dinner and a movie. That way you get to spend time together and build your new relationship. ... (read in full...)

On relationships: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Q.   The following was forwarded to me by a member of my church. It is adapated from a book: "Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" I believe its worth passing on: "Dr. John gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minu...

A.   26 July 2011: The second horseman is killing the communication in my relationship. Once I brought it up assertively, it allowed him to move to the third as an answer. Maybe this is a sign. Good points; thanks for posting. ... (read in full...)

Any ideas on what tricks I can do, to teach my new puppy?

Q.   I am getting me a Boston Terrier it is a female what kind of things can you teach a puppy? I have had cats so i am not use to having a puppy of my own. so i need some ideas on what to teach my puppy. so if you know of any ideas please let me know ...

A.   26 July 2011: The above posts are all great. I would only add that some dogs seem to respond better to hand signs and others verbal commands. I have one of each, but it took me a while to figure it out. I find that larger dogs are easier to train, but that's ... (read in full...)

My fiance's butt stinks....how do I tell him?

Q.   I have been dating my fiance for four years now. And theres this small little issue that KILLS me, and grosses me out and i dont know how to tell him without it hurting his feelings. I'm really embarassed to talk about this, but...something needs to ...

A.   26 July 2011: I can only say how I would attempt to address the issue... frame it as a genuine concern for his health and your long-term attraction to him. Eventually it could start eating away at your relationship, particularly sexual and taking your focus away ... (read in full...)

Why is Divorce Ok? I am put off if I find a person is divorced.

Q.   Im asking the question: Why isnt it shameful to be divorced? Why would anyone admit it? to me it makes the person look selfish and non commital really.. I have to admit it puts me off a person quite a lot. What does everyone else think? ...

A.   26 July 2011: Sometimes the only thing a "divorced" person is guilty of is falling for a good con. I dated a man for a long time and we were a total match, but after the wedding he turned out to be a total con artist. He even lied about what type of music he ... (read in full...)

I don't like sex, people think thats a bad thing

Q.   Hello, I am an 18 year old female and I dont like the thought of sex, at all. I think its repulsive and gross. I am still a virgin and perfectly okay with it. I dont see how its can be enjoyable or pleasurable for anyone. I have not been ...

A.   26 July 2011: Perhaps this whole issues has less to do with sex than it seems? I have no idea of course, but I find it interesting that your screen name is antique-sounding and your mom took you to a therapist for an immaturity theory... just saying that you are ... (read in full...)

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