A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused and in pain right now.I have loved a guy who happens to be my bestfriend. He just broke up with his girlfriend last january. His experience with his past relationship was not that good either. He was supposed to propose to the girl last 2010 but then he just found out that the girl was having an affair with other guys.Just this 2012 he realized that he needs to put an end to the relationship. Me and my bestfriend happened to develop feelings with each other which we didn't expect to happen.We been open with our feelings for each other for almost 9 months already. What I don't understand is , not that he not committed to her x girlfriend why is it hard to commit to me since he told me he loves me and we been doing stuffs a girlfriend and boyfriend usually do. He told me he don't want to commit yet because he is scared that our relationship will suffer because he can't afford to be out in the open yet and let our relationship known to people since his x girlfriend is still trying to destroy me and he can't handle on how people will react and might misjudge us.He kept on telling me that if he is going to commit right now with me , He is afraid that our relationship might suffer. I told him that I just need an assurance because it seems like he is just using me and giving me false hope but it confused me because he is always there to help me in my problems and been consistent with his care for me. Please help. I need some advice from you whether I should go on with this and wait until he is ready or should i let go even if it hurts a lot.Truly yours,
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female
reader, MyDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 A break up for anyone is extremely difficult, especially if he was cheated on. It has only been a few months since they broke up and he will still have unresolved relationship issues with trust and commitment. I understand that right now, you want nothing more than to be with him.. You maybe need to have a long conversation and talk through your issues, but you must respect him if he needs further time to heal and get over his past relationship, as horrible as that is for you. Just remember a broken heart takes an unlimited amount of time to heal, but eventually all wounds will heal.. Don't give up just yet.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Your friend just lived through a relationship that went bad. Please give him time to heal. It sounds by the conversation you have that he respects you, but he realizes that he is probably still hurting and uncertain from the last relationship. He may also be a bit confused. If you want him in your life, be supportive of him and do not pressure him to make decisions. Getting over the fact the relationship was not good and his girlfriend was cheating is traumatic. Especially since he was going to propose. Be the support he needs right now and see how your relationship develops. You can't force it...especially on someone who has just endured what he has. I think sometimes we tend to think men are invincible, but they are just human like we are.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (10 June 2012):
 This is very difficult; but the question i ask you is
how much do you trust your boyfriend/bestfriend.
Has he always kept his promises; has he always been good to you? if he has; then chances are he's being honest with you and genuinely cares, in this case waiting it out isnt a bad option.
If you are unsure and have doubts; tell him you cannot hold on.
Also people will always judge you both; dont be people pleasers is my advice to both you and him. Life's too short; be happy! if people judge its mostly because they insecure and jealous anyways. Dont let other people stop you both from your happiness.
Goodluck
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 Hi, I can empathise with how you are feeling, but you really need to be mindful that this guy was just betrayed and he ended a relationship that probably meant the world to him. Yes you were and are his best friend but that dynamic has changed with the development of feelings....still doesn't blank out the fact that he's hurting. Putting the pressure on him now to committ officially isn't going to do you any favours. It is just going to irritate him and push him away. You don't want to be the rebound or a comfort zone. You've shared with this guy about your feelings and he's shared with you about his. You need to leave it there and just see what happens if you truly love him. It's hard ...very hard to just jump into a relationship 100% when you have trust issues. I personally think he jumped into one with you a bit too quickly when he's still healing from his breakup. It's like an athlete who has a injury and gets back in the race too quickly, doesn't do his recovery or his muscles any good does it? It's premature. Bottom line....if you really want to be with this guy and love him enough to wait it out...then wait it out. But don't go waiting forever...give yourself a time limit....don't vocalise it to him, but from a personal level...give yourself a time frame.Some people take longer to heal and start to trust people again...regardless of who they are.Protect your heart.
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