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I don't know if I'm gay!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Gay relationships, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 January 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

i am i 15 year old boy and im having problems i don't know if im gay, people think im gay at times. i like to masturbate to gay porn then after that i have no more feelings for it, i started looking at a women and i masturbated a couple of times to them, i have never liked a boy but i have certain feelings for girl, i really like them when they have long hair, i don't get turned on by boys faces just thinking of them nude, theres a girl i really like she has long hair i wanted to build a relation ship with her but i can't, and what if she wants to have sex and my penis dosen't respond. Few boys think im gay because i laugh and smile all the time but that just me i always liked to laugh since i was little whats wrong with, its suppose to be good for you. I have started hanging out with more boys that can be my friend hopefully being around a few will get me on the right track. Now when i go to school i don't really say anything and i don't laugh as much i just stay quite like i used to because i hate when people call me gay, it gets to me, but i hope it isn't true. I didn't have my dad around as much i was always with my mom both hopefully my friends will turn me around they are cool straight boys.I never want a relation ship with a boy is just doesn't seem right but i liked to see them naked im juss so confuse and all of this stuff gets to me and makes me kinda said and stressed out, people tell me out the time to get out the house but there isn't anything to do i don't play sports good at all i live in a little town with nothing to do and my friends live far away from me i don't like to go to partys because to much stuff goes on teen years are just so hard i thought it would be fun but it depresses me. At night when i go to sleep i like to think of other girls and boys having sex never myself i think about a girl and a boy not just boys and girl i can never fantasize myself a much. i of this stuff just makes me mad and depresses why does this happens to me i look at other kids having normal live why can't i. I am the only child so i get bored all the time thats why when i get older i wanted a beautiful wife with long hair that i can love and have fun with i wanted losts of kids (not Adopted ones) my on so i'll never be alone juss me my wife and kids i have certain feelings for certain gurls and they are the ones with long hairs but i don't know how to have sex with them i don't know if my penis will respond, im attracted to male bodies and there penis then i picture myself having sex with them but i don't like them at all i can't picture myself dating a boy (AT ALL)i can also picture myself having sex with a women if i watch them on porn websites but not as much as men but after i masturbate those feelings take a life imma try to date a girl i haven't datd 1 since i was 5 hopefully it'll turn me around my life is just so hard and complicated i thought teen years would be fun.

View related questions: gay porn, my penis, porn

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A male reader, A friend :) United States +, writes (11 August 2010):

U sound EXACTLY like me. Even down to the sports. I feel the same way and I'm confused an Im the kinda person who needs to know things an it's all bothering me but itnhelps to know that there's someone like me out there :). I think u just need to wait and find out how you feel when your older. I wish the best and I know you'll end up happy in the end :D

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A male reader, joanz United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2009):

A lot of people will tell you how you should feel but in real life if you never go with another man you will always wonder how it would be I know I did for over 20 years and now I like both sexes

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A male reader, mothership1 United Kingdom +, writes (8 May 2009):

Hi there

On reading what you wrote, and putting the pieces together, I suspect that you may be gay or bi. Especially where you say that you masturbate especially to naked guys - these feelings of sexual attaction are hard-wired into our brains - so I think that when you say you prefer to masturbate to images of naked men, then that is the biggest clue.

One of the reasons you may be confused is that perhaps you are attracted emotionally to girls - they way you repeatedly refer to their long hair perhaps indicates that you may be aesthetically/emotionally attracted to girls, rather than sexually attracted to them.

However, I don't have much information to go on, so I could be wrong. The main thing to realise is that if it turns out that you are gay, it doesn't mean that you are condemned to a sad life. On the contrary, as a gay guy you can have an incredibly rich, fullfilling and happy life - but it is less likely to be in the traditional sense (having a family of your own).

I realise it can be difficult at school when the culture can be very anti-gay, and it can be difficult with your family and friends too, but this WILL pass. As you grow into a man you will become more sure of yourself and have greater confidence to handle the issues you face. And you will know yourself better, and come to love yourself better too.

In the meantime, don't worry about if you're gay or not - if you are that's great and if you're not, that's great too. You can have a happy, long and beautiful life either way. And don't stop smiling! One thing I can tell you, people tend to like people for WHO they are, not what labels we put onto them. So keep smiling, laughing, making friends and keeping your sense of humour.

Be brave, try not to worry, and remember millions of teenagers have been through what you're going through - including me (a long time ago).

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009):

People are always going to ask guys,are you gay?Its always has been asked and it it will continue to be asked, Some will get the question more offten than others.As for the laughing and smiling,thats not what the guys should be looking for,but is he checking me out,that the real question.Isolating your self will most likely make your friends drop the frinedship you do have,no communication means little to no friends.Talk to everyone and if all the people like you,they are not going to like other people calling you something you aren't.They'll stand up for you,or you could ask them to stop calling you gay in an egressive tone,and do it one on one ,a lot of people could mean a fight.I'm a 20 yr. old guy,and I watch gay porn too.I don't have sex with guys,and I don't want to at this stage in my life.Be persistant of saying,I like woman and I do't wont to be with men aspecially in that way,maybe you do and thats why your calling me gay,b/c you wont to take the atention off your self.then continue by saying I don't know what the case is,but I know were I stand as a staight man.Then walk swiftly away.Don't confine your self and,try not to bump into thoughs guys as much as possable. And in the future try to say other things about a girl, than just I like their (long hair).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): im 14 and i have the same problem, but ive learned to deal with becouse even though i get aroused to watching gay porn, i juss think its uterly disgusting to actually being with a guy, what i really want is a girl..and so i dont think your gay eather..

for the people at skool that makes funn of you thinking that your gay..juss forget them, they probly have probs. in their own life and make people feel bad to make themselves feel better..and there'e nothing wrong with laughing and smilling alot, i do that to, i laugh alot and enjoy making everybody around me laugh, i ma funny happy guy..and guess what girls like a guy who's happy, can laugh at basicly anything and make em laugh

so dont stress out man, i no what your going through..youre not gay, youre a fully straight enjoy, and share your love with the lucky girl..and i garauntee you with enough forplay, and if you really like the girl; yull get hard at the speed of light

good luck bro..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

You're not gay! Porn ruins your normal development of becoming a man. Because your father couldn't be a male mentor to you, confusion sets in. You appreciate the male physique because you are male. That's o.k. But deep down you want to love a woman and desire her.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Throw out all the pick up lines and just get to know a girl if you're interested in her. A natural attraction will begin and your body will respond.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009):

I kinda have to same problem, but ive learned to deal with it, i mean people will be mean, and for me, idk if im gay or straight, i think some boys i talk to are hot and i masturbate thinking about them, i think girls are hot to but my penis wont get hard and its hard to masturbate to them but i just cant

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A male reader, yum yum Switzerland +, writes (13 January 2009):

yum yum agony auntMany young teenagers your age have conflicting issue's with their sexuality. The differece with you is that you seem to be worried about it and therefore you want to seek some advice. I can not tell you if you are gay or not just by reading your post.

However if you get aroused with naked boys or gay porn that does not mean you are gay. I can ensure you that many teen boys get aroused to other boys but don't admit it because they are shy, ashamed and in denial about it. Do not label yourself now because you are still young and confused about your sexuality, you also need time to develope your sexuality and understand it. Eventually you will find answer's to your quistions as you get older.

Do not be scared and nervous if you won't get an erection when your going to have sex. As I siad you are still young. When you get older you will have more confendents and be less axious when you will have sex. Sex is also somthing that you should not rush into, you should first do something less intensive so you and your girl can get horny. When you feel your getting horny then is the right time to have sex (on the lust point of view).

As you get older you will be more sure of yourself and know more about what you want. For the time being stop worrying about that.

Ahh yeah and the last thing if you smile and laugh all the time, that's great. Show that you don't care what the other people say. Unfortunitly people like to hurt each other sometimes because they themselves have problems. Take care!

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A male reader, derek11223 United Kingdom +, writes (13 January 2009):

Hi I am not an expert on gay relations, but listening and reading your letter i can see why you feel confused. you are not gay because you masterbate watching other men you are still young and your body is still maturing, it sounds like most porn turns you on witch is quite natural many grown adults like to watch and get excited watching if men watching other men as many women like to watch other women with women, but niether wishes to do it themselves. Dont worry or be afraid you might be gay these feelings your having are natural ones. And please get it out of your head about being afraid to get an errection if you go to bed with a girl [remembering to wait until your of legal age]i can assure you that when you are alone and both in a relaxed mood once you start kissing and touching each other you will soon get turned on, and everyone has to have a first time experience, and you will enjoy this time and the following experiences learning trying new things out, and explain to your girl friend that this is your first time and she will enjoy it more too and not expect you to know what to do,she can guide you or if its both your first time you can enjoy to guide each other sayiny what you like and dont like ask "where do you like to be touched" and say thats nice when she touches you where you like to be touched.

please do not rush into a sexual relasionship let things progress when the right time comes along you will know it.

dont worry enjoy your life

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A female reader, princessjasmine United States +, writes (13 January 2009):

YOU ARE NOT GAY! I can say this to you a milliion times u are NOT GAY. I know exactly wat you have my dear, the early signs of HOCD...homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder...ur obsessing about this topic, ur compulsion is to tell urself ur not gay ad u love girls (and ur coming on this site for reassurance) and its clearly can b ecome a serious disorder...that guess wat? I HAVE and its not fun!! go to for more information. Mine started at 15 and faded and came along the yrs, im 22 and it hit pretty hard again..with the same questions (im a girl thinking im lesibian when all my desires and fantasies are for men) the best thing u can do for this disorder is to say SO WHAT if u have semi attractions to men, most ppl do...we are all attracted to eachother, ppl are attractive no matter what! I think girls are HOT but does that make me gay? no not really b/c like u said, i want a family with a man, and i only see myself with a man, and that is ALL U NEED to kno if this is making u depressed and stressing u out, u arent gay! u have an obsession that u cant get rid of...let the thoughts flow, relax, take a deep deep breath, dont get down about it, be confident! u see a hot guy, say so what, just b/c u laugh differently doesnt automatically make u gay, in order to be gay u have to want to BE WITH A MAN...u dont, u never will cuz guess wat? U ARE a STRAIGHT man who is over thinking the question of "am i gay?" the thing with ocd is, we are never satsfied with the answer, no matter how much reassurance i give u ur gonna say, but but but this or that, its all BULL SHIT. if i thought u were gay id tell u, but go on the site, and talk to a guy named marc, message him, HES A GAY MAN and he'll clearly tell u ur not b/c u dont wanna BE WITH A MAN its as simple as that...we are all attracted to one another in some way...i watched girl porn too and it freaked e out, oh no y did i like wat, its not like i wanna touch a girl rite? its as simple as that, do not ask more questions, learn to cope with it...without getting answers, cuz no matter how many times someone tells u ur not gay, ur gna still come up with some excuse to say u are...take a deep breath, i kno wat ur going thru and there are more ppl like u out there...go on that site! ull see..and please feel free to message me, im here to help u!

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