A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just read a guy's recent post about losing trust and respect for his girlfriend after finding out she's been in contact with her ex a lot. It got me wondering if I should tell my boyfriend that before I met him, I was briefly dating a guy who's now my best friend in this town? My boyfriend isn't remotely jealous of anything and I think he's still in touch with exes and women he's hooked up with, which I don't mind at all. Let's call my friend Bob and my boyfriend Tim. So, for around 6 months last year, Bob and I liked each other, went on dates and had a few make out sessions but never really got it together. Instead we would dance around each other, neither quite sure what the other wanted. Then he went abroad for work for 5 months and I got together with Tim. Now don't get me wrong - Tim is the most wonderful guy I've ever dated and he's perfect for me in every way that's important to me. There were a few fundamental differences with Bob that niggled at me when we were dating and which, from my perspective at least, are why we never really got it together. I'm so glad things have worked out the way they did. Bob makes a great friend and Tim thinks he's a really cool, fun guy too. Anyway, my questions are these:- should I tell Tim about last year? Or is there really no point as my feelings are 100 % for him.- is it possible Bob still has feelings for me? And if so what can I do about that? The last time we met for coffee, he hugged me 5 or 6 times and kept saying how great it was to see me and complimenting me. But he did ask after Tim and talk a lot about things we could all do together.I don't know...what should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): To be 100% blunt with you, men tend to only 'be friends' if there is a possibility of action or of getting with you.
I don't give a monkeys what other 'enlightened' men say, male human nature dictates that you want to spread your seed as wide as possible so your genes continue down the chain. Men and Women CANNOT be genuine friends. Men and other Men can be friends, as can Women and other Women.
And so, if you feel only 'friendship' towards him, this is because he wants you and he thinks he can get you!
End of story
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 In my opinion, the past is the past. If your boyfriend is still friends with his exes, there's no reason why can't be especially since you no longer feel attracted or tempted to get back with Bob. But, you still might want to tell Tim because some men get worried when you neglect to tell them you once dated a friend, some think it's because you might have feelings etc. So ...better you tell him (casually) then he hear it from Bob or someone elsr since that looks a bit bad. If you feel Bob is attracted to you still, simply spend less and less time with him. If he hasn't moved on from you, then he needs to see less of you so he gets no ideas or the ability to develop further feelings/desires. Hope this helps a little...
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