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I don't know how to get out of this relationship.

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 July 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 July 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years now. Since we first had sex (a month into our relationship), he started calling me bad names and telling me I'm worthless. He's my first love (first boyfriend really) and at first, I seriously thought that that was okay. I was kind of iffy about it, but I just assumed that that was how boyfriends usually treat their girlfriends. I was a fucking idiot.

Now it's four and a half years after the first time he called me a stupid bitch (I do remember) and since then, I've been in the hospital seven times for cutting myself. I've cried more times that I care to count. I've gone into such a spiral of depression that I've turned to starving myself and writing as my escape. I'm currently 20 years old, 5'6" and 103 lbs. I know that is insanely unhealthy but I don't know how to get back up, other than the obvious (eating), but I've been told so many times that I'm fat and ugly.

I don't know how to get out of this relationship. Please help!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009):

First of all, where are your family? Your parents? Can they help you with this? What about your medical doctor? How about finding a good therapist?

Second, can you get in touch with an abused women's group and get advice from them? You need a good support system to back you up in getting away from this horrible man?

I hope you are not living with him?! You need to recognize that he is NO GOOD for you - in fact, he is harmful to your health. You will be MUCH better off with him out of your life.

Can you refuse to answer the phone when he calls? If he comes knocking on your front door, whatever you do, don't open it! If he has keys to your apartment, get the locks changed! I realize doing this takes guts. That's why you need the support of others who care about you - and you need to care lovingly about YOURSELF. You do not deserve this kind of treatment from him. You are worth so much more - its true and I hope you will work on convincing yourself of that.

Admittedly I am responding before reading what any of the other aunts and uncles have said. Hope it helps. Do keep in touch and let us know how you get on!

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A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (9 July 2009):

GrimmReality agony auntI think that PinkTopaz has said it all here, young lady. First off, you are not worthless at all. You are a human being deserving of respect. If this guy has belittled you to this point I can simply only suggest that maybe in the near future that you seek some kind of therapy for what is surely a terribly damaged self-image at the hands of this guy.

In some instances I would urge you to just get up and leave, but I understand that this treatment has been going on for such a long time and this guy has partially succeeded in trampling yopur self worth.

Believe me it happens to the best of us, and I am sure you are not alone.

Be that as it may, do you have any relatives or good friends near you that you would feel comfortable escaping to? I ask this because you seem to just be stuck and I am sure this guy has tried to convince you that only HE is capable of loving you, and that no one else ever could.

If you feel you have absolutely no options you can always call police if you feel like he will force you to stay. I think in this instance, even though it seems like a drastic measure, that it may be an option if you want to get away ASAP.

Regardless, I think that you already know you need to run screaming away from this fucktard. It is up to you to make the choice whether you will endure this one day longer. Please understand that this guy does not love you, he sees you as a possession, which will only get worse.

My heart goes out to you,. and if you need some resources of sites or numbers in your area where you can seek some help, Im sure any one of us would be more than happy to help.

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A male reader, Hermetica United Kingdom +, writes (9 July 2009):

Girl you need some help.20 years old and you are hurting yourself!I'm bloody furious!I have a daughter your age who is my best friend!You are hurting yourself because of self loathing,a sad but common syndrome amongst young people.Stop now.I will help you to focus on your future.Start from the premise that you are a human being born into this world for a purpose.That purpose is to be the best person you can possibly be.Self worth requires that we love and respect ourselves.I want you to love yourself,say it over and over again to yourself.I love me!God has given you a body,to abuse it goes against the tenants of your origin.This may surprise you,we are all spirit beings who appear on this world from time to time for a purpose,in human form which is not our natural state.This particular incarnation has a lesson for you,how do I deal with this body?The lesson is respect it,nurture it,and then start to look at the world around you.What a beautiful place.Girl your future is within your grasp.With love.Hermetica

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A female reader, pinktopaz United States +, writes (9 July 2009):

Think about how much better you're going to be when you're out of this relationship. Your boyfriend has totally degraded you and you actually believe the idiotic things he has said to you. You have to know that it isn't true. You're a beautiful and intelligent woman, and any man that thinks otherwise can hit the road.

I'm sorry that you've even put up with this guy for 4 1/2 years. You know that you deserve better and that this is TRULY an unhealthy relationship. I think you know how to get out of this relationship: you break up with him. Tell him what's up, bottom line. He's hurtful and has torn apart your self esteem and you need to be happy. The only person that can make yourself happy is YOURSELF. He's obviously not someone worth keeping, yet your dignity and health is worth keeping.

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