A
female
age
22-25,
les
writes:Why do guys change their minds so quickly????I had a very serious 7 month relationship (albeit long distance but incredibly intense) with the most wonderful and reliable guy. Even though we had been together for such a short period of time, it was almost unspokely implied that we could get married, and we'd even joke about it. Then he got really stressed, and in about two weeks became a different person. So three weeks ago he was telling me how much he likes me and misses me, and now he's telling me that he's not sure what he wants to do with his life, basically implying that I dont fit into his plans that might or might not happen 5-10 years down the line.The attraction and chemistry between us was so strong, that we were not only best friends, I'd also say at the time that he was my soulmate. And now hes a completely different person. Now I'm sad because I dont even know if I can trust guys anymore.. if HE can do this (and he is the nicest guy I've ever met) is there any hope for the future for any man, or do I always have to be prepared for the fact that something might happen, and all of a sudden, he'll change his mind?He's 23 if that helps.
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best friend, long distance, period, soulmate Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, shaina +, writes (9 May 2008):
Dear iam in a same situation like you.12 months in a relationship and all of a sudden this guy dont feel the same for me ..I feel rejected and degrade..
Iam trying to come out of it.will suggest u to do the same.No one has a right to treat us like that..they treat us badly coz we give them a chance to do so.
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (9 May 2008):
 You are not overreacting, it's natural to feel angry and it's also healthy. Women are socialized to not express their anger which to me, is ridiculous and a disservice. People are going to disappoint you your whole life, unfortunately, or change their mind midstream. Your responses to this should be anger and hurt but you should appreciate the fact he told you the truth, as hard as it is to hear. There are guys out there that are way too comfortable leading you on and lying to you, even having you move out to that far and away country while they've been cheating on you the whole time! Everyone has a right to change their mind, including you, and a lot of the time it's going to cause someone else some pain if it's not what they want. I don't think he led you on, I think he was just immature and his goals may change course many times over the next few years.
You responded very appropriately considering he's been blowing you off and putting off telling you straight up what the truth was- you demanded it, you demanded truth and respect so don't you dare feel bad about it, okay? You're no doormat.
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A
female
reader, les +, writes (9 May 2008):
les is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for that wonderful response. To update the situation, I've already been feeling very neglected and unloved for the past two weeks, and although I tried to talk to him about it many many many times, he'd just brush me off as busy.
And when I finally forced him to talk about it, he said he might or might not be planning on moving back to his home country several or many years from now, and b/c I'm off a different nationality and speak a different language, basically, he can't be with me.
I kind of couldn't help and blow up at him after he pushed me away so far after pulling me in so close to him, when this was his childhood dream and he new the years BEFORE he even met me. So I was upset and hurt that he would even start anything when this was always on the back of his mind, so I told him everything I thought and cut it off completely and it really took me a while to calm down.
Now I'm wondering if I overreacted..he telling me what I asked for, but I just didnt want to hear it. Or was he unfair to me all along, like I feel he was?
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (9 May 2008):
I agree with Kimaxsi. I also don't think a long distance relationship is really a true reflection of a "real" relationship unless the foundation was built in person first. The danger of these relationships is that they can be smoke and mirrors, you don't really know the person in a 3 dimensional capacity, just what you hear on the phone or what is written in emails. Most of our communication is non-verbal and your intuition is 90% blocked because you can't read his body language or his eyes which all give you important clues about a person. You will feel much more comfortable with the trust thing if you can be around the person consistently and not sporadically, that would mess with my head too. You've just had a very narrow experience base with this so don't paint all men black and throw them down the river, okay?
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A
female
reader, Kimaxsi +, writes (9 May 2008):
Men aren't cyborgs all connected to a central brain, they are individuals. So even if one man turns out to be an ass it says nothing, nothing at all about the billions of other men on the planet.
It may just be the maturity level of the guy, things may have gotten serious so fast that he just got scared, you said yourself the relationship was very intense. Talk to him about his feelings, it may be he just needs to move a little slower, hell maybe even just having his partner really listen to him might sort it all out. It may also be that he's not ready for the same things you are (but he temporarily got swept up in the excitement of it all), in which case it may be time to move on and find a man who is in the same place as you are. Or you could also try waiting for him to get board if you really believe in him.
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